How to bring up a prenuptial agreement ahead of marriage

Marriage is one of the most important parts of life. As we move into our marriage with the person we love, it feels fantastic to have that union put in place permanently. However, as anyone who has gone through marriage in the past might know, not every marriage is made to last. Sometimes, we marry too soon – or we marry the wrong person entirely. It is a hard balance to get right. 

A lack of proper communication is one of the main problems in a marriage that can lead to divorce. Setting out expectations is very important, which is why discussing a prenuptial agreement is so important.

Yes, this topic can be very hard to bring up. Often, the idea of a ‘prenup’ can stop a marriage proposal dead. Some see it as a precursor to getting divorced in the first place. And the other point some will make is this: if you already want to set the terms of separation, should you be getting married in the first place?

When is the best time to discuss a prenuptial agreement?

The timing is arguably the most important part of raising this particular topic.

The best time to discuss a prenuptial agreement is NOT right before the wedding. Waiting to do this until a week or two before you tie the knot is foolish. Instead, you should focus on bringing this up as your relationship develops. Ideally, this is something that you have cleared the air about before you even get engaged.

Not every relationship works like that, so you need to find the best time. Though, you want to bring this up months – six, at least – before the wedding. It should be brought up gradually, and it should be discussed delicately. State your concerns clearly, and make sure that you are always honest. Do not try and invent a reason that sounds flowery or as if you are simply looking out for your partner.

Raising the topic properly

This is not a nice topic, to be fair, so it is better to discuss it openly and honestly. One thing that you could do that works for many is to go and visit some legal professionals. This could be done under the guise of discussing your options for your marriage, managing assets, etc. – and you can wait until the lawyer brings up the concept of a prenup.

By doing that, the topic comes up naturally and is then something that you can discuss together. This can make it easier to get through the bones of such a confusing, awkward topic. You should be clear that you are happy to hear their side of the story; do they believe that a prenup would be too much? If so, why?

You should also be very clear about whether or not a prenup is a deal-breaker or not for you. If this is so serious that you would not proceed without it, you should be as clear about it as possible. It is better to be honest about this than enter an unhappy marriage where you already feel like there is a power divide that is unhealthy.

Keep these factors in mind, and it might be easier to go through with this discussion. It is still likely to cause some strife and discontent unless you and your partner truly are equally minded on such topics. Do not allow the topic to simply never be discussed, though; if it matters to you, it should be spoken about openly and honestly as a couple.

This gives you the best chance of going through with a happy, open, and transparent marriage that benefits you both today and tomorrow.