Author Archives: Polar Coug (twitter @PolarCoug)

The No-Cajone Pony is Acting Stupidly

I’d give my left flipper to be the teleprompter operator on September 8th, in the year of our Pronoun-in-Chief, the Unicorn King, Precedent Uhhhhbama (Peace be upon him), OediPOTUS Wrecks, Obama-Lama-Ding-Dong, OOO (Occupant of the Oval Office; a.k.a. “Triple O”), His “O”ily-ness, the Hopiate of the Masses, Barackus Hubris Maximus, and His Travesty. Imagine His Phoniness, staring grimly at TOTUS as his speech performs linguistic cartwheels, raining on his parade.

Visualize General Zero, grandly pontificating “… while ATMs and corporate jet owners rape the means of production employed by the proletariat who are forced to sell their own labor in order to survive because they don’t have any means of production, and in their most desperate hour must engage in class struggles against the bourgeois society sprouting from [PolarCoug inserts new text here] a gigantic tamale that The First Lardass devoured in between the largest pair of lobsters ever to grace the fine chinaware in the West Wing.” Pregnant pause—panic sets in and TOTUS fast forwards past the offending passage in hopes that General Zero can hitch those dangling cajones back up from whence they most recently descended.

“We must protect jobs! We must liberate workers from the feudal lords who hold sway over their vassals, apprentices, journeymen, and serfs. We are called to a high and noble cause; to rescue [PolarCoug strikes a second time.] Debbie Downer with a Nadler burger and a side order of fries. Yes, make it a double and throw down some of that there special sauce slathered on a sesame seed bun made from the remnants of whatever holds Al Gore together these days!” The collective commies in the Joint Session of Congress go hysterical with wild cheering, right on cue, as His Imperious Majesty Barack the First, President of America, Protector of the People as Long As They Know Their Place and Belong to The Right Unions, Defender of the Privileges Accrued by Attending the Right University, and Scourge of the Rich If They Don’t Contribute To The Democratic Party stares in stunned silence at the utter gibberish that just erupted from his silver tongue and between his freshly waxed jowls.

Suddenly Chris Matthews notices that he isn’t the only Socialist-In-Residence (SIR) whose leg is suddenly and violently tingling. He orders Camera Four to zoom in on Pinocchio’s left leg. A tell-tale stain of unknown origin is snaking its way past the knee; settling in a pool inside that size-11 Salvatore Ferragamo shoe with the non-slip sole. Too bad the foot inside isn’t non-slip, too. Same goes for the sole, uh, soul. Speaking of pee, Matthews, from deep within the wretched recesses of his cankered heart, recalls “The Six Ps”—Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance. He recognizes that The Gerbil President has failed to define his overall social media goals and objectives, including allowing the sheeple to kiss his ring as he towers over them, offering his all so that they might live… but then, hope! It appears that Jimmy Carter 2.0 has indeed prepared for just such a contingency and is going to his back-up plan to save him from this fall from grace. Still reading his teleprompter through the miracle of a swiveling neck, King Zero twirls around to face Vice President Joe Biden, who is regally sitting on the dias behind him.

[PolarCoug punches the appropriate button.]

“Stand up, Chuck! Let ‘em see ya!” screams BoBo the Clown. Joe sits there like a slab of unappreciated granite from the 2010 Pelosi Botex Collection, just Biden his time. “Come on, Chuck! Let the people see ya!” implores Barack Ilyich Lenin. Joe looks glued to his seat; his ass unwilling to extricate itself from the rich Corinthian leather of his high-backed executive throne. Somewhere in Ohio a horse has just given his all so that Biden wouldn’t come totally unglued at this defining moment of his completely un-illustrious career. For his part, Biden is reconsidering China’s one-child policy. “Perhaps,” he thinks, “The Soetoros had one too many kids.” Captain Clueless, unaccustomed as he is to being defied, implores Vice President Glueless one last time. “Chuck! Don’t be shy! Get up here! Let the people see ya!”

[PolarCoug adjusts the scroll knob to a moderately faster speed.]

The Chicago Charlatan’s lips quiver with excitement as the words tumble out of his oral orifice at approximately the speed of a freight train thundering down the track at the lice-infested hippie camped out at the nearest crossing guard sign. “A maggot could run against me and win in a landslide. At least it eats crap and does not spew it! If I had bent over any more to Boehner over the date of this speech Michelle was going to divorce me! If you want to know the truth I’m against jobs; unless they are controlled by the government or are ‘green’ boondoggles! And Boehner, I’m sorry about not consulting you first. But at least you’re not alone. Bela Pelosi wasn’t consulted, either. It’s still daylight. She can’t come out of her coffin until the sun goes down!” Whew! If Ear Leader had spoken any faster he would have fractured his tongue!

[PolarCoug flips a switch.]

The entire Democratic Caucus of the House of Representatives leaps to its feet, and yells “You lie!”

[PolarCoug twiddles the third knob from the left.]

“Impossible!” thunders LOLbama. “I practiced in front of the mirror in my bedroom for three weeks while Michelle threw expensive shoes at my head! Well, it wasn’t exactly my own bedroom. I was on Martha’s Vineyard livin’ the life of O’Reilly while the country went to Hand in a Hell-Basket!”

Biden stands up.

[PolarCoug calibrates the resonant frequency of the O’racle’s vocal chords against the sheen glimmering off of Biden’s newly-bleached teeth.]

“LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!” screams Mister Narcissistic Personality Disorder. “LOOK. AT. ME!”

Biden looks at him.

And this is when it happened. This is the moment the entire population of the world recalled as the precise instant in time when Oblahblah won the Nobel Prize in Dumbassery. This was the highlight of the night where Barry should have spent the evening visiting Uncle OingoBoingoDUI Obama instead of preaching to Congress. This was a moment tantamount to giving Anthony Weiner an overdose of saltpeter.

Barry acted stupidly, as he had countless times before:

  • Barry, the uninvited guest who invited himself to Capitol Hill.
  • Barry, who once flipped the bird during a debate.
  • Barry, who has allowed more people to look up his nostrils than any other politico in history.
  • Barry, who secretly knows they arrested the wrong Obama.
  • Barry, whose only friend is Casey Anthony because everyone hates her too!
  • Barry, whose stimulus was a Trojan Horse. Or, was it that the Trojan was a stimulus horse?
  • Barry, whose manufacturer forgot to include an ample supply of barf bags.
  • Barry, who watched the oceans rise and the earth crack; the total opposite of what he promised.
  • Barry, whom General George S. Patton should have slapped instead of an enlisted man.
  • Barry, who put the BS in joBS.
  • Barry, who won the Arab Spring—one lobster at a time.

And what was it that Obama did that was worthy of such notoriety?

You’ll be disappointed to learn that it’s really quite anti-climactic (pun intended) considering all of the foreplay we just went through. Obama simply realized he was having an election that was lasting for more than four hours!

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ When Cameron was in Egypt’s land…let my Weiner go! ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬

(◑‿◐)

Thank you, Mister Speaker, for suddenly growing a pair. Savor the moment, and don’t be afraid to use them again.

Obama put the BS in joBS

Okay, so you’ve all heard Irene is heading straight at Mister O’Wonderful’s vacation hideout on Martha’s Vineyard. Now, assuming he doesn’t cut-n-run (doubtful) we will see the spectacle of Irene transforming Mister O’Wonderful into Ilean out on the fifth hole. This tasty sight would dispel the notion that Mister O’Wonderful is a centrist. It would be blatantly clear to even the socialist Captain Obvious Bernie Sanders that O’Wonderful leans to the left. Oh, pardon me. He doesn’t lean. Ilean.

But Irene is nothing more than a minor bother to the Lobster Twins despite the predicted giant sucking sounds for Massachusetts this weekend. The real hurricane is gaining strength out in flyover country and the computer models are predicting a direct hit on November 2, 2012. Hurricane forecasters are pointing out that those hurricanes in the Northern Hemisphere spin counterclockwise. For those of you in Queens that means to the right! Don’t get confused, folks— its circular reasoning. We don’t need a weatherman to tell us which way the wind blows… but enough about Bill Ayers.

For all you liberals still in denial, I suggest you forget your troubles for a while and go see a movie. Uh, never mind, chances are that you would just see Patton slap Obama this time around. Hey, isn’t revisionist history wonderful! Anyway, back to November 2nd next year. Obama better hope that he doesn’t have an election lasting more than four hours. Why, you ask? This is why, America …

(__!__) <—– Before Obama, (__O__) <—– After Obama.

Obama has things so fouled up now the Kenyans are saying he was born in the United States. Seriously, my commie friends—I’m just trying to cheer you up. Like you, I’m waiting with baited breath (I am a penguin, after all) to hear that O’Lobster has his claws completely around this jobs thing. But no matter what spews forth from O’Lobster’s pie-hole next month… Never fear! Barry’s got a plan to run the whole economy on rainbow-colored unicorn farts.

Mister O'Wonderful

Mister O’Wonderful

Don’t laugh, I’m serious. Barry and the Banking Queen, Barney Frank, have been squirreled away for weeks now with a laser-like focus on jobs. They’re being proactive. They’re thinking strategically. They’re thinking outside the bun! The danger, of course, is that given his track record, Barney Frank will be tempted to lead from behind. Poor Barney Frank, he’s in over his head. Oh, in the interest of full disclosure I must reveal that this opinion piece has been paid for by the Committee to Erect Anthony Weiner. Sheesh, I heard it through the grapevine that Barney Frank has a staff infection. (I really kill me sometimes!) Sorry, I got off topic there for a bit. Back to more serious news. Anthony Weiner: Wasn’t he the subject of what we were talking about somewhere in the middle of this run-on paragraph? Yes, he was! And the latest news about Weiner is that he is made from one-hundred percent pulled pork! What’s the point? Oh yeah, paragraphs are supposed to have a topic sentence and everything else in the paragraph is supposed to support that topic sentence, right? Well, there’s not much I can do about the sentences I’ve already penned but I’ll get back on topic with the concluding sentence in this grammatical nightmare (Sorry about the dangling participle there, Weiner). Here goes nothing. Barack Obama has the brain of a turkey and I’ll bet the turkey was glad to be rid of it.

