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Obama put the BS in joBS

Okay, so you’ve all heard Irene is heading straight at Mister O’Wonderful’s vacation hideout on Martha’s Vineyard. Now, assuming he doesn’t cut-n-run (doubtful) we will see the spectacle of Irene transforming Mister O’Wonderful into Ilean out on the fifth hole. This tasty sight would dispel the notion that Mister O’Wonderful is a centrist. It would be blatantly clear to even the socialist Captain Obvious Bernie Sanders that O’Wonderful leans to the left. Oh, pardon me. He doesn’t lean. Ilean.

But Irene is nothing more than a minor bother to the Lobster Twins despite the predicted giant sucking sounds for Massachusetts this weekend. The real hurricane is gaining strength out in flyover country and the computer models are predicting a direct hit on November 2, 2012. Hurricane forecasters are pointing out that those hurricanes in the Northern Hemisphere spin counterclockwise. For those of you in Queens that means to the right! Don’t get confused, folks— its circular reasoning. We don’t need a weatherman to tell us which way the wind blows… but enough about Bill Ayers.

For all you liberals still in denial, I suggest you forget your troubles for a while and go see a movie. Uh, never mind, chances are that you would just see Patton slap Obama this time around. Hey, isn’t revisionist history wonderful! Anyway, back to November 2nd next year. Obama better hope that he doesn’t have an election lasting more than four hours. Why, you ask? This is why, America …

(__!__) <—– Before Obama, (__O__) <—– After Obama.

Obama has things so fouled up now the Kenyans are saying he was born in the United States. Seriously, my commie friends—I’m just trying to cheer you up. Like you, I’m waiting with baited breath (I am a penguin, after all) to hear that O’Lobster has his claws completely around this jobs thing. But no matter what spews forth from O’Lobster’s pie-hole next month… Never fear! Barry’s got a plan to run the whole economy on rainbow-colored unicorn farts.

Mister O'Wonderful

Mister O’Wonderful

Don’t laugh, I’m serious. Barry and the Banking Queen, Barney Frank, have been squirreled away for weeks now with a laser-like focus on jobs. They’re being proactive. They’re thinking strategically. They’re thinking outside the bun! The danger, of course, is that given his track record, Barney Frank will be tempted to lead from behind. Poor Barney Frank, he’s in over his head. Oh, in the interest of full disclosure I must reveal that this opinion piece has been paid for by the Committee to Erect Anthony Weiner. Sheesh, I heard it through the grapevine that Barney Frank has a staff infection. (I really kill me sometimes!) Sorry, I got off topic there for a bit. Back to more serious news. Anthony Weiner: Wasn’t he the subject of what we were talking about somewhere in the middle of this run-on paragraph? Yes, he was! And the latest news about Weiner is that he is made from one-hundred percent pulled pork! What’s the point? Oh yeah, paragraphs are supposed to have a topic sentence and everything else in the paragraph is supposed to support that topic sentence, right? Well, there’s not much I can do about the sentences I’ve already penned but I’ll get back on topic with the concluding sentence in this grammatical nightmare (Sorry about the dangling participle there, Weiner). Here goes nothing. Barack Obama has the brain of a turkey and I’ll bet the turkey was glad to be rid of it.

The Democrats 2012 campaign strategy: If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with Barack. It has been quite enlightening for those of us who are conservatives to learn about ATM economics. What an education! Oh, the soaring rhetoric that spills from the lips of the Chicago Messiah whenever he speaks about those evil ATMs. But let us cut to the chase about Automatic Teller Machines. Obama’s real problem is that the ATM does not give out money based on a worker’s need and thus is an instrument of oppression. It isn’t like Obama can’t solve this ATM tragedy if he really wants to. Laws that liberals don’t like aren’t really laws, they’re just worded wrong. So Obama can just ignore banking laws in the same manner he ignores court decisions about the unconstitutionality of ObamaCare. He can simply do whatever he wants while we, the great masses of the unwashed, just keep wasting away again down in Obamaville. With fiends like Obama who needs an enema?

Sorry for this disjointed piece of prose. But, you know, you have to be real and these thoughts just keep tumbling out of my brain. It’s a matter of medical health for me. You see, if I don’t write these things down as they spill out of my cranium I end up feeling repressed. And you don’t want a repressed penguin on the loose, do you? So, here is the disjointed thought for this paragraph. The thought I am about to express had its origin in the second paragraph when I brought up the subject of Massachusetts. It sort of wiggled its way out of my frontal lobe and morphed into what you are about to read. Okay, here it is, brain dump time… Gee, someone cheated on a Kennedy…isn’t it usually the other way around? (Sorry, Arnold)

That last paragraph really moved me. Speaking of earthquakes, I hope future quakes create more land. Maybe, just maybe, a new “America” will form and we can have New New York!

Let us conclude with Obama’s job performance, or lack thereof, which is the underlying cause of the hurricane heading straight for a polling booth near you. You need a job and Barry’s just been busy winning the ‘Arab Spring’, one lobster at a time. You want secure borders but are left wondering if man evolved from apes then how do you explain Janet Napolitano? China has a one child policy and we have a one Biden policy. We’re told to watch what we eat while The First Lardass of the United States is swigging premium vodka, devouring lobster, and getting luxurious massages all on our dime. And don’t even get me started on her personal jet for the trip to Martha’s Vineyard. But (butt?) I will excuse that indiscretion this one time because I’m sure the Air Force has weight load limitations on those puny 747s they call Air Force One.

Between campaign appearances, there is no Barack Obama. Barack Obama, the man of a thousand excuses. So, Mister O’Wonderful, is it true that the people who live there on the island can get jobs as instructors at the Kennedy Community Diving and Swim Center in Chappaquiddick?

Hey, Barry! Copernicus called. He said you’re not the center of the universe!

Everybody, get your Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle loaded and hunker down.

And lest you think it is just conservatives that are sick of Barry, today’s news is that Richard Trumpka of AFL-CIO fame is threatening to withdraw union funding from the Democrats. See what happens when you do not vet your candidate, Kool-Aid drinker? Obama is going to plead with Trumpka, arguing that he inherited a mess. But the fact is that he begged for the job knowing that fact. Is he insane? Yes.

But, enough about Barry; next time we will discuss the other half of the Lobster Twins. We’ll all learn why Michelle is a perfect example of taxidermy gone wrong. Stuff it, Barry. Stuff it, Michelle. Stuff it, Joe Biden. Stuff it, Debbie Downer. And, “You first,” Maxine Waters.

Perhaps, now that the Libya conflict is winding down Barry will decide to attack Norway. Forget it, Barry. We can’t afjoird it!

Remember, America, you can’t fix stupid, but you can vote it out.

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