Tag Archives: Massachusetts

Dzhokhar A. Tsarnaev – The Boston Marathon bombing suspect captured

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev

Breaking: 7:50pm EDT
According to live reporting on FoxNews:

At approximately 6:25pm local time, authorities cornered the Boston Marathon bombing suspect, at 67 Franklin Street in Watertown, MA. After police had swept a residence, including a boat and shed in the backyard, the owner noticed the shed door was open, and that there was blood and bloody clothing visible. Authorities arrived minutes after the resident called in, and there was a barrage of gunfire that drew more officers.
Dzhokhar Tsarnaev
Civilians fled the immediate area, and it was quickly reported that the suspect was down. A bomb-searching robot was sent to the scene, to verify that there are no bombs hidden on the property, in the boat, or in the shed. Reports on the Fox News channel have been supplemented by the local Fox affiliate, WFXT. They have reported that the “suspect is alive, surrounded, and still moving.” Eye witness estimates report that there were 20 to 30 shots fired. At the time of this writing, it is unknown if Dzhokhar A. Tsarnaev has any connection with the home or neighborhood where the suspect has been surrounded. Sources have not stated that the suspect has been apprehended. The suspect is alive, in the boat, and refusing to get out. Authorities are engaged in negotiations with him.

It has not been confirmed that the individual surrounded by police at this time is definitely Tsarnaev. He is being referred to as only “suspect number two.”

This is a developing story, and will be updated as more details are confirmed.

7:55pm EDT – Reports of multiple explosions on the scene. WFXT reporter on the scene is too far away to see anything in the dark, but there have been flashes visible in the direction of 67 Franklin Street. Last word was that 8 to 10 explosions were heard.

7:59pm EDT – From WFXT – Confirmed, the suspect is injured from last night’s fire fight, and the subsequent fleeing of the scene.

8:09pm EDT – Fox News Video

8:12pm EDT – WFXT News Video – Explosions heard in Watertown

Boston News, Weather, Sports | FOX 25 | MyFoxBoston

8:23pm EDT – WFXT News reporting new video footage of law enforcement personnel assisting families, carrying children away from the area surrounding the scene at 67 Franklin Street. Footage was filmed shortly before nightfall.

8:25pm EDT – Fox News reporting three people in custody for questioning in New Bedford, MA. These individuals are not being called suspects.

8:47pm EDT – Fox News reporting suspect is in custody.

8:56pm EDT – WFXT News reporting suspect is being taken away from the scene in an ambulance.

8:59pm EDT – Mayor Menino’s Response:

meninotweets

Linked photos:
Photo 1 – “We got him”
Photo 2 – I’m proud of you!
Photo 3 – Teamwork!

The “I’m proud of you” photo was apparently taken when Mayor Menino was broadcasting on the police radio to all personnel.

Scott Brown Needs You

Lest we forget, Scott Brown is still running against Elizabeth Warren – she-with-the-questionable-native-family-roots. Thanks to an agreement to exclude SuperPAC ads in this campaign, the wolves are being held salivating at the gates on this one. So what does this mean? Scott Brown needs you!

Of course, ABC decided to pontificate on the pros and cons of a SuperPAC-free campaign. Personally, I see it as an opportunity to place real issues center-stage. Special interest groups tend to focus on their own little corners of the political world, and spend their money accordingly. Brown can control the narrative of his campaign, and has a relatively free hand to prevent it from degenerating into a pissing contest centered on Warren’s collective nonsense.

There was much screaming from the left over the Citizens United ruling that allowed the rise of the SuperPAC in the first place. And even though it hasn’t been that long, the GOP seems to have become far too dependent on corporate participation in campaigns. The Brown campaign offers us the opportunity to show everyone once and for all that we can still win without the help of the big bucks and special interest advertising. This can be an ideological campaign, and it can win on the merit of what Brown wants to do for Massachusetts.

That is how you win a campaign on conservative values, pure and simple. But, in order to do this, he needs money to get that message to his constituents. No SuperPAC advertising means that everything is on the Brown campaign. And while out-of-state organizations may not participate in this campaign, out-of-state individuals may contribute (within the limits permitted, of course.) So….

Please Contribute to Scott Brown 2012

On a personal note, I used to write for a liberal editor from Massachusetts. We still keep in touch from time to time. Please, don’t give him the opportunity to pick on me about Scott Brown losing in November!! I really don’t like it when the few liberal friends I still have can do that sort of thing! Thanks!