The Democrats 2012 campaign strategy: If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with Barack. It has been quite enlightening for those of us who are conservatives to learn about ATM economics. What an education! Oh, the soaring rhetoric that spills from the lips of the Chicago Messiah whenever he speaks about those evil ATMs. But let us cut to the chase about Automatic Teller Machines. Obama’s real problem is that the ATM does not give out money based on a worker’s need and thus is an instrument of oppression. It isn’t like Obama can’t solve this ATM tragedy if he really wants to. Laws that liberals don’t like aren’t really laws, they’re just worded wrong. So Obama can just ignore banking laws in the same manner he ignores court decisions about the unconstitutionality of ObamaCare. He can simply do whatever he wants while we, the great masses of the unwashed, just keep wasting away again down in Obamaville. With fiends like Obama who needs an enema?

Sorry for this disjointed piece of prose. But, you know, you have to be real and these thoughts just keep tumbling out of my brain. It’s a matter of medical health for me. You see, if I don’t write these things down as they spill out of my cranium I end up feeling repressed. And you don’t want a repressed penguin on the loose, do you? So, here is the disjointed thought for this paragraph. The thought I am about to express had its origin in the second paragraph when I brought up the subject of Massachusetts. It sort of wiggled its way out of my frontal lobe and morphed into what you are about to read. Okay, here it is, brain dump time… Gee, someone cheated on a Kennedy…isn’t it usually the other way around? (Sorry, Arnold)

That last paragraph really moved me. Speaking of earthquakes, I hope future quakes create more land. Maybe, just maybe, a new “America” will form and we can have New New York!

Let us conclude with Obama’s job performance, or lack thereof, which is the underlying cause of the hurricane heading straight for a polling booth near you. You need a job and Barry’s just been busy winning the ‘Arab Spring’, one lobster at a time. You want secure borders but are left wondering if man evolved from apes then how do you explain Janet Napolitano? China has a one child policy and we have a one Biden policy. We’re told to watch what we eat while The First Lardass of the United States is swigging premium vodka, devouring lobster, and getting luxurious massages all on our dime. And don’t even get me started on her personal jet for the trip to Martha’s Vineyard. But (butt?) I will excuse that indiscretion this one time because I’m sure the Air Force has weight load limitations on those puny 747s they call Air Force One.

Between campaign appearances, there is no Barack Obama. Barack Obama, the man of a thousand excuses. So, Mister O’Wonderful, is it true that the people who live there on the island can get jobs as instructors at the Kennedy Community Diving and Swim Center in Chappaquiddick?

Hey, Barry! Copernicus called. He said you’re not the center of the universe!

Everybody, get your Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle loaded and hunker down.

And lest you think it is just conservatives that are sick of Barry, today’s news is that Richard Trumpka of AFL-CIO fame is threatening to withdraw union funding from the Democrats. See what happens when you do not vet your candidate, Kool-Aid drinker? Obama is going to plead with Trumpka, arguing that he inherited a mess. But the fact is that he begged for the job knowing that fact. Is he insane? Yes.

But, enough about Barry; next time we will discuss the other half of the Lobster Twins. We’ll all learn why Michelle is a perfect example of taxidermy gone wrong. Stuff it, Barry. Stuff it, Michelle. Stuff it, Joe Biden. Stuff it, Debbie Downer. And, “You first,” Maxine Waters.

Perhaps, now that the Libya conflict is winding down Barry will decide to attack Norway. Forget it, Barry. We can’t afjoird it!

Remember, America, you can’t fix stupid, but you can vote it out.

Weiner is his own Wurst Enemy

Okay, so Obama just lost his Weiner. Big deal. It’s not like it was an isolated incident. In fact, several years ago the Rev. (and I use that term loosely) Jessie Jackson said “I want to cut his nuts off.” Beans and Wienies—some foods just naturally go together. I mean, in a perfect world you could crack open a pineapple and cottage cheese would spill out. But we are stuck here on planet Earth and we’re going to have to get our protein from cheap sausage instead—hold the small curd cottage cheese.

After enduring several weeks of public (drop the “l” and the context is actually quite a bit more accurate) humiliation the Weiner resigns from Congress at a senior center, which leads us to the subject of this entirely too long run-on sentence—where do old Weiners go to die?

Anthony Weiner

Normal people, after suffering the disgrace of twittered pulled pork, would crawl into the deepest hole they could find and drown their sorrows in caramelized onions and sauerkraut. But this Weiner has no shame. So where did this Weiner go to die? The Hamptons, of course! Where else would a Weiner go that likes to toot his own horn? They don’t call it Long Island for nothing! The New York City media, lead by the New York Post, tracked Brooklyn’s version of Abe Froman (the sausage king of Chicago in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off) to a King Kullen grocery store in Manorville, Long Island just a few hours after his nationally-televised resignation announcement. So there was Weiner, with Huma at his side, singing fifties doo-wop love songs under his breath while flinging chicken and salad into a shopping cart. I know there’s gotta be a joke in there somewhere about Weiners choking chickens. I can’t think of it now, but if I remember it I will be sure to share! I’ll take roasted Weiners for $600, Alex!

It’s not like Weiner is going to starve to death now that he is losing his $174,000 Congressional salary. After all, he still has a sense of Huma and Huma gets a fancy paycheck from the State Department, courtesy of the HildaBeast. What’s more, Larry Flynt recognizes real talent when he sees it (for that matter, we’ve all seen it) and has offered the left-leaning Weiner a shot at an internet communications career unfettered by morals at a starting salary of $200,000 a year. Poor little Weiner.

Notice how libs never feel shame? You name the sexual perversion and the libs are right there leading the charge into Sodom and Gomorrah. Oral sex in the Oval Office? Check! Cross Dressing? Check! Gender Reassignment? Check! Bestiality? Check! Voyeurism? Check! Pedophilia? Check! Paraphilia? Check! Bigamy? Check! Running a male homosexual prostitution ring in a home where your roomie is a Congressman? Check! Tweeting your meat? Check! And Double-Check!

Liberals have an agenda and that is to tear down every part of society that stands for freedom, the rule of law, morality, personal responsibility, and belief in God. Weiner is a field commander of the leftist troops (or would that be trollops?) in the war against decency. Weiner, like most liberals, seeks to define deviancy downward. The real shame in his online antics is that he has opened a window to his soul and having peeked inside, we have beheld the real Weiner. This isn’t conjecture. He has confessed to it. He has admitted that the accusations are true.

The real danger to all of the sexual perversions promulgated by the liberals is that they destroy families. Just take a look at the large cities run by liberals. Detroit. East Saint Louis. Chicago. Washington, D.C. and Baltimore, etc. We find fathers abandoning their children and their wives in record numbers. We find latchkey kids. We find high levels of marital separations and divorce. We find single mothers struggling to care for themselves and their children in a world of poverty and welfare because the men, who aren’t acting like men, have run away from their family responsibilities. We find Hillary Clinton’s misguided mindset that “it takes a village” when it reality all it takes are a mother and a father working together to lead their families and raise their children.

There is now a branch of scholarship that examines the politics of family destruction. And what destroys families? Liberalism! The family is the most fundamental unit of society. And that is what the liberals are attacking. They know if they can destroy families that they will win the war. They know that if they can destroy the love parents naturally feel for their children that big government will be the only place people can run to for safety. Cradle to grave Big Brother is what it is all about for the leftists. The destruction of nuclear families is actually part of the liberals’ political platform. That is why abortion is such a big deal to liberals. Murder the children and the family is destroyed.

Angry, bitter, vocal, activist Weiners are exactly the type of people the left needs in order to destroy society as we know it. What will Weiner do next? None of us know exactly what job title he will end up with, but we all know it will end up somehow as a Community Organizer. Now where have we heard that term before? Does that ring a bell? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller? Community Organizer is nothing more than a code phrase for radical activism—Social terrorism, for lack of a better term. Weiner fits the job description for the liberal agenda.

This Weiner will rise again.

And we will be there when he does and will send his meat packing because his mask has forever been removed and we all see him for what he is—For what he has admitted he is. Two days in therapy at an undisclosed location hasn’t changed Weiner at all. For all we know, his “therapy” could have been simply an orientation session for his next gig. Time will tell.

The politics of family destruction has been perfected by the leftists, communists, socialists, and liberals in America. But the chickens have come home to roost. Weiner may well have destroyed his own family as a result of his hormonally supercharged quest to tweet his meat. What goes around comes around, Weiner.

Wickedness never was happiness (you’d be surprised to know where that phrase originated), Weiner. You will spend the rest of your life kicking against the pricks, Weiner—only to ultimately discover that you have been kicking against yourself. Your radical liberalism is your personal downfall, Mr. Weiner. You are your own wurst enemy.

A Weiner By Any Other Name Would Be As Flaccid

A day after telling reporters that he’s “not going to talk about this anymore,” Congressman Anthony Weiner (D-N.Y.) broke his silence Wednesday about the controversy surrounding a lewd photo sent from his Twitter account.

“This was a circumstance where someone committed a prank on the internet,” he told MSNBC’s Luke Russert. “I didn’t send [that] picture out” the congressman said, though he does not know who did. Is the photo of him? “I can’t say with certitude” he told Russert.

“It was a prank,” Weiner reiterated. “This is not a national security matter. We’re not making a federal case out of this.”(1)

And so it went. The NY poster-boy for loudmouth progressive liberals is caught with his pants down about his hypocritical ankles. Reading this story one wonders why Congressman Weiner, if he is so innocent, would one… be a Twitter follower of the woman who received the picture and two…why he found the need to hire a lawyer after he just minimized the import and significance of the very incident/s he’s just hired the lawyer to protect him over. As is common with this stuff liberals cannot stand being egoistically knocked down a peg and so he lashed out at Andrew Breitbart. That was and has proved to be very bad political judgement. For when you are both a hypocrite and egotist as a politician lucidity in judgement is wanting. And so the house of cards started tumbling down upon our hero.

Weiner insisted he had done nothing wrong and said he would fully cooperate with a House inquiry.

