Cows Cause Global Warming, but Obama Has a Plan

We learn today of a new effort by the Obama administration to further curb global warming, or climate change, whatever they’re calling it now, by regulating cow flatulence.

Apparently cows have a greater carbon footprint than all the SUVs in Beverly Hills, and they’re flatulence is killing us. Don’t worry; Obama has a plan.

You can read about it here at the Daily Caller.

As we often joke, it’s nice to know the administration has time for such issues now that every other crisis has been solved, though we wonder what those in the Ukraine about to be crushed under the weight of the Soviet (um, I mean Russian) military machine might have to say, and we also wonder what the cancer patients left in the cold by Obamacare might add to the conversation.

One cannot help but think about what kind of plan Mr. Obama will implement to curb cow flatulence. (Feel free to include your own suggestions in the comments.)

Based on previous action, and following in the footsteps of the California legislature who imposed a similar plan, it’s not hard to figure out what the administration will try.

Mr. Obama will probably set up a cap-and-trade program for cows. They’ll be limited to so many farts a day until they have to trade with other cows who haven’t yet used up their farts. Cows will probably trade food for farts–in fact, that’s a good name for the bill, “Food for Farts”. In other words, one cow gives up some of his food to be allowed to fart more while the other cow, who farts less, can eat more. This sounds counter intuitive, but don’t worry, it’s the government, so it will make perfect sense.

Conservatives will argue that this will lead to some cows getting more food than others, and then we’ll have a “grass inequality” crisis to go along with the “income inequality” crisis which will require another government program and waste tax payer money. Better to just let the cows fart all they want.

The left will say these programs will create jobs and put people back to work, and accuse the Republicans of hating cows, because they’re part black (Republicans hate anything black), even though there will be no proof that Republicans have anything against cows.

We are glad in our hearts knowing the Mr. Obama is in charge, and we cannot wait to see how he saves us this time.

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  1. Well, Brian, you sure had fun with this one.
    Also found it ‘sorta’ informative. For sure, none of the major networks didn’t tell us ! I’d been under the impression that the wind from East was blowing the stench in from around the DC area. I wonder if this new study will affect the bovine study of a couple of years ago that limited the number of pigs a farmer could have??
    It’s reassuring to know ‘they’ are on top of important issues…now I can sleep at night…

  2. Well I thought it was funny tfat cows are half black cuz then you got the right man on the job ….the half black bastard muslim bho

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