Fauxcahontas And The Trail of Tears

DonkeyHotey (CC)

News Bulletin: If you have high cheekbones, you might be Native American.  Or at least, that’s what presumptive Democratic Senate nominee Elizabeth Warren stated to justify her unproven claims of Native American ancestry.  A puzzling revelation since she had detailed many aspects of her personal life on the campaign trail.  However, the Boston Herald reported that:

Warren’s statements come as genealogists at the New England Historic Genealogical Society were unable to back up earlier accounts that her great great great grandmother is Cherokee. While Warren’s great great great grandmother, named O.C. Sarah Smith, is listed on a electronic transcript of a 1894 marriage application as Cherokee, the genealogists are unable to find the actual record or a photograhic copy of it, Society spokesman Tom Champoux said. A copy of the marriage license itself has been located, but unlike the application, it does not list Smith’s ethnicity.

So her records indicating such ancestry is hearsay at best.   However, Warren stated that “being Native American has been part of my story I guess since the day I was born…these are my family stories, I have lived in a family that has talked about Native American and talked about tribes since I was a little girl.”   Well, Ms. Warren just because you share stories of Native American ancestry; doesn’t make you one. Just like how I’m not Italian for indulging in the various stories of my family’s roots around the dinner table.

Nevertheless, Warren enrolled as a minority at law school where she hoped to meet similar people other people with real tribal roots.  She blasted Scott Brown for suggesting she used her minority status to gain employment, but if her records are shoddy and she landed jobs based on her checking that box in the application form, it’s grossly naive to say it had no impact on her career choices.  As a “minority,” (although I like to refer myself as an American) I can safely say that presenting yourself as such does reap some benefits in your college and employment search.  However, I’m 100% Korean (I look the part) and I have the papers to prove it.  However, I’m confident that up to this point, I have received every opportunity based on my work ethic (a cornerstone in the Vespa family) and diligence in whatever task that was assigned to me.  I think Ms. Warren can make such a case.  However, why she decided to go on this faux Native American route displays a false narrative fraught with political opportunism.

However, instead of owning up to it, she doubled down on the false claim.  With Elizabeth Warren’s Native American roots exposed as lacking authenticity, a real coup de grace occurred when it was discovered that her ancestors actually rounded up Native Americans in their forced relocation known as the Trail of Tears.

O.C. Sarah Smith Crawford is that her husband, Ms. Warren’s great-great-great grandfather, was apparently a member of the Tennessee Militia who rounded up Cherokees from their family homes in the Southeastern United States and herded them into government-built stockades in what was then called Ross’s Landing (now Chattanooga), Tennessee—the point of origin for the horrific Trail of Tears, which began in January, 1837.

Jonathan Crawford, O.C. Sarah Smith Crawford’s husband and apparently Ms. Warren’s great-great-great grandfather, served in the East Tennessee Mounted Infantry Volunteer Militia commanded by Brigadier General R. G. Dunlap from late 1835 to late 1836. While under Dunlap’s command he was a member of Major William Lauderdale’s Battalion, and Captain Richard E. Waterhouse’s Company.

These were the troops responsible for removing Cherokee families from homes they had lived in for generations in the three states that the Cherokee Nations had considered their homelands for centuries: Georgia, North Carolina, and Tennessee.

Jonathan Crawford most likely did not join the regular Army troops who “escorted” these Cherokees along the Trail of Tears. He did, however, serve once more with Major William Lauderdale’s re-formed Batallion of Tennessee Mounted Infantry Volunteer Militia. This group fought the Seminole Indians in Florida during the Second Seminole War.

I wonder how the mainstream media will spin this one?

Read More At Breitbart.com

 

Only In mASSachusetts

The Nanny State out does it self once more… Soon it will be illegal to sell cup cakes on school grounds in the Commonwealth of mASSachusetts.

  • Keep in mind, this is the same “state” that has said our Commonwealth’s Constitution did not specifically say that Marriage was between a man and a woman, therefore “civil marriage is an evolving paradigm”, so it’s OK for two Dudes to be married.
  • It’s also OK to have less than an ounce of Pot (for personal use) and if you do get busted, you’ll get a ticket.
  • And our AG (Martha Coakley) said “Technically it’s not illegal to be illegal in Massachusetts,”

But Heaven forbid you try to sell a Cup Cake, Brownie or other “Competitive Food” to the little darlings in public schools at a fundraiser or Bake Sale. You’ll be screaming “Don’t Tase Me Bro” faster than you can say “But I’m 1/32nd Cherokee Indian & have high Cheekbones”…

you know the Official Cookie of The Commonwealth is the “Toll House Chocolate Chip Cookie”… Ironic isn’t it. we have a cookie whose name is (loosely) based on a payment/tax required to travel on a road and now there is a law forbidding even that cookie to be sold… Our Forefathers would be shaking their heads in disbelief.  Maybe we need A Boston Cup Cake Party? We’ll get a Flash Mob together and Toss our Cookies in the Hoston Harbor.  Watch your Cell for the Date & Time.