People who draw conclusions about me are free to do so,” Weiner said. “I’ve worked for the people of my district for 13 years and in politics for 20 years and I hope they see fit to see this in the light that it is.”
But in a new twist, the married Weiner also acknowledged that he had engaged in inappropriate contact with six women over the course of three years through social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook and occasionally over the phone. He said he had never met or had a physical relationship with any of the women and was not even sure of their ages. He also said he had never had sex outside of his marriage.

The news conference, unusually blunt even by New York standards, went on nearly half an hour and capped a week of double-entendre, tabloid-headlines and late-night jokesters’ snide comments. With eyes welling and voice breaking, Weiner fielded questions from dozens of shouting reporters as the cameras clicked.(2)

In New York State, the 9th District was always considered a shoe-in for the demonRATs. Not so anymore though as the last challenger to Weiner garnered a full 42% of the ballots in a squeaker.(3) Already greatly unpopular for his support of Obama, who in turn has been a staunch suporter of the Palestinian cause the orthodox Jewish population in the 9th is in a veritable uproar. That district has seen a marked change in religious and national origin demographics and the demonRATic political sharpies like homey liberal Chuckie-boy Schoo-fly know it. Whether Mr. Weiner realizes it or not he has become the next cheering passenger on the Obama bus to be thrown underneath it and his pal the senior senator from New York is greasing the skids of his demise.

Score one point for Dame Fate acting ‘in the public interest’.

Sources:
(1) http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/01/anthony-weiner-twitter-photo_n_869769.html
(2) http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/06/06/ap/business/main20069489.shtml
(3) http://www.humanevents.com/article.php?id=43928

Michelle’s Hair is all the Bush’s Fault

Just when we thought we had seen it all on this gaffetastic European vacation we discover massive quantities of flora sprouting out of Michelle Obama’s head. The Conservative Daily News doesn’t have legal rights to publish that totally awesome photograph so I can’t show it to you directly, but hey, just lick the clink…uh, click the link! Drat, that’s the wrong link. Try this one! Any time now the White House will issue a statement claiming that Michelle’s new do’ is all the Bush’s fault. And as devastating as that photo is of Audrey II of Little Shop of Horrors fame looking like the Afro by MoreGro, the runaway plant is the least of Michelle’s problems.

Just a day earlier Michelle MaBelle (why has your figure gone to Hell?) suffered a wardrobe malfunction when the wind threatened to blow her outrageous outfit up over her backyard vegetable garden. Oops, we’re not talking the headshot anymore. Okay, we’ll fix that…“Just a day earlier Michelle MaBelle (why has your figure gone to Hell?) suffered a wardrobe malfunction when the wind threatened to turn Michelle into a spokeswoman for rubber-covered fire hose. 500 pound test. Engineered to lay flat. Ozone resistant. One piece construction. Huge nozzle. Sucks to be you, Michelle.

In other news, the plant died.

Okay, back to the plant. Actually, that plant hairdo is way better than her normal coifs. Michelle looked just like a Christmas tree. She’s never subscribed to the Golden Rule that “less is more”. It’s all paste, fake – the plant was giving her a hint. I bet one of her aides bought that rhinestone necklace Michelle was wearing in the palace gift shop. The necklace looked like it got tangled up with three other ones and Michelle caved and decided to wear all of them. Did you catch the hypocrisy? She draped all sorts of paste jewelry around her neck but somehow neglected to wear her wedding ring. The jewelry was fake–just like the Obamas. Oh, did you hear? The plant died. The brassiness of her jewelry is surpassed only by her lousy makeup which makes her look like a Jack-o-Lantern. Speaking of Jackie O’, we never had to scrape seeds out of John F. Kennedy’s wife. I mean, just sayin’. To put it politely, Michelle gives an entirely new meaning to the word “Prune.” I now see why her husband never had any affairs…uh, ….

Just a hint here Mister Secret Service driver–Putting a tree in the trunk tends to make limos bottom-out while exiting embassies in Ireland, or anywhere else for that matter. Besides, (s)he ain’t heavy, (s)he’s my Harry Reid. And while you are at it you better modify Air Force One to include a rear cargo ramp – emphasis on “rear.”

I notice that the Queen has been keeping her distance from Michelle this trip. Guess she doesn’t like being pawed over. But despite the weightier matters of state, the one thing that makes Michelle unattractive over any other considerations is her scowl. It has been said that a person’s countenance is a reflection on the outside of what is going on inside. Given that scowl and the giant weed behind her head, Michelle looked like Diana Ross on crack sporting a kudzu fetish.

So we end up where we began. We think we have seen in all on the Obamas’ European vacation. But wait, they’re heading to France. Imagine the possibilities! Like General Norman H. Schwarzkopf once said, “Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion.”

The ObaMartini: Made from Absolut Zero

Barack Obama is coming to Ground Zero – which is appropriate given his well-earned moniker – Zero. It isn’t by accident that the ObaMartini is made from Absolut Zero. And it wasn’t by accident that the president who preceded him turned down his invitation to attend the ceremony. After Obama’s anti-trump tirade at the White House Correspondents Dinner there wasn’t a chance in Hell that George W. Bush was going to share a podium with the Communist-In-Chief. Thank you sir! May I have another?

Obama is going to Ground Zero to bask in the glory of having the guts to kill a guy. Not bad for a Nobel Peace Prize winning community agitator from Chicago. Mission Accomplished! Or not. Osama bin Laden pictures. Or not. Bush did the heavy lifting and now Obama is going to claim all the glory. This from a man who dithering since last August over whether he should turn bin Laden into Shark food. Let’s be perfectly clear about something – Obama didn’t make the decision based upon military considerations. He made the decision based upon political considerations. And the longer he dithered the greater the chance that his dithering was going to get exposed in public and he would have been persona non grata at every voting precinct in the county dead voters included. His was not an act of political courage. His was an act of political cowardice. Doing the right thing for the wrong reason isn’t courageous – it’s just stupid pandering to one’s political base. If George Bush had ordered the attack just imagine the outcry from the left. Impeachment votes would already be readied in Congress. But because it is a community agitator who pulled the trigger, so to speak, the leftists are strangely quiet.

Aw, Barry needs a megaphone moment at Ground Zero. Keep milking that bull, Barry. There is only one thing America wants to know about your visit to Ground Zero. Will you be wearing your mom jeans?

 

A Plan Was Hatched – Obama Was Not

Obama didn’t release his birth certificate to shut down the birthers – he did it to label the entirety of the right as “carnival barkers.”

Obama's Birth Certificate

On April 27th, Obama finally put the birth certificate thing to rest for the majority of Americans .. we think. The conspiracy theorists are already using Adobe’s natural behavior to prove that the certificate is a fake and the anti-conspiracy theorists are pointing out how the conspiracy guys are wrong. We’ve even see how some believe that by releasing his birth certificate, Obama may have sealed his fate as a one term President. Everyone is wrong.

In listening to Obama’s comments on the release of his long form birth certificate I heard things that made me cringe. He isn’t releasing this to shut the right up, he’s hoping Conservatives go off the deep-end and push the conspiracy until there is a guy on the grassy gnoll with a second optical scanner, copy machine or birth certificate.

We’re not going to be able to do it if we just make stuff up and pretend that facts are not facts.  We’re not going to be able to solve our problems if we get distracted by sideshows and carnival barkers.

When GOP candidates start re-visiting Obama’s Presidential record and reminding the electorate of the absolute blunders, mis-truths and lies – he will remind us that the right has been proven wrong time-and-time again on their so-called facts. “They just make stuff up”, the President will say, “just like that whole birth certificate thing”. And images of Trumps idiotic prancing about the country, re-invigorating the issue that most of us had let die, just to have the entire right look like fringe lunatics – exactly the strategy that killed Sharron Angle’s bid to unseat Harry Reid.

Donald Trump Bad Hair

As if it weren’t enough, Donald Trump today pressed the issue by giving the conspiracy theorists a bone:

Now we have to look at it. We have to see is it real? Is it proper? What’s on it? But I hope it checks out beautifully.

“Sideshows and Carnival barkers..” with Donald Trump as the front-and-center image – this is a well-thought plan to get the moderates to distance themselves from anything remotely right-of-center.

The Plan

  1. Create an image of a group of crazy people – check
  2. Get Trump to work them into a frenzy – check
  3. Prove them all wrong – check
  4. Have Trump get them to push the conspiracy anyway – check
  5. Use the cemented image that the right is all a bunch of crazy people to win re-election – in-progress

In a Washington Post article entitled “An embarrassment to the country”, Adam Serwer started executing step 5:

Trump’s lunacy emboldened conservative media sources to fully embrace birtherism. According to Media Matters, Fox News has spent over two hours promoting false claims about Obama’s birthplace across 54 segments, and only in ten did Fox News hosts challenge those claims.

Examine Bernanke’s comments at the Federal Reserve press conference, debate the real cause of fuel, food and clothing prices rising while home prices plummet, discuss China’s approach to overtaking the United States as the world’s predominate economy – do any of those, but leave the fricken birth certificate to die.

When Obama lifts his Nose High, Does Pez come out of His Neck?

Ladies and Gentlemen, we at the Conservative Daily News have uncovered an old transcription of Barack Obama getting psychoanalysis from Dr. Sigmund Freud. This medical records transcription lays bare Obama’s psyche for the world to see and, quite by accident, gives us an understanding into why his birth certificate remains hidden—just think how old this transcription must be! Let’s read it now, shall we?

Receptionist: Your 2 o’clock is here, Dr. Freud.

Freud: Thank you, Lillie, send in the beclowned.

<Various rustling noises.> We’ll now skip the intros and move the recording right ahead to the therapy session in order to save time.

Freud: You are king of the world for one day. As king, you have to order the beheading of one conservative. Who will that person be?

Obama: Just one day? That’s not fair! That’s not the change I was looking for! Who do you think you are treating me like this? Did the HildaBeast bribe you to ask me that question?  Look, I know where you are coming from and let me tell you what—I’m not the crazed sex poodle around here! I know this former V.P. dude and I’ll let you in on something—spend some time in a hotel room with that guy and you’ll forget what side of the sheet your back is rubbed on! Curl my hairs? Hell, curl his hairs! And put a bob on his tail, if you know what I mean!

Freud: <sigh>…Calm down, Barry. Just answer the question and then we’ll be able to proceed. Now, which conservative do you most want to behead?

