Obama; The Fairy Tale

The setting is a major hospital in a large U.S. city. Specifically, the setting is in the hospital’s gastro-intestinal department. Imagine yourself laying on a gurney, clothed only in one of those stupid hospital gowns that are purposely designed to lay bare your backside for all to see. But wait, there’s more! You have a NasoGastric tube shoved up your nose, down your throat, over the river and through the wood to grandfather’s house it goes, all the way to your stomach. There you are, laying on your left side, with that damn NG tube forced down your gullet like undercooked turkey on Thanksgiving Day. Your butt is hanging out for all the nurses to ogle and your ulcer is acting up something fierce. It should; the gastroenterologist stabbed you with a syringe several minutes ago and squirted some type of infernal liquid into your veins for the express purpose of forcing your stomach, ulcer and all, to secrete all the acid it can possibly produce. Can you say “feeling crappy?” Oh, and one more thing—they’re sucking all of the acid out of your stomach through that damn tube so they can measure just how much that tummy is putting out. Sheesh, some people’s hobbies!

Anyway, there you are in total misery when you hear a physician on the other side of the curtain engaging in some delicate plumbing work on an old dude who is in worse shape than you are. The old geezer pleads with the doctor to get it over quick. “How much further, doc?” moans the old man as Doctor Obama stuffs an oversize tube up the geezer’s back door. Despite your own misery you find yourself enmeshed in the soap opera. You indeed are paying attention to the man on the other side of the curtain. “Oh, just about six feet!” responds Dr. Obama as he shoves that hose right up the guy’s ass.

That’s us, folks. Dr. Obama isn’t done with us yet. In fact, Barry the Barium Enema Queen is just getting started on shoving his communist ideology up our backsides. In fact, tomorrow, Monday, September 19th, Comrade Obama will announce a deficit reduction plan rumored to be at least $2 trillion. Yeah, right, doc. Obama’s NEW plan…Tax and Spend. Now that’s innovative. Let me guess, Barry Obama is going to focus like a laser on jobs (especially his own) and come up with his cute little deficit plan that is little more than an excuse to raise taxes. Tax the rich! Tax the rich! And your little dog, too!

The wolf, formerly known as Barry, wants to eat the rich girl but is afraid to do so in public. He approaches Little Red Riding Millionaire and she naïvely tells him where she is going to stash her cash. He suggests the rich girl pick some US-backed securities, which she does. In the meantime, he goes to the rich girl’s bank accounts and gains entry by pretending to be the rich girl. He swallows the account balances whole, and waits for the rich girl, disguised as a certificate of deposit.

When the rich girl arrives, she notices the certificate of deposit looks very strange to be in her portfolio. Little Red Riding Millionaire then says, “What big interest rates you have!” Then Little Red Riding Millionaire says, “My, what big automatic renewal terms you have!” To which Wolf Barry replies, “The better to eat you with a penalty for early withdrawal,” and swallows her principal whole, too.

A conservative auditor, however, comes to the rescue and cuts Wolf Barry’s scheme open by noticing that the automatic rollover grace period is still open. Little Red Riding Millionaire and her poor fellow citizens emerge unscathed from four years of White House Hell. They fill Wolf Barry’s debt reduction scheme with IOUs from Chicago, which aren’t worth the paper they are printed on. Wolf Barry awakens to the sound of lobsters eating him alive—Turnabout’s fair play.

We don’t really know the ending to this fairy tale but one thing is for certain. Obama isn’t going to go down easy. Instead of truly cutting spending he is simply going to seek higher taxes. This time around he is demanding a minimum tax rate for millionaires. Can you say “redistribution of wealth?” Furthermore, Obama is demanding that corporate loopholes be closed and that tax subsidies to oil and gas companies be eliminated. Oh, and then there is that pesky deduction for charitable contributions that needs to be eliminated. Now we can’t have people voluntarily helping the poor and needy, can we? That wouldn’t be fair! Fair is when the government forcibly takes your money, just like Wolf Obama swallowed those bank accounts. Fair is when the government decides what to do with your money, and you can bet it isn’t going to benefit you. More likely it is going to pay for a new strip club for hookers in the Bronx.

Well, at least Barry is going to actually introduce legislation to Congress. He’s finally got a Bill in his hands… pervert—which will lead Hillary to ask her sometimes wayward husband, “Did you see the stimulus, Bill?” To which Bill Clinton, ever the diplomat and elder statesman of the Democratic party, will respond to Hillary’s question about Obama’s lack of fiscal discipline by saying “He will start out with… the dog ate my stimulus!” Which begs the question, is BHO short for butthole? Yes, I do believe it is! Why, because Obama’s stimulus is nothing more than quantitative looting. Get your hands out of my pockets, Democrats. I can stimulate myself, thank you. Wow! Did I really say THAT?

In Obama we trusted and now we are busted. Too bad Obama didn’t come with a good supply of barf bags. Barack Obama, the man of a Thousand Excuses. What would you get if you crossed a Jackass with Barack Obama? Barack Obama. Does Shepherd Smith watch his flocks by night? I don’t know, but we better keep a sharp lookout for what Obama has planned for us at the next full moon. Meanwhile, we could always head down to Wall Street and the liberals’ Day of Rage campsite. Bring out the fire trucks! Nothing like washing a maggot infested hippie down the sidewalk!

So, in conclusion, please remember the parable of the tube up our collective butts. Obama still has about six feet left to go. It ain’t over till Michelle (James Brown in a gown!) starts singing and that isn’t going to be until January 20, 2013. Even then we are going to have to go through an extended period of financial retrenchment in order to recover from Barry’s Barium enema. And through it all the liberals won’t have an ounce of regret for what they have done to this country. Being liberal means never having to say you’re responsible.

Do you ever get the feeling that we have demons in the White House? Is it possible that the pastor was performing an exorcism and Obama came out of someone else?

Keep the faith, America. We are going to get through this and emerge stronger for having gone through this trial. Remember where you stand in relation to Obama. As for myself, in the ongoing battle between Barack and everybody else, I stand firmly on the side of everybody else.

You see, Barry, there are sinkers, and there are floaters. You’re a sinker.

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Rich Mitchell

Rich Mitchell is the editor-in-chief of Conservative Daily News and the president of Bald Eagle Media, LLC. His posts may contain opinions that are his own and are not necessarily shared by Bald Eagle Media, CDN, staff or .. much of anyone else. Find him on twitter, facebook and

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