UPDATE: April 9th
The Massachusetts House today voted to derail the ban on cupcakes and other items at bake sale fundraisers at local schools. (Full Story)

Proof That Romney Is Willing To Say ANYTHING To Get Elected

Willard Romney won six out of ten states last night, but you have to wonder how many voters saw this video before casting their ballots.  In it, he brags about how he was able to secure “over $410 Million” from the federal government to help fund the 2002 Winter Olympics.  What’s odd is that he even talks about how helpful it is to have people inside Washington to manipulate the system and get you money.

“I’ve learned from my Olympic experience that if you have people that really understand how Washington works and have personal associations there, you can get money to help build economic development opportunities.”  -Mitt Romney

To be honest… It kind of sounds like he describes a “Washington insider”.  And it sounds like he thinks that “Washington insiders” are good people to have around.  Later in the video, he even brags about how he got an extra million dollars from the Department Of Education.  When discussing it, he grins and describes it as using “creativity”.

This is all somewhat odd, considering that Mitt Romney has placed so much emphasis on the fact that he’s “not a Washington insider”.  But it sounds like when he was vying to be governor of Massachusetts, he was absolutely willing to employ the talents of just such insiders.

Romney has had a hard time convincing Conservative voters that he’s the candidate that they’re looking for, and examples like this might be why.

Romney’s Achilles Heel

Romney instituted a socialistic health care program in the state of Massachusetts while he was the Governor there and many politically minded people believe that if he is the GOP candidate, he will not be able to defend his statements concerning why he did so. Other are concerned that he will not repeal Obama’s health care program which will be imposed upon the citizens of all 50 States starting in 2014. There are several similarities in Obama’s Health Care Program and Romney Care.

In order to combat the criticisms of his applying Romney Care into law, Mitt uses the rationalization that the citizens of Massachusetts wanted universal health care for the state. This is a specious argument and displays his wrong thinking. An elected official is duty bound to protect his constituents from making wrong decisions, he is morally bound to stand for the Constitution not only of the United States, but in the case of States’ elected officials, the Constitution of that State. Mitt shirked his moral and honorable responsibility by signing that bill into law.

Romney would have better footing in this campaign if he had vetoed that bill, and sent it back to the legislature to leave it to them to force the citizens of Massachusetts to pay for medical care. And many citizens of Massachusetts did not want this forced upon them. Many people moved to New Hampshire, in protest, to avoid the taxes to pay for this failed program as well as the fees associated with not having health care insurance.

Using the 10th Amendment of the United States Constitution to justify this action is also a rationalization. The Founders never intended for the 9th or the 10th to be used to put into place an anti-American, anti-capitalistic, pro-collectivist law by which some citizens are mandated to pay for other citizens, nor was it intended to force people to buy something they felt they didn’t need. Many younger people don’t buy health insurance because they are healthy and have not incurred any medical expenses.

This argument reverts to Original Intent, not only of the United States Constitution, but to the State of Massachusetts Constitution which was adopted in 1780.

In order to understand what Original Intent means, we must first know what a Constitution is.

According to The American Handbook of Constitutional Law by Henry Campbell Black, LL. D. in the 4th edition published in 1927 by the West Publishing Company, a Constitution is a governing document instituted by the people as a whole instead of by a legislature of their representatives. He states that it cannot be abrogated, repealed or modified by any power except that which established it, the people. http://www.originalintent.org/edu/constitutions.php He continues by pointing out that Constitutions are not established to restrain the people, but to restrain the government.

Black continues, “The provisions of a constitution refer to the fundamental principles of government and the establishment and guaranty of liberties, instead of being designed merely to regulate the conduct of individuals among themselves. [Constitutions announce principles, while statutes apply them. Sproules v. State, 97 Tex Cr. R. 561, 262 S. W. 757.” Ibid.

Summarizing, a Constitution is written for the people, put into effect by the people and it is to protect the people’s Natural Rights. It is a document limiting the control the government has over the people who voted to install the Constitution as their governing document.

Since both the US Constitution and the Constitution of Massachusetts have an amendment process, the definition of Original Intent must be utilized to guide that process.

Language is one of our keys to understanding what people write. However, words change meaning over time and in order to understand what is meant by a document written over 200 years ago, we must turn to the dictionary meaning of the words from that time period. Finding what the Founders actually wanted for this country is hinged on this premise.