Obama: Seriously?

Freud: But of course, Barry. Now be a good little community organizer and tell me the name of the conservative you would most like to fillet with a guillotine.

Obama: Do I have to close Gitmo, too?

Freud: No, Barry—Just the beheading.

Obama: Hmmmm, it’s a tempting thought. Of course Mitt Romney comes to mind. Talk about having a bad hair day, ROFL!!! Of course, George Custer had a bad hair day at the Little Big Horn. And then there is “The Donald.” If anyone needs a close shave it’s that bombastic real estate salesman. But you know those guys aren’t even close to the Top 10. Wow, this is tougher than Las Vegas Week on American Idol. Tougher than paying for one of Michelle’s vacations, too! Now, don’t go blaming me for those vacos, that’s all the First Lay’s fault. Crap, there I went forgetting the “d” again! That wasn’t a Freudian slip was it, doc? Oh well, I know you’re not going to answer that question. Sooooo…who’s the lucky stiff? Well, if I had to choose just one…

Freud: We’re on the clock, Barry. Just answer the question and we’ll be able to keep the cost down.

Obama: I don’t care about keeping the cost down.

Freud: So I hear…now, please, just answer the question.

Obama: Fine. If I had to pick just one it would be…naw, I can’t go with that chicken Huckabee. If you cut off the Huckster’s head, he would still run around for 20 years but the lousy bastard wouldn’t lay any edible eggs. Hey, eggs! I really crack me up sometimes! Oh, you’re not laughing. Oh, all right, getting serious here…I pick Ted Nugent.

Freud: Hmmmmm… I see… now why would that be?

Obama: Cuz back in the day, August 21, 2007 in fact, Nugent was giving a concert in Michigan and he informed the crowd that he had told me to suck on his machine gun.

Freud: And you took offense at that?

Obama: It’s a lie. We don’t even know each other—At least in the Biblical sense.

Freud: So let me get this straight… you’re opposed to lies now?

Freud writes a note in his notepad: “I wonder if Obama ever lifts his nose to the sky and Pez comes out of his neck?”

Obama: I can’t stand this dirty job. All I want to do is go home to Chicago.

Freud: Speaking of dirty, Mister Obama, what brand of washing machine do you own?

Obama: A Whirlpool. I like the spin.

Freud: Perhaps you should invest in a Maytag. You’ll be much happier with a Maytag. In fact the Maytag Company has a new washing machine named after you. The agitator goes back and forth faster and then it steals your clothes.

Obama: Can’t we just stick to the subject, doc? I have a hard enough time understanding Ken…uh… kenyah economics.

Freud: Oh, I thought you said “Keynsian” economics. You mean “Kenyan” economics? Oh….Huh….hmm.

Obama: Can I ask a question about another patient?

Freud: Sure, but I won’t divulge anything of a private nature between doctor and patient.

Obama: Oh, I don’t think it is very private. All I want to know is if Barney Frank is in touch with his feelings.

Freud: Like I said, I won’t divulge anything of a primate, uhhh… correction, of a private nature between doctor and patient.

Obama: Oh, gotcha.

Freud: Why did you appoint Debbie Wasserman-Schultz to become the new head of the Democratic Party?

Obama: Look, don’t blame me for your sex obsessed psycho theories! Wasserman could be Nancy Pelosi’s and Alan Grayson’s love child, for all I know.

Freud: Just askin’. Sheesh. I know she does Florida and Dallas but I just didn’t figure her for the type that did the Beltway, too.

Freud writes another note: “The Obama Administration is the meth lab of democracy.”

Obama: blab, blab, blab So, as I was saying to the missus “Look Eve, I appreciate the thought, but a fig leaf would have been fine. Blah, blah, blah.

Freud: Another note: “Obama is a boiled sprat. Hmmmm, my dyslexia must be icking kin.”

Freud: So, Barry, when does this hope and change thing kick in?

Obama: That does it! I’m getting out of here. You’re accusing my Kool-Aid of starting to taste funny!

Freud: Mellow out, Jackwagon! Relax. Take a deep breath. Now, tell me why you went to the White House Easter Egg Roll. The kids were confused. They expected a bunny, not a community organizer.

Obama: The Chinese paid for it and they asked me to host the event.

Freud: Can I have an order of rabbit fried rice with that Easter Egg Roll? Oh, sorry, Barry.  But those weren’t the first eggs laid by your Administration.

Obama: That’s okay… but I need a vacation after that busy weekend!

Freud: You really should have renamed the Easter Egg Roll to Kick the Can Down the Road.

Obama: Oh, I know. Michelle told me that hosting an egg roll was pushing the limits of my leadership.

Freud: I heard the Energizer Bunny was invited but his Chevy Volt broke down and he was unable to make it.

Obama: <Silence.>

Receptionist: Sorry to break in, Doctor Freud. But I was going to call the deli for your afternoon snack. Got any special requests?

Freud: I’ll take a Kloppenburger to go, please. Hold the pickles. No! I changed my mind. I’ll take two McJobs and an Illegal Alien to go. Oh, Lillie, please order this for Michelle. Barry’s bringing lunch back for her. Now, getting back to business, Barry—during the coming week I want you to concentrate on not lying so much.

Freud: Another note: “For Obama, lying is an art form. It’s what happens when he thinks the media will just curtsy and blow kisses.”

Obama: Thanks, Doc. You’ve given me a lot to think about. See you Tuesday.

Obama walks to the door while Dr. Freud holds his breath. Freud writes one final note in his notebook.

“Benjamin Franklin wrote: ‘Fish and visitors smell in 3 days’. Obama has them both beat by a landslide.’”

 

 

Obama is not the Hawaiian Droid we are looking for: Move Along

Barack Hussein Obama claims to have been born in Hawaii on August 4th, 1961 at the Kapi’olani Maternity & Gynecological Hospital in Honolulu (now known as the Kapi’olani Medical Center for Women and Children).

Interior view of the Granite Mountain Records Vault – the world’s largest depository of genealogical records.

Donald Trump made news this week by publicly disputing Obama’s claim to have been born in the United States, telling Meredith Vieira on the Today show that he has “people who have been studying it, and they cannot believe what they are finding.” Stunned, Vieira asked for clarification, wanting to know if Trump had researchers in Hawaii looking into the question of Obama’s birthplace. “Absolutely,” replied Trump. Trump also reminded viewers of the Today show that Obama has spent in excess of $2 million in legal fees in an attempt to hide his past – including his birth certificate.

Now few of us have either the money or the inclination to go to Hawaii in search of Obama’s true birthplace like Trump is doing. But fortunately we don’t have to. The greatest genealogical library system the world has ever known is the Family History Library belonging to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  To consider the vast scope of resources available to researchers at the Family History Library consider these facts:

  • The library was founded in 1894.
  • There are more than 4,500 branches of the Family History Library scattered throughout the world.
  • The library’s public collection includes over 2.2 million rolls of microfilmed genealogical records: 742,000 microfiche; 200,000 books, serials, and other formats; and 4,500 periodicals.
    All records are meticulously preserved in an environment of controlled humidity, temperature, and lighting.
  • Currently, the Family History Center has nearly 300 cameras currently microfilming records in over 40 countries.
  • The collection increases by an average of 4,100 rolls of film and 700 books per month.
  • More than 230 full-time and part-time professional staff and nearly 200 well-trained volunteers are on hand to help visitors take full advantage of the tremendous resources available at the Family History Library in researching their genealogy.
  • Visitors’ research is further aided by 84 patron computers, 600 microfilm readers, 75 microfiche readers, 31 microfilm and microfiche copiers, and 10 book copiers. The library has seating capacity for 365 at tables, plus additional standing workspace, and also offers regular orientation classes and specialized research classes.

The above facts just touch on the scope of the library system.

Granite Mountain Records Vault belonging to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

The system’s collections are so vast that the LDS Church burrowed three shafts 600 feet deep into the side of Granite Mountain east of Salt Lake City, Utah in Little Cottonwood Canyon to use as a repository for their microfilmed genealogical records collection. Now that’s some serious digging! You probably haven’t heard of the Granite Mountain Records Vault before but many of you will be familiar with its immediate neighbors – the Alta and Snowbird ski resorts!

Copies of the records stored at the Granite Mountain Records Vault are made available to library patrons at the main library in Salt Lake City, Utah, at its vast network of branch libraries through library loan, and also online at its Family Search web site: www.familysearch.org

Go ahead and click on www.familysearch.org and try to find evidence of Obama having been born in Hawaii. Can’t do it? Didn’t think so!

Now visit Ancestry.com which is the world’s largest commercial collection of genealogy records. Sign up for an account and knock yourself out looking for evidence of Obama being born in Hawaii. Don’t worry, I’ll wait up for you! Yawn, done yet? Didn’t find it, did you! Don’t be surprised, I wasn’t either.

You can even go to your local library and login there to HeritageQuest, an online genealogical database. If you have an account you can search it here:  Been there and done that. SSDD. You get the picture. Would you like a T-shirt with that?

The point is that no matter where you look, you just aren’t going to find genealogical records evidence that Obama was born in Hawaii – or anywhere else in the United States of America for that matter. It doesn’t look too good for Obama’s claim of being a natural born citizen now does it?! You can search through census records, vital records, birth records, probate records, immigration records, archived CDs, Cyndi’s list (www.cyndislist.com ) The International Genealogical Index (IGI), The Ancestry File, www.rootsweb.com www.Onegreatfamily.com , http://usgenweb.org/ ,  and New FamilySearch https://new.familysearch.org/en/action/unsec/welcome yada, yada, yada… and you will find no evidence that Obama was born in Hawaii in 1961. Sham. Wow!

