Blaine Dabbley, Emerson College branch of the Private College Socialists of America, as recorded in the 31st Internationale’s weekly minutes.
While greedy corporatists count their record-breaking profits, we proletarian have been scheming in the shadows, trying to devise a way to exploit the oligarchs who rule this fascist hellhole.
And the answer is going to shock and surprise you: we are going to work for personal profit!
Sounds too crazy to work? Runs contrary to every Marxist principle that we hold dear? Wait, dear comrades, before you turn me in to the internal thought police.
As we sit in the drudgery of our parents’ basements, racking up tokens on World of Warcraft, the thought suddenly arises — what are we getting out of this tremendous expenditure of energy?
Hours of amusement in our whitey tighties, to be sure. But what about the big picture? When do we get ours?
The answer is stark and beautiful in its social justice: We exploit the rich.
How you say? Let me explain my scheme in full detail.
We are currently whiling away the hours wasting our effort on fruitless endeavors, such as slaying orcs in the mystical land of Azeroth. What if we took those hours of living in fantasy land, and employ our labor in reality?
This is the good part: We can take rich people’s money by offering them the hours we would otherwise spend pointlessly spending video games, and in the process, we learn a trade or a craft in real life!
Sure, we would start out like noobs. I mean, what should a Level 1 cashier with 5 dexterity make in dollar tokens, compared to a Level 3 Assistant Manager who can actually delete a can of corn from the receipt without starting the checkout line procedure over again?
(That reminds me, I need some choom and Spicy Doritos. I’ll have my mom pick some up nachos later and float me a twenty until my plot comes to fruition.)
Anyway, so I was saying, we would totally exploit these rich bastards by getting them to trade us cash for time we would otherwise spend doing nothing. Okay, not nothing. Conquering a Level 27 Wyvern together did have its merits.
But didn’t you guys see that the new Call of Duty is coming out? My mom says she’s not going to entertain my socialist ramblings anymore and that I’m going to have to pay for it myself. I know, I know. She’s totally on the rag.
That got me to thinking. Just six hours spent at the local Supermart bagging groceries instead of playing Wow would totally cover my Call of Duty price. And then I wouldn’t have to beg my mom to drop me a fifty. We’re having hard enough time making bills as it is – the capitalist system being so heartless and corrupt.
Think of it this way: We would be profiting with our labor, and taking money out of the pockets of fat cats to boot! Sweet revenge!
So who’s with me? Who is up for exploiting the rich? When do we begin this revolution of returning money back to its rightful owners?
World of Warcraft players of the world unite!