The body of the Constitution outlines the limitations on the Federal Government, the duties of the government and the division of the government. The Rights of the People are outlined in the Constitution, primarily in the Bill of Rights, the first Ten Amendments to the Federal Constitution. The combination of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution are our Founding Documents and they delineate the restrictions placed upon the Federal Government. In the 9th and 10th Amendments, the enumeration of the rights of the people not spelled out in the first eight Amendments is reserved for the people and for the States. However, taking from one person the fruits of his labor is not something the Founders intended, even if the people vote for that proposition. The “Pursuit of Happiness” clause of the Declaration was, among other implications, intended to ensure that people would have the right to do what they desired to increase their property, including physical property, monetary property, intellectual property and the results of those quests and to not have the Government of the Federal or State government legislate to confiscate those yields even if citizens vote for it. One person does not have the right to take the rights of another unless that right is given over freely. The majority voting to take from the minority is not the same thing. Giving of one’s rights to another person is an individual’s action.

The “Pursuit of Happiness” clause is part of Original Intent. When we refer to this concept, what is meant is the government may not change provisions of the original document with respect to liberties. In other words, it may not be amended to take away the rights of the people. We have seen several Amendments that do just this, for example, the 16th, which addresses Income Tax.

The first words from the Preamble of the Constitution of Massachusetts are as follows: “The end of the institution, maintenance, and administration of government is to secure the existence of the body-politic, to protect it, and to furnish the individuals who compose it with the power of enjoying, in safety and tranquillity, their natural rights and the blessings of life…” (The original spelling is utilized here.) http://www.nhinet.org/ccs/docs/ma-1780.htm As you can see, though the language is different from the United States Constitution, the implication is the same: Men are entitled to the fruits of their labor.

“Laws must relate to the nature and the principle of the government that is established or that one wants to establish, whether those laws form it as do political laws, or maintain it, as do civil laws.” Charles de Montesquieu

These issues will rear their ugly head over and over as Romney continues to campaign for the nomination of the Republican Party Candidate.

And, Obama will use the fact that his health care reform bill is based on Romney Care.

Will Romney be able to defend his position on his signing the health care bill when he was Governor of Massachusetts when he faces Obama?

The voting bloc will pay attention.

Surprise! RomneyCare Costs Exploding / Hidden from the Public

According to this article in The New York Times, “Massachusetts cannot bar legal immigrants from a state health care program, according to a ruling issued Thursday by the state’s highest court, a decision that edges the state closer to its goal of providing near-universal health care coverage to its residents” adding, “The ruling said that a 2009 state budget that dropped about 29,000 legal immigrants who had lived in the United States for less than five years from Commonwealth Care, a subsidized health insurance program central to this state’s 2006 health care overhaul, violated the State Constitution.” How does that saying by Sir Walter Scott go? Oh yes, “Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.”

If we look back on the head politico that signed the 2009 state budget that did indeed prohibit legal immigrants from receiving RomneyCare health insurance, we see Governor Deval Patrick spinning like a top in trying to explain how he went against the state constitution and installed this discriminatory provision into the healthcare law through the state budgeting system. Gov. Patrick knew fully well this was being done to save money, yet after being caught, he comes out saying he was “initially opposed” to it. From the NYT piece,Gov. Deval Patrick initially opposed barring the immigrants’ from the program and worked with legislators to create an alternative — and more limited — program that cost about $40 million.  If the governor was truly opposed to barring legal immigrants from receiving the health insurance provided by RomneyCare, then he would have vetoed it. This is the direct result of career politicians promising things to get elected, then when they realize the cost of it, they start to secretly inflicting hardships onto the citizenry to pay for their irresponsible nanny-state promises. In this case, the implied “free healthcare for all” turned out to be not so free and not for all citizens.

State officials say they will abide by the high court’s decision, ( isn’t that refreshing) but will now have to figure out a way to pay for the extra $150 million shortfall in the state budget. ( They can always raise taxes on the working class to pay for their blunder, and just call them “fees” as mitt Romney did for his entire term as Governor)

Former Massachusetts Governor and 2012 GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney currently stated that RomneyCare is a perfect fit for the state of Massachusetts residents and is working to ensure all residents have health care. When people are promised anything free by the government, it never actually turns out to be free, as most things in life never do. The Cato Institute did a Policy Analysis of RomneyCare back in January 2010, two years before the high court decision that exposes the Massachusetts government barring over 29,000 legal immigrants from receiving RomneyCare health insurance. That analysis exposes how citizens were prodded to not reveal their true insurance status, (possibly to avoid the the penalties for not having health insurance) and that “the official estimate reported by the Commonwealth almost certainly overstates the law’s impact on insurance coverage, likely by 45 percent. The Policy Analysis paper also exposes the biggest piece of misinformation being used to champion RomneyCare as some form marvel of modern medicine and free gift-giving as follows: “Finally, we conclude that leading estimates understate the law’s cost by at least one third, and likely more.” (emphasis added)

