Michelle’s Hair is all the Bush’s Fault
Just when we thought we had seen it all on this gaffetastic European vacation we discover massive quantities of flora sprouting out of Michelle Obama’s head. The Conservative Daily News doesn’t have legal rights to publish that totally awesome photograph so I can’t show it to you directly, but hey, just lick the clink…uh, click the link! Drat, that’s the wrong link. Try this one! Any time now the White House will issue a statement claiming that Michelle’s new do’ is all the Bush’s fault. And as devastating as that photo is of Audrey II of Little Shop of Horrors fame looking like the Afro by MoreGro, the runaway plant is the least of Michelle’s problems.
Just a day earlier Michelle MaBelle (why has your figure gone to Hell?) suffered a wardrobe malfunction when the wind threatened to blow her outrageous outfit up over her backyard vegetable garden. Oops, we’re not talking the headshot anymore. Okay, we’ll fix that…“Just a day earlier Michelle MaBelle (why has your figure gone to Hell?) suffered a wardrobe malfunction when the wind threatened to turn Michelle into a spokeswoman for rubber-covered fire hose. 500 pound test. Engineered to lay flat. Ozone resistant. One piece construction. Huge nozzle. Sucks to be you, Michelle.
In other news, the plant died.
Okay, back to the plant. Actually, that plant hairdo is way better than her normal coifs. Michelle looked just like a Christmas tree. She’s never subscribed to the Golden Rule that “less is more”. It’s all paste, fake – the plant was giving her a hint. I bet one of her aides bought that rhinestone necklace Michelle was wearing in the palace gift shop. The necklace looked like it got tangled up with three other ones and Michelle caved and decided to wear all of them. Did you catch the hypocrisy? She draped all sorts of paste jewelry around her neck but somehow neglected to wear her wedding ring. The jewelry was fake–just like the Obamas. Oh, did you hear? The plant died. The brassiness of her jewelry is surpassed only by her lousy makeup which makes her look like a Jack-o-Lantern. Speaking of Jackie O’, we never had to scrape seeds out of John F. Kennedy’s wife. I mean, just sayin’. To put it politely, Michelle gives an entirely new meaning to the word “Prune.” I now see why her husband never had any affairs…uh, ….
Just a hint here Mister Secret Service driver–Putting a tree in the trunk tends to make limos bottom-out while exiting embassies in Ireland, or anywhere else for that matter. Besides, (s)he ain’t heavy, (s)he’s my Harry Reid. And while you are at it you better modify Air Force One to include a rear cargo ramp – emphasis on “rear.”
I notice that the Queen has been keeping her distance from Michelle this trip. Guess she doesn’t like being pawed over. But despite the weightier matters of state, the one thing that makes Michelle unattractive over any other considerations is her scowl. It has been said that a person’s countenance is a reflection on the outside of what is going on inside. Given that scowl and the giant weed behind her head, Michelle looked like Diana Ross on crack sporting a kudzu fetish.
So we end up where we began. We think we have seen in all on the Obamas’ European vacation. But wait, they’re heading to France. Imagine the possibilities! Like General Norman H. Schwarzkopf once said, “Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion.”