On the July 23, 2009, edition of MSNBC’s Hardball, conservative radio host G. Gordon Liddy claimed that there is “a deposition, which is a sworn statement, from the stepgrandmother, who says, ‘I was present and saw [Obama] born in Mombasa, Kenya.’ ” Further, according to WorldNetDaily, two individuals who purportedly took part in a telephone interview with Obama’s stepgrandmother, Anabaptist minister Ron McRae and Rev. Kweli Shuhubia, each asserted in their affidavits that Obama’s stepgrandmother told them that Obama was born in Mombasa. [Media Matters, 7/23/09]

It is highly doubtful that Obama’s lawyers got the LDS Church to destroy their microfilmed records of births in 1961 – the library is kinda’ funny about stuff like that. It is equally doubtful that Ancestry.com scrubbed its databases clean on behalf of Obama. Ditto with HeritageQuest, Rootweb, probate records (containing his daddy’s will), and so on, and so on. The preponderance of the evidence seems to indicate that Obama was born somewhere else, like, say, Kenya? I mean, that’s where his grandmother claims she saw him pop out into the world. Gee, what a thought! And if Obama was indeed born in Kenya then as Trump is maintaining, the Democrats have so far gotten away with the biggest con job in the history of politics. Now, I ask you, would Democrats lie? Hmmmmm…..

“I, Dr. Chiyome Fukino, Director of the Hawaii State Department of Health, have seen the original vital records maintained on file by the Hawaii State Department of Health verifying Barack Hussein Obama was born in Hawaii and is a natural-born American citizen. I have nothing further to add to this statement or my original statement issued in October 2008 over eight months ago.” [USA Today, 7/28/09; Hawaii Department of Health press release, 7/27/09]

Just last year the State of Hawaii admitted that it had “lost” or “misplaced” Obama’s original birth certificate. This turn of events kind of places the aforementioned statement of Dr. Chiyome Fukino into a new light, doesn’t it? Hey, I’ve got an idea, why don’t they contact the LDS Church and ask them for a copy of the microfilmed record kept at the Granite Mountain Records Vault? Uh, never mind…

Now the progressives can continue to attack the messengers and call them Birthers. It’s an innovative tactic, you know, ridiculing those who question Obama’s citizenship. But just step back for a moment and look at the evidence that supports Obama’s contention that he really is from Hawaii. Not much there, huh?  Shaaaazammm!

Perhaps it is time we came up with a name for the other side, like Deniers! Payback sure is a Behar, isn’t it!

Obama Diagnosed with Serious Case of Electile Dysfunction

So one evening I was at work polishing my crystal balls when what do you know, Barack Hussein Obama enters my office, seeking a palm reading and his horoscope. Glug, now this is gonna hurt! But an astrologer has gotta do what an astrologer has gotta do. Now I’m gonna have to go do the Voodoo that I do so well!

Obama sat himself down in a chair on the other side of the table. I’m still in shock that he’s actually here – perhaps my turban is wound up too tight! I check it. Nope, it’s okay. I momentarily regret being a man of the cloth. I take courage and stretch forth my hands, indicating to Obama that he is to place the palm of his left hand in my hands. He gingerly reached out and placed his palm where I could plainly see it.

I immediately noticed that his Mind line pointed straight to the Moon mount. I also noticed that the Moon mount was pointed in the direction of Larry Sinclair, who was still awaiting his turn out in the lobby.  “Ohhhhh!” I said, “Have you read any good books lately?” My vast training and experience were kicking in as I knew that the Mind line pointing down to the Moon mount meant that Obama was a lover of literature. “Why, yes!” replied Obama. “I’m right in the middle of a book about the birth of the U.S. Navy. It’s titled ‘To The Shores of Tripoli.’” I nodded wisely. “Yes,” I said. “That book is a real beach.”

Now I turned my attention to Obama’s Heart line. Yowzers! There was no Heart line! Now my mind was racing! I considered the possibility that Obama had just arrived from Mars. “Are you some kind of alien, perhaps?” I inquired of Obama. “How can you have no heart line and no feelings at all?” Then he stunned me. “That’s nothing,” replied Obama. “I don’t have a birth certificate, either.” Now this was getting interesting. “Hawaii?” I asked. “Beats me” said Obama, playing his Trump card, “Kenya lend me yours?” I felt Barry’s pain. Trump had him by the short form and was squeezing Barry pretty hard. “Have you noticed yourself speaking in a high-pitched voice lately,” I asked Obama. “Has Jesse Jackson been talking to you,” asked Obama right back at me, obviously still angry about Jackson’s threat to cut off his cajones. “How about some coffee,” I replied, trying to defuse the situation. “I hear you like it with sugar. One lump or two?” Obama reacted violently, slamming his hand down on the table. “I hate your double entendres,” yelled Obama. “Can’t you just give me a simple reading?” Sigh, the patient was being difficult. “I suppose you didn’t have your ham and eggs for breakfast, did you?” I inquired of BarackyBoy. That popped his cork. Obama leaped to his feet and rushed up behind me. So I turned around and kicked him square in the cash and prizes. Bingo! The attitude adjustment session was over!

After getting the Secret Service dudes to haul Renegade (his Secret Service code name) back in his chair, we continued with the palm reading. I peeked at his Life line. Now this was interesting! It forked downwards, which meant that Obama tended to be pessimistic and an introvert. “So how are you and Michelle getting along?” I asked Obama. “I know it’s a heavy question but it’s also quite important.” I only asked the question because according to Fox News, Michelle Odrama had just made another controversial statement about just now being proud of her country for the first time in her adult life. “You leave my wife outta this,” groaned Obama, still rubbing what was left of his mashed potatoes. “You mean wives, as in plural, don’t you?” I inquired. I kept a straight face. After all, I’m a professional. “You either have more than one wife or the Michelle O’tractor is hauling a really wide load,” I said. I couldn’t help it. I had visions of Michelle dressed like a hippo in lace. “I can’t lie to you,” said Obama. Now that was a first! “The military had to call in a load master to get her into Air Force One for the trip to Brazil. And the captain told me if we hadn’t been taking off from Andrews Air Force Base’s extra long runway that we never would have gotten airborne!” It was then that I remembered that Michelle was on TV hawking her anti-obesity pills. Michelle’s words came back to me…fade to black…fade in Michelle’s Infomercial… “Hi there. I’m Michelle Obama and I just lost 85 pounds on the Obama-system program in just 104 weeks. That’s right; I lost 85 pounds in just 104 weeks. Just think, in another 104 weeks, you’ll be rid of me completely.” Hallelujah!!! Being the professional that I am, I recalled that obesity is up in every state but Nevada. Nutritionists cite the aerobic benefits of gambling with prostitutes. And now Harry Reid wants to put a stop to it. This reminded me that New York City is considering a ban in the use of trans fats for cooking. While trans fats may soon be illegal, fat trannies are still going to be allowed to graze unsupervised in piano bars across the city. Life just ain’t fair. For example, Africa is facing a growing obesity problem and the World Health Organization predicts it will get worse. This is a tragic turn of events, since it’s hard for Michelle to get her kids to eat their chicken nuggets with, “Eat your dinner, there are millions of fat people in Africa.” Sigh, my work on the Life line was done. Gotta keep moving forward and get this palm reading over with once and for all.

Finally, I began my examination of Obama’s Destiny line. I saw that his Destiny line overlapped the Life line and was long and strongly marked. “Your Life line tells me that you are convinced that your life is under the control of your destiny and does not depend on your own decisions,” I told Obama. “Rather, you believe in a collective salvation for all mankind, Comrade.” Obama pulled himself straight up in his chair, ignoring his throbbing purple nurples. “At least I don’t bitterly cling to my guns and my religion,” Obama replied. “Yeah,” I said, “But you sure have a firm grip on your Cass Sunsteins,” pointing at his pain. “Look,” I said. “I’m really just trying to help you. Let me give you some advice – the same bit of advice I gave to Barney Frank. I know, I know, two leftists don’t make a right. That’s true. Look, here it is. Take it or leave it. But you really shouldn’t run for re-election. You’ve got (pointing at his Sunsteins) the worst case of Electile Dysfunction I have ever seen.”

Obama’s time was up. He had paid for the session with other people’s money and their cash had just run out. Obama almost reached the door when he turned back and said “Okay, you did the palm reading but you still owe me for the horoscope.” Sigh. “Fine, take your seat again” I said. He had me, I owed it to him.

I took a deep breath and then spilled the beans. “Until November 2012 transiting Neptune will be 180° to your Node. This shows further undermining of your marriage, as the Node is in his seventh house of marriage. It is also a time where you will find it very difficult to adjust to the people around you, both at home and in Libya. You will tend to mistrust people and will be easily disappointed by them. It will be easy for you during this time to form wrong ideas about other people or associates such as the HildaBeast whom, you know, craves your office. This will be a time in your life when relationships with others can be severely undermined and lead to great disappointment.

“Transiting Saturn is also 45º to your Node until November 2012. It shows you, President Obama, in a very difficult situation, where your ties with others are based on suffering, and mass bombings in Libya or other difficulties. People in close contact with you will be sick or in emotional crises because of you and your limp noodle decision-making abilities. If you do not show goodwill in this time, alienation from others can occur. As if there is any question at all about that one.

“So, until November 2012 both Saturn and Neptune are transiting through your Node. Hurts don’t it? The Saturn, Neptune and Node combined indicate that you, Barack Obama, will be in a state of depression in the presence of others, experience joint suffering (smoke em’ out back) and possible mourning and bereavement due to the people of the United States waking up to their awful state. This is an incredibly difficult astrological combination for an arrogant man like yourself who has no choice but to constantly meet many people, especially when many of the people you meet during this time will try to make huge, unreasonable demands upon you, such as real budget cuts. If you are not extremely diplomatic during these times, you could become involved in many disputes and require multiple vacations to unwind.

“President Obama, Uranus (yup, you heard me right) is transiting Venus at 90º until November, 2012. There may be a “forced” (180º) change (Uranus) in your family, as Michelle O’Venus rules your 4th house of home and family. Uranus- Venus combinations can mean an intense sexual relationship, but in your case, I seriously doubt it. Your horoscope has Sun 90º Neptune, indicating the potential for chaotic conditions and entanglement in scandals.” Whew, I was done. I had given more value to him then he had given the American people his entire two years in office. And to top it off, I didn’t charge nearly as much as he did!

Obama headed for the door yet again. Just before he left the telephone rang. I picked it up and yelled at Obama. “Hey, Obama! Your proctologist just called. They found your head!”

Hey, Hey, BHO. How Many Wars Do You Have To Go?

