What do Charles Burnett and Barack Hussein Obama have in common?—lots, apparently. Burnett takes chauffeur-driven luxury SUVs to his bank heists. Obama prefers a limo while on his way to rob the USA blind. Fine, it’s not exactly the same thing, but hey, it’s close enough! Burnett repeatedly robs the same bank… allegedly; same for Obama… allegedly. Burnett hands tellers notes demanding money. Obama hands Congress bills demanding money. Burnett likes sports. Obama likes sports. Burnett likes to travel. Obama like to travel. Burnett was recently released from a mental institution. Obama is the reason mental institutions stay in business. Burnett loves to go shopping. Obama’s wife loves to shop: Gucci, Sak’s Fifth Avenue, and Target, you name it! Burnett digs hanging out in luxury hotels. Obama lives in a luxury hotel. Burnett was arrested recently for his crimes. Obama, not so much… but his uncle was! Burnett held up the same bank three days in a row. Obama held up the same country three years in a row. Burnett allegedly told the teller “I will shoot you in the ******* face if you don’t give me all your money. Obama threatens to withhold Social Security checks if we don’t cave into his demands for tons of freshly-printed currency borrowed from our good friends, the Chinese. No one knows which mental institution Burnett was recently released from. No one knows which universities Obama really attended. Burnett may be insane. Obama, well, you get the picture.
Of course, there are also some differences. Burnett stashes his loot in room safes at the Grand Hyatt on 42nd Street in Manhattan. Obama stashes his loot with Solyndra. Burnett is 6-foot-1 and 275 pounds—Obama, not so much. Of course their weights would be a bit closer to each other if you count the fly on Obama’s upper lip. Burnett managed to abscond with about $26,200 from Sovereign Bank at 2 Gold Street in Manhattan last week. Obama? His take is measured in the trillions. Burnett is 29. Obama is 50, allegedly—no one is really sure since we suspect his released birth certificate is a fake and also, so far at least, no one has gotten up the courage to saw him in half and count the rings.
And then there are the things which these two men could possibly have in common in the future. Burnett has been arraigned on robbery charges and is being held at Rikers Island on $100,000 bail. Obama should be arraigned on robbery charges, held at Rikers Island, and have bail set a wee bit higher than $100,000. Time will tell. Police found $3,000 in cash stuffed in Burnett’s hotel room. That’s approximately the same as the number of lobsters The First Lardass can stuff in her face at a single sitting. Burnett is a married father of four. Obama is a married father of two. Perhaps there are more but neither Larry Sinclair nor Vera Baker is talking on that point.
We feel obliged to forgive Burnett for the amateurish manner in which he, allegedly, committed his crimes. After all, he is one of the down-trodden, the disenfranchised, and an insignificant part of the huddling masses yearning to be free. Obama, on the other hand, was born with a silver left foot in his mouth. Obama was raised with all the advantages in life. He learned cunning and treachery from the best in the business including Frank Marshall Davis, the Rev. (and we use the term “Rev.” very loosely in this case) Jeremiah Wright, and Rahm Emmanuel. But wait, there’s more! Let us not forget the esteemed Pentagon bomber Bill Ayers. Nor real estate lessons from both the slumlord Valerie Jarrett and Tony Rezko. It’s a wonder of the ages that Obama graduated from the putrid, fetid School of Chicago Politics with nary a hair out of place. He’s totally clean—nothing to see here, folks, move along.
As befitting the fine judicial system of the great City of New York, mercy should be shown to Burnett. He should be released to the custody of Obama and allowed to live rent-free in the Lincoln Bedroom until Obama is able to more fully school the aforementioned Burnett in the finer arts of thievery. Isn’t Obama keenly interested in the redistribution of wealth? Then again, it might not work out as well as planned because Obama has depth, but only on the surface. Down deep inside, he is shallow. But, as long as we are psychoanalyzing Obama should we really be worried what Obama thinks? After all, he doesn’t do it very often.
No single entity or force has contributed to poverty more than government. Government is the disease masquerading as its own cure. And Obama is the world’s leading light when it comes to institutionalizing poverty—a lesson Burnett is about to learn. Burnett is obviously concerned with the quick acquisition of wealth. Who better to learn that from than a radical community organizer? Oh, this is good! A peace prize for those who instigate revolution! This is like screwing for virginity! But will Obama really be willing to take Burnett under his wing and nurse him back to healthy crime? Let’s get real; sharing isn’t Obama’s strong suit. The endangered pander bear is afraid of becoming extinct. Years from now when they open the President Obama Library, will it be an empty building, to match his empty suit? Common Sense is a gift and we wish Obama was gifted. Well, we grudgingly have to admit that Obama really does possess a gift. It isn’t just any ordinary Joe who can see a railroad to the moon from his house.
Wow, My Mom was not kidding when she said it was possible for anyone to become President of the United States. "Obama can suck on my machine gun," said Ted Nugent, quoted on a Fox News interview! You just gotta’ love Uncle Ted.
Perhaps it won’t be too terribly difficult for Obama to teach young Mister Burnett all the ropes. Obama should be able to skip the course on rigging elections. It seems elections are a thing of the past.
“Elections? We don’t need no stinkin’ elections!”— Bev Purdue