These types of  big government lies and informational manipulating of the facts is exactly why  many 2012  GOP Primary voters are taking a closer look at Newt Gingrich today.  Newt Gingrich, as opposed to Mitt Romney, admits his mistakes, while Mitt Romney is still running around the country telling folks how great of an accomplishment RomneyCare was. How dishonest is that?  

Barney Frank to Leave the House

Barney Frank dares GOP to raise the debt ceilingIn a press conference at 1pm EST, Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass) is going to announce why he will not seek re-seek his seat in the House of Representatives during the 2012 election.

After 32 years in Congress, the colorful, often bombastic and caustic Representative from Massachusetts will call it quits.

The openly-gay Congressman is a promoter of gay rights and a co-sponsor of the contentious Dodd-Frank financial reform act that is often cited as a major hinderence to the economic recovery in the United States.

Massachusetts was already set to lose one seat due to Congressional re-districting and this could cost the firmly blue state a seat that was all but guaranteed.

No comment was immediately available from the Congressman’s office and his spokesman would only say that the reason for Rep. Frank’s decision to leave Congress would be obvious at 1pm.

Deadly East Coast Winter Storm Leaves Millions Without Power

The number of homes and businesses that have lost electricity in the North East has surpassed 3 million as a freakish October snow storm crossed the region over the weekend.

The storm dumped more the 2 feet of heavy, wet snow in parts of New England causing flight delays, traffic accidents and extensive power outages.

Governors across the area have said that those without power should expect to be without electricity for several days. The governors of New Jersey, Connecticut and Massachusetts have declared states of emergency on their states.

Almost 75,000 have lost power in the New York City area where the Occupy Wall Street takeover of Zucatti park has been happening. With lows in the high 20’s to lower 30’s expected tonight, only a handful of protesters remain in the park.

In Connecticut, the storm caused more than 750,000 to lose power breaking a record set when Hurricane Irene’s remnants struck the state.

Three deaths have also been reported across the North East due to the storm. An elderly man was killed while napping in his recliner when a tree feel on to his house. Another was killed in a traffic accident and the third was killed when he stepped near a downed power line.

The forecast is for dry, but cold temperatures to remain for Sunday with a slight warm up tomorrow.

Barack Obama – an Exorcist’s Nightmare

Is it possible that the pastor was performing an exorcism and Obama came out of someone else? I mean…have we been asking the wrong question all along? We’ve all been so preoccupied with the question of WHERE he was born that we’ve ignored another possibility. After all, we have all been running around on the assumption that Barry was at least born SOMEWHERE! Okay, granted, some of us thought he was spawned, but you get my point. Besides, I don’t believe it. We’ve yet to receive any reports of people watching him swim up the West Fork of the Salmon River in Idaho and lay his eggs under a lily pad near the left bank. So, did we cover all the bases? Kenya? Check! Indonesia? Check! Hawaii? Check, Check! Hell? Come again? Yeah, that’s what I meant. Is it possible that Barack Hussein Obama has never actually been born? Is it possible he is nothing but an evil apparition who currently illegally inhabits the body of a chronically drunken sailor from Queens? Did he ever take a vacation on the far side of the River Styx? Is he Satan’s love child? Is Michelle the Gatekeeper or the Keymaster? Inquiring minds want to know.

The old joke goes something like this:

Bill Clinton dies and is on his way to Hell. At Hell’s gates he meets Satan. Satan tells Clinton that Hell is full, but that Clinton will be replacing one of the current inhabitants, and he will be given the choice of who he will replace forever in Hell.

Three doors appear before Clinton. The first door opens. Behind it is Van Jones. He’s being forced to pound big rocks into little rocks. Upon seeing Van in this predicament, Clinton cringes and says, “I feel his pain! I don’t think so.”

The second door opens. Behind it is Ted Kennedy. He is bobbing for automobile parts in a large pool of dirty water. Grimacing at the filthy scene, Clinton says, “Not for me.”

The third door opens and behind it is Pee Wee Herman. He’s naked and bound hand and foot. Kneeling before him is Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

“I can handle that!” Clinton proclaims enthusiastically.

