50 Reasons Why It Rocks to Be a Progressive in 2013
The New Year has arrived, and along with it, an epiphany of sorts. After struggling for years to be an advocate of free enterprise and limited government, it’s finally time to concede to leftists. It would be so much easier that way — just become a lefty, and instantly have positive reinforcement all around you confirming your every thought!
Why not? It seems like a great time to be a radical leftist, looking down on conservatives and calling them names without any concern for the truth. The following is a list of 50 reasons why it surely rocks to be a progressive in 2013:
- You can force America’s children to pay for your future retirement and healthcare expenses, and still be considered compassionate.
- Whatever your heart desires, it’s a “right.”
- You can make other people pay for your stuff, and call them selfish and greedy if they refuse.
- Stealing is no longer crime, but an act of redistributive justice.
- All you have to do is agree with the mainstream media, and you’re automatically right.
- People who play pretend for a living think your demands are perfectly reasonable.
- Budgets are completely unnecessary, so throw away your calculators!
- Debt ceases to exist if you stop believing in it.
- Go through life assuming that the only thing a nation needs to be prosperous is a printing press and unlimited government authority.
- Supporting Democrat politicians is like voting for Christmas all year long!
- Anything different than the Constitutional government that led to our free society is exciting and “progressive.”
- If you come out in opposition to economic freedom, you are guaranteed at least one toast on the Manhattan-Washington cocktail circuit.
- If you somehow get into the magical circle of “government,” all that jibber-jabber about equality no longer applies.
- You can rail against the cruelty of competition, except when it comes to such things as academic tenure.
- Pick some members of a minority group. Now, feed those people’s sense of inferiority and victimization. Doesn’t that feel awesome?
- Knocking your competitors down to the lowest common denominator is an act of “fairness.”
- Taking money from wealth producers and using it to buy votes isn’t “corruption,” it’s a way of life.
- No matter what the problem is, we can always throw some money at it.
- Pretending like history doesn’t exist is thought of as scholarly and professorial.
- Reject the notion that there is so such thing as human nature. Why? Because anything is possible!
- You can feel more ‘tolerant’ than others because you don’t blame people, you blame inanimate objects like guns. And the NRA.
- Even in states and cities that have been run by Democrats for years, it’s always Republicans’ fault.
- If anyone disagrees with a black progressive for any reason whatsoever — racist!!
- Rail against warmongering Republicans, but not have to bother when a Democrat is in office.
- Evangelize against the worst sin in the world — discrimination. Condemn the individual’s right to be ignorant without any sense of irony.
- Multiculturalism means not having to actually know what’s going on around the world, while feeling sophisticated for acknowledging that diversity exists.
- Look down on nativist rubes, because patriotism is a kind of hate crime against other societies.
- If your opponent supports legal immigration, delight in calling him a closed-minded bigot. (Even when the nations the undocumented are coming from restrict immigration.)
- When your opponents refuse to pay for your birth control and abortions, cry they are carrying out a “war on women.”
- The most noble thing a person can do is depend on the government for her whole life, as demonstrated by that faceless woman “Julia” in that campaign cartoon.
- Promote policies based on your good intentions, and never have to worry about the consequences.
- Treat people like they’re numbers or abstractions, and get credit for caring about “humanity.”
- Make the top 10% of income earners pay 70% of all federal income taxes, and then complain whenever there is a budget shortfall that the rich aren’t paying “their fair share.”
- Whenever something happens that promotes the progressive agenda, bemoan the need for a “national conversation,” which will be 90% dictated by left-wing media.
- Complain about the hegemony of capitalist society, but disregard the fact that the schools, the universities, the media and the courts are controlled by leftists.
- Whatever left-wing radicals believe is “moderate,” and conservatives who believe in maintaining our relatively free society and prosperous economy are “extremists.”
- It doesn’t matter how good the standard of living is for those who are poor, we can always complain that there are people who have more than them. Hence, more power for us to engage in “economic justice.”
- We can call ourselves progressive by promoting primitive, back-to-nature environmentalist superstition, and no one will bat an eye.
- Our common cause of restoring herd mentality to human civilization is considered to be forward-looking.
- Revel in your tolerance of other people, except for those who have a different opinion than you.
- Don’t worry about making intellectual arguments to the masses, just buy them off with other people’s money.
- Listen to Green Day albums on your Ipod while drinking Starbucks coffee and seriously complain that corporations are oppressing you.
- If our side can’t convince enough Americans to agree with us, we can import millions of immigrants from other countries who have little understanding what our political system is all about.
- While we wring our hands about the lack of critical thinking in schools and universities, we can ensure that there is widespread uniformity of opinion in accordance with political correctness.
- Look down your nose at the U.S.’ Founding Fathers, and be confident that you are wiser than them because you live in the future. Thankfully, we don’t have to refute their arguments, just dismiss them as propertied white people who owned slaves (and therefore, we can claim all the measures they took to abolish slavery in the future as our idea).
- Hide the left’s history of racism, and then accuse your opponents of being racists. It’s fun!
- We can control two out of three branches of government after implementing almost every policy we want, and then still get away with blaming our opposition for the failure of the policies!
- Get 90% of your news from mainstream media, and accuse your opponents of living in a bubble.
- Pat yourself on the back for picking friends who all agree with you. Feel like a rebel for conforming to their non-conformity.
- If you believe that government is God, capitalists are devils, and it’s possible to create a heaven on earth, then welcome to the Church of Progressivism!
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I am a leftist and this list got me seriously hard
do you want to jerk with me
I knew the left was infatuated with failure, but not to this Harry Reid-like level…
Fabulous as always Kyle! A must read!
Number 50 nails the left well!
the church of suicidal
we’ll have a sermon and a wonderful recital
but before I go on, there’s something I must mention
its an important message and you all need to hear it!
its SENNNNND ME YOUR MONEY
I thought this would be a satire but I guess not…
#28 – Please don’t call illegal aliens “undocumented”. That’s a “pc”, liberal word that diguises the truth. Its sort of like saying a bank robber simply made an “unauthorized withdrawal”. Its weasel words.
Right on! I call them ‘CRIMMINAL TRESPASSERS” It is what it is.Time to replace ‘nice’ with enforcement.