Hey, Hey, LBJ. How Many Kids Did You Kill Today? The liberal anti-war movement of the Vietnam era intoned this chant countless times. They used it in mass rallies. They used it any time President Lyndon B. Johnson got up the courage to show his face in public. They used it as a means to an end. They used it ad nauseum. And it worked. Now, 38 years since the last American troops left Vietnam, yet another Democratic president has launched a new war that threatens to bog the U.S. military down for the long-term. President Harry S. Truman started the semantics game during the Korean War by refusing to call it a war. He called it a Police Action. President Barack Obama has borrowed a page from the Truman playbook and is calling his Libyan adventure a Kinetic Military Action (KMA) – whatever the Hell that is supposed to be. Obama gains a couple of talking points with the KMA semantics game. He can claim that he didn’t need the approval of Congress prior to commencing military operations in Libya because it isn’t a war. It’s just a KMA. And he also gains supposed credibility as a tough talker/tough walker with his ass-kicking routine at the expense of a tinhorn Arab dictator. What could go wrong? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

Just a few short years after Nancy Pelosi proclaimed dissent to be the ultimate act of patriotism, the peacenik, anti-war; Nancy Sheehans of the country are nowhere to be seen. The total absence of leftist protesters in the face of this ill-advised Libyan misadventure exposes the hypocrisy of the left. The left never was against war – the left just used anti-war protests as a way to leverage them into power. Let’s not kid ourselves here. It was a Democratic president that appeared before Congress after the attack on Pearl Harbor and declared war on Japan. It was a Democratic president that owned the Police Action in Korea. It was a Democratic president that first sent advisors to Vietnam. It was a Democratic president that escalated the Vietnam conflict to the point that we had half a million troops in the jungle nightmare of a war. It was a Democratic president named Bill Clinton that dodged the draft in 1969 but had no problem sending U.S. troops into harm’s way 30 years later in Yugoslavia. And it is a Nobel Peace Prize-winning Democratic President that has interjected himself into Libya – a nation in which the United States has no vital national security interest. Given that track record, who are the Democrats to complain about George W. Bush?

Obama is also taking yet another ill-advised course by placing U.S. troops under NATO command – a move which is schedule to take place tomorrow evening. Can you say UNITED WORLD ORDER? American fighting forces will now conduct military operations under the orders of foreign leaders. Obama has been frantically backpedaling from taking responsibility for his involvement in Libya. He prefers that the New World Order command our troops. He prefers that European leftists and Arab League tyrants take command of our soldiers, sailors, airmen, and marines. It gives him cover for whatever might go wrong. And what could possibly go wrong? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

Obama’s failure to convince the nation that he had just cause to promulgate the Kinetic Military Action, or war for lack of a better term, in Libya demonstrates once again the hypocrisy of the left. Obama ignores the threat to our nation on our southern border. He ignores the threat to international shipping by pirates off the coast of Somalia in the Indian Ocean. He ignores the righteous cause of the Sunni protesters in Syria. He ignores the growing insurrection in Yemen. He ignores the protesters in Saudi Arabia. He ignores the near certainly of the Muslim Brotherhood gaining complete control in Egypt. He ignores the missile offensive by Hamas against Israeli cities. He ignores the bomb blast in central Jerusalem that has been determined to have been the work of professional terrorists. Instead, Obama chooses to engage as a full participant in the Western campaign against Muammar Qaddafi. Obama is teaching the world a lesson in how liberals conduct war. Obama tells us that the United States will work with its allies to hasten the day when Libyan leader Muammar Qaddafi leaves power, but will not use force to topple him. It makes you almost think that Obama is nothing more than Neville Chamberlain in drag. Obama sounds tough. He drops a few bombs. He risks the lives of precious American servicemen and women. But he doesn’t follow through. He has problems defining the mission. He has problems following the mandates of The United States Constitution regarding his duties in regard to obtaining Congressional approval – not very impressive for a man who considers himself a Constitutional scholar. He abdicates command for American troops to NATO, the European Union, and the Arab League. He claims U.S. involvement in Libya is for humanitarian purposes but instead of protecting the Libyan citizenry he allows scope creep to occur and is now demanding regime change.

In Vietnam Redux, Obama is repeating the mistakes of that benighted conflict. A rank amateur in all things military, Obama is now micromanaging three wars simultaneously. Obama ran his campaign on an anti-war platform. But he is governing like a warmonger run amok. He escalated the war in Afghanistan – and lowered the boom on the brilliant General Stanley McChrystal in the process. His waffling on troop levels and his insistence on following a strategy that can’t win is eerily reminiscent of Vietnam – where political meddling resulted in orders that prevented American troops from achieving victory. Now Obama is doing the same thing in Libya. He seems to think you can have a pretend war where nobody gets hurt. He orders the military into action but forbids ground troops – which are a prerequisite for victory. In fact victory appears to be a naughty word as far as Obama is concerned. If we aren’t in it to win it what are we in it for? By no means am I suggesting that the U.S. should be involved in the Libyan “Kinetic Military Action.” But if we are going to be involved shouldn’t we have the aim to achieve victory? And given Obama’s vacillating attitude on the scope of the mission just what would constitute a victory? – Or at least an exit strategy. Or for that matter, what was our entry strategy? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

But no matter what happens in Libya now, Obama owns the mess. General Colin Powell is famous for his statement that if “you break it, you own it.” Obama owns the mess in Libya. He started it. He broke it. It is all his. He can’t blame Bush. He can’t blame Palin. He can’t even blame Bill Clinton. This one is his. To date, Obama still hasn’t loosened up on oil drilling bans in the Gulf of Mexico and in Alaska. He just doesn’t seem to have grasped the concept that with the Middle East engulfed in flames that perhaps the wise thing to do would be to ensure a reliable source of energy for the United States. Or perhaps he simply doesn’t care. Obama’s Attorney General, Eric Holder, has so weakened anti-terrorism initiatives that Obama is going to completely own any future terrorist attacks on American soil. And if the U.S. economy craters it is fully on Obama’s shoulders where the blame will rightly fall. Obama is pursuing economic policies that handcuff the nation’s economy, put workers on the welfare rolls, and slowly squeeze the life out of countless private businesses.

Obama is a disaster for America. It is unthinkable that he isn’t aware what he is doing to America. Oh, he’s aware all right. The problem is that he approves of it. He is nothing more than a communist ideologue that is bent on the destruction of the greatest nation in the history of mankind. He desires for America to become a communist dictatorship in which every imaginable aspect of our lives is controlled by puppet masters. He has a vision of a communist Utopia and he is determined to bring it to pass regardless of the damage he does in the process. Obama’s wars are just one more lever he pulls in order to drain the vitality and strength from America. He is intent on bringing down the American dream and replacing it with his communist utopia.

Isn’t there someone in America who is willing to stand up to this dictator wannabe? Aren’t their patriots in Congress willing to commence impeachment proceedings against America’s first anti-American President? Won’t Congress hold Obama accountable for his flagrant disregard of the Constitution of the United States? Won’t the Supreme Court of the United States step up and declare Obama’s actions to be unconstitutional. Aren’t there brave men and women left in the country who will rise up and defend freedom against this tin-horn tyrant?

Yes, there are patriots who will fight Obama. It doesn’t appear that there are enough of them in positions of power to rid the country of Obama at this moment. But we still have the power of the ballot box. November of 2012 is coming and Obama knows it. The only question is who will be left standing at that time, Obama or us? Let us pray is it us.

Obama, You Got Jimmered!

At the high end we have BYU’s Jimmer Fredette, a 2011 Naismith Award Finalist vs. Kenny Boynton, the Florida Gators’ defensive specialist extraordinaire.

Jimmer Fredette

That contest of NCAA basketball titans will be decided on Thursday in a Southeast Regional semifinal game. Meanwhile, we have at the low end one Barack Hussein Obama, whose love of the game is unquestioned – as is his lack of talent, vs. Rey Decerega, Director of Programs for the Congressional Hispanic Caucus Institute. The Obama/Decerega matchup has already been decisively determined. Decerega got all the bragging rights. Obama got 12 stitches in his lip from a wicked elbow tossed his way compliments of Decerega. The only other time Obama’s lip has found itself on the wrong end of an upfront and personal confrontation was the time it lost a round to a fly – see the accompanying photo for clarification.

“I learned today the president is both a tough competitor and a good sport. I enjoyed playing basketball with him this morning. I’m sure he’ll be back out on the court again soon,” Decerega said at the time of Obama’s on-court humiliation, sounding just like the public relations flack that he is. The understand­ing is that Obama had the ball, refused to go either left or right, decided to go “up the middle” – AND GOT CLOBBERED! Is there a lesson here? It couldn’t have been a whole lot funnier had it happened in a Leslie Nielsen movie.

While revealing his NCAA Tournament Brackets, Obama said of Fredette: “Unbelievable. Best scorer obviously in the country. Great talent.” We’ve gotta go with Obama’s opinion on this one considering the fact that he comes from the exact opposite end of the athletic spectrum. Perhaps he should send Fredette and Boynton out on a deep fly pattern. Oops, wrong sport! Anyway, back to the basketball/politics comparisons…

Boynton missed practice on Monday due to a slightly sprained ankle. Obama missed a war due to a career gone South – all the way to Rio. Fredette has been on the winning side of a game 32 times so far this year. Obama has yet to win anything – he’s a natural born loser. Boynton was named to the prestigious John R. Wooden Preseason Watch List in October, 2010 in recognition of being one of the NCAA’s premier student/scholars. Meanwhile in Kenya, the search for their lost idiot continues, “hope” is low. . .

Fredette has positioned himself to make millions as a NBA lottery pick. Obama just met with George Soros but to what end? $everal of u$ can gue$$ at $ome po$$ible rea$on$. Fredette used to play basketball in a prison against a team of inmates. Obama belongs in a prison where he can play basketball against a team of guards. Boynton was a McDonald’s All-American. It is widely suspected that Obama is anything “but” an American. Libya has a No Fly Zone. Fredette and Boynton have their meals prepared in a No Fly Zone.