“Very well,” says Satan. “Monica, you’re free to go.”


Perhaps the joke is really on Barry, not Bill. Let’s examine the evidence and see if we can lay the rumors to rest. The charge – is Barack Hussein Obama a resident of the underworld?

The Trap Door Theory

Three men die and arrive at the Pearly Gates – Obama, Barney Frank, and CDNnow, a conservative blogger who lived through the years of the Obama presidency. St. Peter is there to greet them. St. Peter motions for Barney Frank to step forward. “What is your name?” asks St. Peter. “Barney Frank” answers the esteemed Congressman from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. “And what did you do on earth?” inquired St. Peter. “Well, let’s see,” said Frank. “I helped destroy the banking industry, I looked the other way while my roommate ran a gay prostitution ring out of my basement, and I tolerated Ted Kennedy for years, but that’s all water under the bridge by now,” replied Frank. “Go to Hell!” said St. Peter, pulling a giant lever that opened a trap door under Frank’s feet and down Frank went to roast his weenie over a bed of hot coals. St. Peter motioned for Obama to step forward.

“What is your name?” inquired St. Peter. “Barry Soetero,” replied Obama. But I changed my name to Barack Hussein Obama so I could qualify for the 72 virgins.” St. Peter wasn’t impressed. “And what did you do on earth?” St. Peter asked Obama. “I implemented communistic healthcare, held beer summits, and took far too many expensive vacations on the public’s dime,” answered Obama. “Go to Hell!” said St. Peter. He yanked the big lever, the trap door opened beneath Obama’s feet and Barry was sent plummeting down to join Van Jones and the Crazed Sex Poodle.

By this time CDNnow was getting nervous. St. Peter motioned CDNnow to come up before his desk. CDNnow walked gingerly forward, checking for trap doors as he approached the divine personage. “What is your name?” demanded St. Peter. “My name is CDNnow,” he replied. “And what did you do in your life?” asked St. Peter. “I lived through the Obama presidency,” replied CDNnow. “Come on in!” said St. Peter, swinging open the pearly gates and admitting CDNnow to Heaven. “You’ve already been through Hell!”

I’ve got to hand it to St. Peter – he sure knows how to call ‘em! I’m tempted to tell a joke here about a small shovel and relate it to St. Peter’s decision-making ability but I will forgo the temptation – which is a real shame – because the way I understand it temptation is the first step towards repentance. Perhaps I should tell the joke anyway. After all, I know I won’t go to Hell. I repent too damn fast! Naw, it’s too explosive. Look for the clues. Figure it out for yourself. Use your noggin. Nuff’ said.

Barbed Wire – or Kicking Against the Pricks

One day God was out riding the range and decided to ride along the fence line that separates Heaven from Hell. After riding for quite some time he came to a point in the fence where the barbed wire had been torn down. This upset the Almighty to no end. As he was fuming, the Devil came riding up on the other side of the fence. “I demand that you fix this fence immediately! I know that you are the one who tore it down,” said God. “Cry me a river” replied the Devil. “What are you going to do if I don’t repair the fence?” By this time God was fit to be tied. “If you don’t fix this fence I’m going to sue!” cried the Lord. “Oh yeah?” replied Satan, “And where are you going to find any lawyers?”

Point taken. Now let’s put it to a logical syllogism:

Obama is a lawyer.
Lawyers go to Hell.
Therefore, Obama went to Hell.

Okay, that works!

The Exorcism Theory

Let us all bow our heads in mercy and forgiveness for that drunken sailor. After all he is not evil in and of himself. He’s merely had an evil spirit that has been redistributed to him. See, socialism sucks! Given that the sailor is an innocent victim we shall regard exorcism more as a cure and less of a punishment. In Islam, an exorcism is called a Ruqya. Which is quite convenient…giving rise to such phrases as “Ruqya, Obama!” and “Ruqya too, Harry Reid!” Oh, did you hear the one about the dispossessed Libyan terrorist? No Sheikh!  – Or the one about the naked ghost? No Sheet! Or the one about the naked cowboy? No Sheep! I just threw that last one in there as a variation on a theme. Anyway, let’s get back to the exorcism. I do tend to get carried away at times and I apologize for that.

