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Conservative Daily News - The best news, analysis and opinion articles written by a collection of citizen journalists. Covering a range of important topics in blogs, op-ed, and news posts, these upstanding patriots are bringing back American exceptionalism with every entry..

Author Archive for Polar Coug (twitter @PolarCoug)

The No-Cajone Pony is Acting Stupidly

I’d give my left flipper to be the teleprompter operator on September 8th, in the year of our Pronoun-in-Chief, the Unicorn King, Precedent Uhhhhbama (Peace be upon him), OediPOTUS Wrecks, Obama-Lama-Ding-Dong, OOO (Occupant of the Oval Office; a.k.a. “Triple O”), His “O”ily-ness, the Hopiate of the Masses, Barackus Hubris Maximus, and His Travesty. Imagine His […]

Obama put the BS in joBS

Okay, so you’ve all heard Irene is heading straight at Mister O’Wonderful’s vacation hideout on Martha’s Vineyard. Now, assuming he doesn’t cut-n-run (doubtful) we will see the spectacle of Irene transforming Mister O’Wonderful into Ilean out on the fifth hole. This tasty sight would dispel the notion that Mister O’Wonderful is a centrist. It would […]

Weiner is his own Wurst Enemy

Okay, so Obama just lost his Weiner. Big deal. It’s not like it was an isolated incident. In fact, several years ago the Rev. (and I use that term loosely) Jessie Jackson said “I want to cut his nuts off.” Beans and Wienies—some foods just naturally go together. I mean, in a perfect world you […]

A Weiner By Any Other Name Would Be As Flaccid

A day after telling reporters that he’s “not going to talk about this anymore,” Congressman Anthony Weiner (D-N.Y.) broke his silence Wednesday about the controversy surrounding a lewd photo sent from his Twitter account. “This was a circumstance where someone committed a prank on the internet,” he told MSNBC’s Luke Russert. “I didn’t send [that] […]

Michelle’s Hair is all the Bush’s Fault

Just when we thought we had seen it all on this gaffetastic European vacation we discover massive quantities of flora sprouting out of Michelle Obama’s head. The Conservative Daily News doesn’t have legal rights to publish that totally awesome photograph so I can’t show it to you directly, but hey, just lick the clink…uh, click […]

The ObaMartini: Made from Absolut Zero

Barack Obama is coming to Ground Zero – which is appropriate given his well-earned moniker – Zero. It isn’t by accident that the ObaMartini is made from Absolut Zero. And it wasn’t by accident that the president who preceded him turned down his invitation to attend the ceremony. After Obama’s anti-trump tirade at the White […]

A Plan Was Hatched – Obama Was Not

Obama didn’t release his birth certificate to shut down the birthers – he did it to label the entirety of the right as “carnival barkers.” On April 27th, Obama finally put the birth certificate thing to rest for the majority of Americans .. we think. The conspiracy theorists are already using Adobe’s natural behavior to […]

When Obama lifts his Nose High, Does Pez come out of His Neck?

Ladies and Gentlemen, we at the Conservative Daily News have uncovered an old transcription of Barack Obama getting psychoanalysis from Dr. Sigmund Freud. This medical records transcription lays bare Obama’s psyche for the world to see and, quite by accident, gives us an understanding into why his birth certificate remains hidden—just think how old this […]

Obama is not the Hawaiian Droid we are looking for: Move Along

Barack Hussein Obama claims to have been born in Hawaii on August 4th, 1961 at the Kapi’olani Maternity & Gynecological Hospital in Honolulu (now known as the Kapi’olani Medical Center for Women and Children). Donald Trump made news this week by publicly disputing Obama’s claim to have been born in the United States, telling Meredith […]

Obama Diagnosed with Serious Case of Electile Dysfunction

So one evening I was at work polishing my crystal balls when what do you know, Barack Hussein Obama enters my office, seeking a palm reading and his horoscope. Glug, now this is gonna hurt! But an astrologer has gotta do what an astrologer has gotta do. Now I’m gonna have to go do the […]

Hey, Hey, BHO. How Many Wars Do You Have To Go?

Hey, Hey, LBJ. How Many Kids Did You Kill Today? The liberal anti-war movement of the Vietnam era intoned this chant countless times. They used it in mass rallies. They used it any time President Lyndon B. Johnson got up the courage to show his face in public. They used it as a means to […]

Obama, You Got Jimmered!

At the high end we have BYU’s Jimmer Fredette, a 2011 Naismith Award Finalist vs. Kenny Boynton, the Florida Gators’ defensive specialist extraordinaire. That contest of NCAA basketball titans will be decided on Thursday in a Southeast Regional semifinal game. Meanwhile, we have at the low end one Barack Hussein Obama, whose love of the […]

Harry Reid: The Life of Pinky

I kid you not; Harry Reid’s childhood nickname was Pinky. Amazingly, truth is stranger than fiction – his kiddy friends were only off by one letter. Nowadays we simply call him Pinko. Changing the subject just a wee bit (sorry Barney Frank, don’t take that little wee personally) let’s examine the important events in history […]

Time to Kick some Liberal Ash

Indonesia isn’t the only place on earth with an active volcano. There’s another one set to explode on November 2, 2010. Geologists tell us that Democrats are already spewing flames; getting all worked up to pop their tops come Tuesday. But conservatives have the perfect response to the coming meltdown. Word on the street has […]

The Wheels have come off of Axle’s Rod

Can you imagine the agony it must be to be named David Axelrod? Being named after a shaft is bad enough – but try to envision his complete frustration at his own friggin’ incompetence. After all, it is his job to shape our opinions, mold our perceptions, and frame our dialogue concerning his lord and […]