Fredette and Boynton both made the Sweet 16. Obama is allegedly lucky Larry Sinclair was over 16 –Repeat, allegedly, for legal disclaimer purposes. Both Fredette and Boynton play like beasts. Obama knows that the Muslim Brotherhood is a euphemism for Animal Husbandry…Daaaaaaaaaadddddddy… Fredette and Boynton are both stand up guys. Obama, on the other hand, is a perfect example of Electile Dysfunction. Fredette and Boynton are going to New Orleans to weigh their excellence in the balance. Obama went to Brazil to balance the earth and keep Guam from tipping over.

Both Fredette and Boynton have submitted their personal records to the NCAA.

Kenny Boynton

Meanwhile, maybe the birth certificate is somewhere in Rio? Fredette looks like a baby-faced assassin. For the moment, the public can’t decide if Obama looks more like Barney Fife or Howdy Doody! Fredette and Boynton will both get off an airplane this week in New Orleans. Did you hear what Obama said when he got off the plane? He yelled “PRESENT!” Boynton steals the ball so many times you’ve got to wonder if it’s legal. Conversely, the fact that Valerie Jarrett decided last week that bombing Libya will improve Soetoro’s poll numbers doesn’t magically make it legal.

Fredette and Boynton are touring the country in style, making beautiful music on the court. Obama “Begins Latin America tour”??? I didn’t even realize he had released an album! What was it called? The Great Depression Redux? Fredette and Boynton watch their diets carefully. Meanwhile, in your guts, you know Obama’s nuts! Fredette and Boynton will face off in person in hoops war on Thursday. Did anyone else find it strange and disturbing to hear the president declare war from Brazil by radio? Yep, Obama literally phoned it in.

Fredette and Boynton are in perfect health. If Barack Obama could eat his own words he’d choke non-stop. The NBA is about to draft Fredette. Will the MSM start the “Dump Barry, draft Hildabeast” movement? We shall see soon enough. Fredette and Boynton play it one game at a time. Obama? –  Nothing like starting a third front and then going on vacation. Our two basketball superstars participated in pre-game planning with their teammates last weekend. Barry had a busy weekend, too; partying in Rio and all, though, he just didn’t have time to consult Congress. Boynton and Fredette are patriots. Obama? Save the Libyan Rebels! Save the Libyan Rebels! Save the Libyan Rebels! It’s like 1776 all over again!!! Isn’t it?

Both Fredette and Boynton support athletics. This naturally begs the question “Is Obama an athletic supporter?” Fredette/Boynton is the complete package. Meanwhile, Libya is part of the Obama stimulus package. It still has that “new war smell!” It’s crazy, Gadhafi bombs his own people, now Obama bombs his own people. The title of last weekend’s news stories should have read, “Nobel Peace Prize winner orders a missile strike against Libya.” – Or would that be too blatantly Orwellian? And Broke Insane Odumba had the nerve to criticize Bush?

Fredette and Boynton are multi-year stars. Barry “Skidmark” Soetero is a one-term president. Finally, Fredette and Boynton put a round ball in a round hoop. Obama has yet to learn that he can’t cram the ‘square’ office of President into the ’round’ hole of his ideology. If there is a lesson to be learned from this study in contrasts it is that the loser Obama has engulfed us in an international policy nightmare in Libya. Fredette and Boynton would never play a game that stupidly. Where is Erwin Rommel when you need him?

The Desert Fox - Erwin Rommel

Harry Reid: The Life of Pinky

I kid you not; Harry Reid’s childhood nickname was Pinky. Amazingly, truth is stranger than fiction – his kiddy friends were only off by one letter. Nowadays we simply call him Pinko.

Changing the subject just a wee bit (sorry Barney Frank, don’t take that little wee personally) let’s examine the important events in history which occurred on December 2nd. Let’s see, in 1804 Napoleon Bonaparte (once again my apologies to Mr. Frank) was crowned emperor of France in Paris by Pope Pius VII. We all know how that turned out! And then in 1959 abolitionist John Brown was hanged for his raid on Harper’s Ferry.

Harry Reid calling upon Barack Obama

(Gee, Mr. Frank, I simply have no idea what’s gotten in to me!) That was quickly followed in 1942 when the first controlled nuclear chain reaction was demonstrated at the University of Chicago. Isn’t it amazing what reactions you can get from chains? (Yeah yeah, I’m sorry about that, Barney.) Then in 1954 the U.S. Senate voted to condemn Republican senator Joseph R. McCarthy of Wisconsin for “conduct that tends to bring the Senate into dishonor and disrepute”…as if that had never happened before – or after, for that matter. Continuing on, in 1970 the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) was established and all the little commies went ice skating. In 1982 Barney B. Clark became the first person to receive an artificial heart in a transplant operation. I heard a rumor that they took it from Henry Waxman. Of course, given the source of the organ, Mr. Clark didn’t last very long. However, having long rid himself of his offensive feelings of compassion and love, Mr. Waxman is still with us. In 1988 Benazir Bhutto was sworn in as the Prime Minister of Pakistan, becoming the first woman to head a Muslim nation. I really have to take exception to that claim. I thought the Underwear Bomber was the first women to…uh, never mind, strike that. Not going there. Oh yeah, and in 2001 Enron Corp, under the inspired guidance of Kenneth Lay, filed for bankruptcy. Bet you can’t eat just one corporation, Lay! Oops, I inadvertently skipped over 1939. That was probably the most disastrous December 2nd of all time. You see, December 2, 1939 was the day and year Harry Reid was hatched.

Before we proceed any further along this Harry Reid train of thought perhaps we ought to properly define the term. We turn, of course, to that paragon of wisdom, the Urban Dictionary. I quote…

cranial rectitis

Noun

  1. A condition noted by behaving in such a puerile, obnoxious, and moronic manner as to have one’s head up his or her ass. Note that things are dark and smelly for someone with this condition.
  2. When someone is severely afflicted to the point that his or her shoulders are two-blocked against the buttocks, this is known as “perpendicular cranial rectitis.”

Why do all those Hollywood idiots have such cranial rectitis?
Boy, Harry Reid debates with all the intellectual acumen of SpongeBob SquarePants. How did he contract perpendicular cranial rectitis?

santorum

  1. An outspoken Senator who tells it like it is and doesn’t BS in order to buy votes. Recognizes that an open border is a recipe for disaster, and is one of the few in Washington who has the guts to forego the Hispanic vote in favor of doing the right thing and protecting the security and the economy of the United States.
  2. Santorum is several intelligence levels above clowns like Pelosi and Harry Reid, both of whom would allow half of Mexico into the US if it would hurt George Bush.

Reiding

  1. Using the Congress of the United States to silence free speech of private citizens. Fairness doctrine.

The reiding of Rush Limbaugh, violates the first amendment.
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) sent a letter to the chief executive of Clear Channel Communications, Mark Mays, calling on him to reid Rush Limbaugh’s remarks regarding phony soldiers.

Uber-Fool!

Noun

  1. A democrat and/or anyone who votes for a democrat.
  2. A person who refuses to see/accept the truth.
  3. A liberal.
  4. A person motivated by hatred, elitism, and ignorance. (see definition numbers 1, 2, and 3.)
  5. Anyone who is stupid enough to think that Bill Clinton was a good President.
  6. Any of the Hollywood elite who believe that being an actor/actress makes them an authority on any subject.6. a person who believes in Global Warming.

Ted Kennedy . . . what an Uber-Fool!
Bill Clinton . . . what an Uber-Fool!
Harry Reid . . . what an Uber-Fool!
Anyone who voted for Al Gore . . . what Uber-Fools!
Anyone who voted for John “the liar” Kerry . . . what Uber-Fools!
Tom Cruise . . . what an Uber-Fool!

synonyms include: Lucifer, democrat, liberal, anti-war protester, etc.

Wiper

  1. PG rated word for person who is a buttwipe.

Harry Reid’s public crap for brains lies make him a real wiper.

 

Oh, and in case you have sensitive eyes, please be aware that I cleaned it up a bit. Too much Harry Reid isn’t good for anyone. Therefore, I’ve limited the number of examples to five – one for each of Harry’s faces:

  • Ever wonder why Henry Waxman doesn’t fall off into the ocean? Because Harry Reid sucks!
  • Senator Majority Leader Harry Reid was asked if he felt there was an urgency to pass the Senate’s proposed health care reform bill.  To which Reid replied, “Like my friend Ted Kennedy would have said, we’ll drive off that bridge when we come to it.”
  • Now, to be fair, Reid is sometimes on the receiving end of things, which is appropriate for someone of his giving nature. In fact, Reid famously split from Obama on his opposition to building a mosque near Ground Zero in New York City. Obama responded by issuing a Fatwa against him.
  • Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid has accused Republicans of being too cozy with Wall Street saying they are “making love to Wall Street.” At least Wall Street calls you the next day.
  • According to a survey seven out of 10 Americans think the country is going in the wrong direction, who are the other three? Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, and Harry Reid!

By now you’re probably catching on to the fact that Harry Reid is nothing but a bad joke. Actually, that is close to the truth but misses the mark a bit. You see, Harry Reid isn’t a bad joke. He’s just the punch line. As in: He ain’t heavy. He’s my Hairy Reed.

Time to Kick some Liberal Ash

Indonesia isn’t the only place on earth with an active volcano. There’s another one set to explode on November 2, 2010. Geologists tell us that Democrats are already spewing flames; getting all worked up to pop their tops come Tuesday. But conservatives have the perfect response to the coming meltdown. Word on the street has it that the Tea Party is truly going to kick some serious ash!

Kicking AshThis conservative pyroclastic flow has been pent up for nearly two years. The pressure has been steadily increasing and the flow has become impossible to contain. The neat thing about a pyroclastic flow is that the turbulent mixture of Republicans, Independents, Libertarians, reborn conservatives, constitutional enthusiasm, and unsorted patriotic emotions can move at high speed. This means that in a single day the volcanic patriotic votes will move East to West: obliterating socialism from Pennsylvania to Ohio, from Utah to Nevada, and from Kentucky, to Florida – where Charlie Crist will be burned to a crisp by a harmonic tremor; a continuous release of conservative seismic energy emitted by the underground Tea Party movement of political magma. Now dude! That is going to be one sweet blast!