I’m not Beetlejuice so please forgive me if I butcher the proper technique to perform a Hawaiian exorcism. I could have also performed a Kenyan or Indonesian exorcism but hey, I wanted pineapples in the ceremony! Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find a Hawaiian holy man with a background in Demonology? They don’t grow on palm trees, folks! And the few that do exist tend to be rather weird. I’ve yet to meet a normal paranormal. And still I found success. On the island of Ni‘ihau, commonly referred to as The Forbidden Island, live about 130 natives and one Hawaiian exorcist. It isn’t easy to get there…or cheap. I arranged for a helicopter to drop me off. I would have taken Mrs. PolarCoug along but she wanted to fly out a week in advance on a second helicopter, and drag the kids along with a bunch of bodyguards, too. Gee, that scenario sounds familiar. Now where could I have heard that one before? Strange. Anyway, back to the story.

Upon landing I discovered that Ni‘ihau isn’t fit even for miscreant liberal crybabies. And yet, that is where I found Lei Pupoo, who refused to tell me how he got that name and I don’t blame him. In his mysterious yet mystical way he told me that he became a Hawaiian exorcist shortly after the Ni‘ihau Incident in World War II. It seems a Japanese fighter pilot crashed on Ni‘ihau and went about terrorizing the local inhabitants for about a week. Naval Airman 1st Class Shigenori Nishikaichi took part in the second wave of the attack on Pearl Harbor. He flew off the deck of the aircraft carrier Hiryu and had the bad misfortune to run into some American bullets…got to know them on a first name basis. He made an emergency landing on Ni‘ihau, nearly plowing over a native man standing on the beach. Life is a beach sometimes, isn’t it? To make a long story short, he overpowered a guard, stole a shotgun and a pistol and headed back to his plane. A native named Kaleohano happened to be in the outhouse at the time Nishikaichi came running by on his way to his airplane. Pupoo was in the basement at the time and saw the hole thing. Kaleohano made a mad dash for safety out of the outhouse and Pupoo stayed right where he was – looking for relief butt finding that what happens in the outhouse stays in the outhouse.

Wow, that was a long paragraph. Let’s take a break for a moment and then we’ll get back to the story.

There was once a country boy who hated using the outhouse because it was hot in the summer and freezing in the winter…plus it stank all the time. The outhouse was situated on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.

So one day after a spring rain the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. He got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing this meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. The dad replied, “Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn’t it, son?”

The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, “Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn’t get into trouble because he told the truth.”

The dad replied, “Well, son, George Washington’s father wasn’t in that cherry tree.”

-    Legends of America

Pupoo wasn’t so lucky. He WAS in that outhouse. And there he stayed until he was rescued a week later. During that time he went through Hell. Or rather, Hell went through him. He emerged a new man and decided to devote the rest of his life to exorcising the demons that possessed his fellow Hawaiians. After all, a river ran through it and he was determined to get to the bottom of the problem. The end. Not the end of the story – just “the end!” Yeah, THAT end. Well, not quite the end, that Japanese sailor? He ended up getting his face bashed in. That’s what happens when angry Hawaiians apply high velocity rocks to one’s head (true story).

So here I was more than 70 years later, beseeching Lei Pupoo to perform an exorcism upon a drunken sailor from Queens. I was determined. “I want it all. I want it all. I want it all. And I want it now!” I told Pupoo. “I thought you said Queens, with an ‘S’”, he said. “I’m confused. Is it Queens or Queen?” I assured him it was the borough and not the band. “So much for Mercury rising,” replied PuPoo. And then he got down to work.

Pupoo began the job by cooking up his favorite recipe. He called it Ted Kennedy casserole.

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup of dark brown sugar
  • 1 cup (2 sticks) butter
  • 1 cup of granulated sugar
  • 4 large eggs
  • 2 cups of dried pineapple
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1 tsp fresh lemon juice
  • 1 cup coarsely chopped walnuts or pecans
  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila (silver or gold, as desired)

Pupoo sampled the Cuervo to check its quality. He then took a large bowl, checked the Cuervo again to make sure it was of the highest quality by pouring one level cup and taking a drink. Then he turned on the electric mixer and beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Then he added a teaspoon of sugar and beat it again…and again…and again…and again…and again. At this point Pupoo decided it was best to make sure the Cuervo was still okay so he downed another cup, just in case. Then he turned off the mixerer thingy. He broke two eggs and added them to the bowl and chucked in the cup of dried pineapple. At that point he picked the frigging pineapple off the floor and mixed it on the turner…wow, that Cuervo was really getting to him! Whenever the dried pineapple got stuck in the beaterers he just pried it loose with a screwdriver. At this stage of the food preparation Pupoo sampled the Cuervo for tonsisticity. Then he sifted two cups of salt, or something. Then it was time to check the Jose Cuervo. Then he shifted the lemon juice and strained his nuts. He added one table, a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever he could find. He greased the oven, turned the cake tin 360 degrees and tried not to fall over. Then he beat off the turner. Finally, he threw the bowl out the window, finished off the Cose Juervo and made sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

It was time. Pupoo prepared the inner chamber for the exorcism. He lit 24 ecologically friendly candles and placed them in a circle around the drunken sailor – who obviously wasn’t going anyone’s way, let alone mine. A backlit portrait of Janet Napolitano was strategically placed behind the sailor’s head and the empty bottle of Jose Cuervo was placed between his legs. Finally, a bit of sand scraped up off the floor of Lenin’s Tomb was sprinkled on the sailor’s dinghy, if you know what I mean.

