Group Pushes to Limit Steak Consumption

By | January 21, 2011

A group founded on dietary safety and health has started a new campaign against steak.  The group isn’t asking for an outright banning of steak by the FDA, but would support the idea. Jenna Smith-Johnson from the group commented that they aren’t trying to keep people from eating beef, just trying to limit its availability.

We aren’t pressing to end the consumption of all beef, not even all steaks, we’re just asking that regulators prevent the serving of Kobe beef steaks, buffalo steaks, and a few of the fattier cuts like the ribeye steak.  With the government taking on health care, we just can’t afford to keep paying the hospital costs for people that choose to eat this unhealthy.  Heart attacks, obesity, all of it are costs that those of us that don’t eat ribeyes and Kobe beef don’t want to take on

Mike Tillman of the North American Steak Producers and Ranchers (NASPAR), said that he fears this is just the beginning.

Sure, today they come after the rib roast, tomorrow it will be ground beef, the strip, filets, all of it.  This is an attack on beef plain and simple

A local Democratic Congressmen who commented only on the condition of anonymity expressed that perhaps compromise was possible:

Banning steak in restaurants just inn’t reasonable, but we could consider steak-eating and non-steak-eating seating areas so that those that don’t want to be lured by the smell of steak can eat in peace.

Jim Spellman of Steak Eaters Against Restrictions (SEAR) said, “Separating people isn’t going to make a difference, what next, we have to eat steak outside only?  Then what, a steak tax?  This is ridiculous.  They can’t keep me from eating steak – can they?  I mean, if they can keep me from eating steak, what else can they take away?”

The organization seeking to restrict the availability of certain cuts of beef, Beef Limitation Organizers of the World (BLOW), released this official statement:

BLOW does not want to limit anyone’s liberty, but we all have to share the responsibility for the health of American citizens now that we are going more and more into government health insurance systems like Medicare and Medicaid.  Obamacare has finally realized American’s right to health insurance and to make sure that right exists for all time, we must keep the population healthy.  We think that moderating the amount of beef available could significantly affect obesity and cardiac disease rates.

This article is pure fiction as are all events, comments, persons and groups mentioned within. Any semblance to actual events, comments, names or groups is purely coincidental and unintentional. No animals were harmed in the writing of the article, although it has made me really hungry. Steak, it’s what’s for dinner.

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5 thoughts on “Group Pushes to Limit Steak Consumption

  1. Jennas Friend

    Too bad this isn’t real. Kobe beef is taken from calves that are raised in deplorable circumstances. Other cows also don’t have to be slaughtered just so obese white people can eat. People weren’t meant to eat cows anyway or chickens either.

    1. Daniel

      Who’s Jenna? Please explain to me what people are “meant to eat” then and how you come to make that statement. Also did you read the disclaimer at bottom? What does “white people” have to do with this? Did you miss the movie “Precious?” Have you seen the size of Oprah lately? Grow up and stop the racist trolling.

  2. Jay

    I was reading this and thinking, man they’ve gone too far this time .. but only because it was plausible. I could see some left-wing nut-job starting some group to slowly but methodically eliminate meat. All for the greater good or some crap.

    I was all set to join SEAR too .. once I saw the name of the group, BLOW, I caught on. Satire, well done, and the point of a slow erosion of freedoms is taken to heart.

  3. Daniel

    Typo correction and lack of proper self-editing on my part. “Steak eaters against restrictions.’

    I may start a group called Writers against illiterate liberal trolls who can’t spell or use proper grammar too.

  4. Daniel

    Very good points Rich. Wonder how many folks won’t read the disclaimer and type in some outrage at “Jenna”, LOL.

    I like the counter-group, Steak-eters against restrictions also. Very nice touch there.

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