Pollsters in Massachusetts report that Barney Frank’s campaign headquarters has been identified as a central point in a New England Ring of Fire. Normally associated (pun intended – think about it) with Frank’s hemorrhoids, the ring of fire will be quenched by a plug – solidified Republican lava that is predicted to fill the conduit to Frank’s volcano. The Sean Bielat plug, as it has become known in geologic circles, first manifested itself when it plugged up Martha Coakley’s quest to fill Ted Kennedy’s seat (another intended pun) with a hard core Scott Brown. Now the plug, usually more resistant to electoral erosion than the sputtering froth spewing from Frank’s bombastic cone – will hopefully be left standing – a solitary pinnacle to conservatism in Frank’s Congressional District when the rest of Frank’s hedonistic rhetoric has eroded away.

In a first for Wisconsin, the pyroclastic flow is expected to cut more than just cheese in the upper Midwest. Russ Feingold, the liberal incumbent Senator from Wisconsin, is scheduled to be squeezed by a heterolithologic mix of different voter types. Instead of being voted out by disgruntled conservatives, Feingold will fall Tuesday to a coalition of disgruntled Democrats, infuriated Tea Partiers, angry independents, and the occasional soccer mom. After the pyroclastic flow hits Milwaukee, the only course left for Feingold will be to ride out of town on a blazing hot Harley Davidson, with a backpack of old limburger leaving no doubt that Feingold took one too many left turns.

For sheer pleasure, the pyroclastic flow will cover San Francisco, where Nancy Pelosi is steadfastly refusing to admit that her ash is getting kicked.  What’s more, when she returns to the halls of Congress for the Lame Duck session, it is widely anticipated that her ash is going to get kicked again and again. First, she will lose her position as Speaker of the House – a position she has used and abused. Second, Democrats are in revolt over their losses and will likely kick Pelosi’s ash themselves, perhaps even denying her the position of Minority Leader. Geologists predict that Pelosi’s face is going to crack under the pressure, creating a pit crater formed by the Botox sinking deep into her skin – which will prevent her from venting any more of her eruptions. Pelosi will find herself square in the middle of a rift zone, which is a zone of liberal volcanic features associated with underlying dykes…uh, strike that…meant underlying dikes. Impartial observers will be able to detect Pelosi’s location in the political mess by marking her cracks, faults, and vents. Considering the plethora of such things on her face, it is anticipated that NASA will forego the cost of putting more satellites in geosynchronous orbit and instead triangulate Pelosi’s face to create the first liberal GPS system.

And let us not forget Searchlight, Nevada. It seems the entire pyroclastic flow is aimed right at Harry’s Reed! It will be so hot that the Reed is going to go limp. Harry will run but there will be no place to hide. It has been eons since Searchlight has been flooded, but all things come to those who wait. Searchlight is going to be drenched by a Teanami. Can you say “two of every kind?”

Meanwhile, back at the White House, or perhaps even in India, a splatter cone will erupt. The socialist splatter cone will be identified by a low, steep-sided cone of splatter denial built up on a fissure or vent of unrestrained paranoia and narcissism. Noises usually associated with splatter cones include “What, Me Worry?” and “They are going to have to negotiate with me cuz’ I’m still the president!” The White House Press Corp(se)men will rush to explain away the splatter cone to a gullible public. The Lame Stream Media will rationalize the presence of the splatter cone with excuses such as “the minions are angry, uneducated morons who don’t appreciate the brilliance of Dear Leader,” and “Let them eat cake!” However, the public is gullible no more and a subduction zone is predicted to occur with the socialist tectonic plate being overridden by the Tea Party tectonic plate, which is an irresistible force slamming into an entirely movable object.  Despite the massive collision of tectonic plates creating the subduction zone; the tilt of the Obama Administration is going to tilt even more to the left. This tilt will remain firmly in place until 2012 when, geologists say, it will be utterly and completely destroyed by a Tuff ring – a wide-eyed, low-rimmed, well-embedded accumulation of conservative anger built around a volcanic vent located at the U.S. Capitol and aimed directly at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Scientists claim that the Tuff ring will emit such an eruption that those who flee to Chicago might as well continue on to Kenya, because the ejecta will make it unsafe for liberals most everywhere in North America. The commies and tree-huggers may well be forced underground with their little RINO friends, to spend the rest of their miserable lives wondering how they cratered in such a spectacular manner in such a short timeframe.

Two years of living through a communist nightmare has turned the American public into this irresistible force. As disasters go, the Obama regime has been a classic. But out of desperation and necessity the American people are rising up. Election Day is Tuesday. Redemption is here. There is nowhere for the socialists to hide. The Teanami has just reached shore. The waves are piling up so high that Donkeys no longer have time to learn how to swim.

America, this is your time. You are the ones you’ve been waiting for. Get down and dirty. Go kick some liberal ash!

The election is so close that even Barack can see it from his house. Coming at cha’, Barry. It is too late to hide, Barack.  You should have listed to Noah. Oh well, live and learn.

Ark, Ark!

The Wheels have come off of Axle’s Rod

David Axelrod

Can you imagine the agony it must be to be named David Axelrod? Being named after a shaft is bad enough – but try to envision his complete frustration at his own friggin’ incompetence. After all, it is his job to shape our opinions, mold our perceptions, and frame our dialogue concerning his lord and master Barack Obama. Truth be told, Axelrod’s job description is nothing short of manipulating our minds – brainwashing, as it were. And at that task Axelrod has been a miserable failure.

No wonder word on the street is that Axelrod’s influence within Obama’s inner circle is on the wane. It seems he is being held accountable for his failures. We are currently being spun a story that Axelrod will be leaving the White House staff sometime around March of 2011 so that he can move back to Chicagoland and work on Obama’s re-election campaign. And this is really kind of funny when you think about it because Obama is publicly trying to keep us guessing as to whether or not he is going to run for another term. Which brings up another point – considering Axelrod’s abysmal performance this year leading up to the midterm elections, if you were Obama would you want Axelrod performing the same quality of work on your presidential campaign for the 2012 elections? Of course not! Axelrod has got to be just a tad bit paranoid every time the phone rings and caller ID reads “Captain Kickass.”

Axelrod is presiding over the Democrat’s propaganda machine leading up to the midterm elections of 2010. Nice work for a guy with a mustache and a big mouth. The only problem is that he is better at electing Republicans than he is at electing Democrats. Everything Axelrod has tried this year has failed to stick. The lie machine must be broken, or at least the credibility circuit must be on the fritz. Let’s consider the memes the Democrats have used leading up to the elections this year:

  • Tea Party candidates are insane
  • Tea Party candidates are extremists
  • Tea Party candidates are racists
  • It is all George W. Bush’s fault
  • The U.S. Chamber of Commerce is using foreign money to finance campaign ads for the Tea Party
  • The American voters are afraid and thusly can’t think straight
  • Obama makes Einstein look like a brainless dweeb
  • We will fall in love with ObamaCare just as soon as we understand it
  • The recession is over
  • Obama has created millions of new jobs
  • Prosecuting terrorists in America rather than in military tribunals is a wonderful thing
  • The future of America is at stake so don’t vote for Tea Party Candidates
  • The Supreme Court acted stupidly
  • Obama is for gays in the military although he has instructed the Justice Department to appeal a federal judge’s order to dismantle DADT
  • Obama is not a socialist

The list of Axelrod’s failures goes on and on and on and on. But nothing Axelrod has tried has stemmed the rising conservative tide that will flood over Washington D.C. on November 2, 2010. Axelrod is like that little Dutch boy with his finger in the dyke (yes that is spelled correctly). Nothing Axelrod has tried has had even the slightest dampening effect on the enthusiasm of the growing coalition of anti-Obama forces. If you have any pity at all for Axelrod please send a couple of boxes of Depends to him at the White House. He is crapping his pants now. This isn’t how it was supposed to turn out.

Axelrod’s former boss, Dick Morris, who hired Axelrod to assist him in the White House during the Clinton years, is now openly contemptuous of his former protégé. Click below to hear Morris ream Axelrod a new one over ObamaCare.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atNgmSe9V5o

The American people have Axelrod’s number. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it must be David Axelrod. Axelrod and company managed to pull a fast one over the voter’s eyes during the 2008 presidential election. But, having seen Obama’s consistently bad policy moves over the past two years, the American people have had enough of the lunacy. “Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me,” is what the voters are now saying in response to Axelrod’s propaganda. They’re not falling for it again. The bloom is off Obama’s rose and now Axelrod is merely a thorn in the president’s side. His constant attempts to pull yet another fast one on America have had the reverse of the intended effect that Axelrod intended. Now, every time that Axelrod floats another piece of propaganda to see if it will stick, the voters are tossing it right back at him:

Here are some recent comments about Axelrod from bloggers across the fruited plain:

  • Axelrod marketed Barack Obama as a “transformational” leader who would “change the culture” of Washington and bring America into a blissful “post-racial” era because it was “time” for a black president, with the clear message for whites being that if you won’t vote for Obama, then it must be because you’re a racist.
  • David Axelrod and Rahm Emanuel and other senior staff members are leaving the administration after the gathering electoral storm strikes the Democrats on 2 November.
  • Axelrod? Is the guy with the Hitler mustache? Yeah, he’s got credibility.
  • He’s an idiot…
  • Maybe yes, maybe no, but he sure as he11 is a commie!
  • Not only is he a snob, he’s an asshole too.
  • Somebody get Axelrod help…
  • The Axe is a filthy guy. He built his Chicago business on spinning lies about important subjects to reflect the libtard (anti-American) point of view. How would he know what the truth is about anything?
  • Errrmmmm…does anybody not set the obvious reply to Axelrod? Obama isn’t a snob??  Hey Dave, DO YOU HAVE ANY PROOF THAT HE ISN’T???
    Axelrod is right, President Obama isn’t a snob. Snobs are people who only think they are better than us. According to Axelrod, President Obama is clearly better than all of us.

The wheels have come off of Axle’s rod. The bus is tilting. It appears that Axelrod will soon be joining the wave of Obama minions who are scattering to the seven winds. Once the genie got out of the bottle there has been nothing Axelrod could do to get it back in there.

He’s history. It does not matter if he retains his job or not. It is over. His ability to fool America has passed. He can’t get the job done. He’s history.