Calling on the blessed name of Karl Marx, Pupoo began a slow and ponderous chant:

Oh, Satan, wondrous one!
Bring out of sailor, your blessed son!
Bring him fast and bring near,
Bring him with a keg of beer!

Out of Kenya, out of time.
Out of Harvard. On our dime.
Out of Boston, Out of bucks.
Out of money, just our luck!

Rise up now and quick appear.
Rise up Barry, show no fear.
Raise our taxes, feel our pain,
Raise yourself now, don’t complain!

The candles blew themselves out. The bottle shattered into a thousand pieces. The grains of sand aligned themselves in a row pointing towards the sailor’s chest and the picture of JanPo disappeared with a rushing sound that reminded me of the Trans-Siberian Railway rolling around a curve somewhere near Lake Baikal.

Slowly, a hideous apparition arose from the sailor’s chest. What the crap?! It’s the Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man! I just got slimed! I noticed he was wearing the sailor’s hat and a cute little red bandana.

“I was expecting Obama!” I yelled at Mr. Marshmallow. Then the giant marshmallow morphed into the most disgusting creature I had ever seen. It looked eerily like a cross between Nancy Pelosi and Jerold Nadler. “I was expecting Obama!” I screamed again. The giant slug turned its massive head, wiped the Botox off its lips and responded to me with a thunderous voice.

“There is no Obama. Only Zuul!”

Pick-Up Truck to Blame for Coakley Loss

Democrat-hated TruckCommentators and pundits are trying to figure out just why Coakley lost.  The White House press secretary thinks it’s Bush’s fault, Coakley’s lead pollster blames the White House, and the rest of the liberal leadership … hates Scott Brown’s truck.

John Kerry said, “I’ve got news for you, Scott: George Bush drove a truck, too, and look where it got us”.  Coakley said that it didn’t matter that Brown drove a truck because he was going in the wrong direction.  Obama decided to attack Scott’s mode of transportation by telling us all to “forget the truck” and “everybody can buy a truck”.

Hearing all of this truck-bashing seriously reminded me of the Southwest Airlines commercial when they ask, “why do they hate your bags so much”. So Mr. President, why do you hate our trucks so much? Are you too good to ride in a truck? Are people that drive trucks stupid or unworthy? Are we the less-equal animals in Orwell’s book?

It’s obvious that Obama has no concern for the common citizen, because we’re… common.  We don’t eat arugula regularly (or at all), have lobster at every meal or play golf while our responsibilities are being ignored.  Instead we might drive trucks, because putting mulch in a sedan isn’t effective, and just try putting a sheet of plywood on your econo-scooter.  Then again, we are the same ones that cling to our bibles and guns.  Somehow having religion and legally owning a firearm also knocks us down on the animal equality meter.

In a post on nationalreview.com, Mark Steyn also sees a growing hatred of trucks in our country:

America is becoming a bilingual society, divided between those who think a pickup is a rugged vehicle useful for transporting heavy-duty items from A to B and those who think a pickup is coded racism.

I drive a pickup and it has over 100,000 miles on it.  I have a bible and … guns.  The Democrats problem is that they are the only ones offended by these facts.  They are certainly the only ones that would look down their elitist noses at someone with  an 8 year old truck.  Clearly I drive it because I can’t afford to buy a new shiny BMW every three years – or perhaps, because I don’t want to.  If someone else likes the new car smell so much they discard a perfectly useful vehicle and don’t mind being constantly in debt, so be it.  It’s their choice and it doesn’t affect me at all.  I like not having had a car payment in recent history.  I hope I get 250,000 miles out of this truck and I hope it irritates the crap out of the President.

If you listen to Obama, Brown got elected because we’re all still mad at Bush.  I’ll pile that one on to truck-hatred and bible/gun bashing. Coakley lost because she was inept and decided to support Obama’s failed policies.  The failed policies of the current administration.  She lost because she decided to speak for Kurt Schilling (and not correctly), couldn’t spell her own state, and … hates trucks.  She lost because she is out of touch with America – and so goes the Democrat party.