Home >> Author Archives: Kyle Becker (page 15)

Author Archives: Kyle Becker

Facing the Support Group: A Post-Comatose Democrat Awakens to the Obama Administration

The creak of a door and the hallway light again spills onto my face. Curled up in a ball on the puffy plastic cot on the floor, sheets of newspaper cover my frail and shivering body.  They crinkle as I roll away from the light. Was it morning? Night? I didn’t know anymore.  All I know is I want someone ...

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Ramblings of a Lunatic: A Post-Comatose Democrat Awakens to the Obama Administration

Alone. A lonely stream of white light shines barren through an iron-grilled window onto the cold tiled floor. Dust particles whirl in the illuminated vapor. The black shadow lines cross the floor’s checkered pattern, forming a clashing array of black and white. I lean back, shoulder blades touching two sides of the wall, and rest in the corner. The bones ...

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Welcome to My Nightmare: A Post-Comatose Democrat Awakens to the Obama Administration

Awake. A halo of bright white light streams into my eyes. All is blurry as my pupils painfully dilate to take in my unfamiliar surroundings. A lamp, some kind of lamp, swings slowly above me. At first, out of focus, but the blurred edges are becoming clearer now. I feel a cold, hard mattress underneath me. It’s crinkly plastic and ...

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Andrew Breitbart: Not Lost in Our Hearts and Minds

The stunning loss of Andrew Breitbart this morning has left a gaping wound in the soul of the conservative movement. The Internet entrepreneur and intrepid soldier for the cause of freedom was a shining example of a leader who was as close and relatable as a family member. While Andrew (Mr. Breitbart was his father, as he might say) cut ...

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The Republican Party Must Restore its Legacy of Expanding Freedom

The Republican Party must reclaim its mantle as the party that expands freedom. The GOP has a deep history of promoting liberty, both at home and abroad, and it must draw on this legacy to gain moral strength and clarity of vision. The party should thus distinguish itself from the progressive Democrat Party if it wants to regain the trust ...

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President Obama Declares War on Eastasia

“We’ve always been at war with Eastasia,” President Obama stammered during his prime-time address, dashing away a bead of sweat from his brow. “I don’t see why everyone’s getting so wee-weed up.” Such began Obama’s defense of his wartime record before a hostile townhall forum packed with far-left groups congregated to mark Compassion Week.  The crowd was largely comprised of ...

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HUD’s “Detroit 2020” Initiative: Nationwide Housing Projects Slated

The Secretary of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) Shawn Donovan has proposed a nationwide system of housing projects. The program would supplement and eventually replace the failing real estate market, which tanked due to predatory lending and speculation. The new housing system would be based on the projects that shelter the inhabitants of inner cities, particularly the needy population of ...

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Democrats Propose “Fairness, Justice, and Racial Equality Tax”

The Democrat Party is seeking to strike another blow for racial and economic justice ahead of the crucial 2012 elections. The Congressional Black Caucus is proposing a progressive “Skin Color Tax and Subsidy” (SCTAS) that would redistribute wealth according to skin pigmentation.  If the bill “The Fairness, Justice, and Racial Equality Tax” is passed into law, the tax would take ...

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Michelle Obama and DHS Join Forces: “Snack Watch” Soon to Hit School Lunch Cafeterias

The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) and Michelle Obama have joined forced to promote an aggressive new school nutrition campaign touted as a cross between “If You See Something, Say Something” and “Let’s Move!”  Dubbed “Snack Watch”  by the administration, the program is intended to eliminate school-age obesity by rewarding children who snitch on their junk food-scarfing classmates. The $432 ...

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Obama Unveils Campaign 2012 Slogan: “We’re Not Socialists”

The president’s bid for re-election kicked off in high style at a posh corporate fundraiser at the Ritz Carlton convention center in New York, minutes away from the Wall Street debauchery that spawned the inspiring Occupy movement. In attendance were top executives from each corner of the corporate world, representing former big backers from his uplifting 2008 campaign: Goldman Sachs, ...

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President Obama Declares Right Not to Work Act

It was a bright, joyous, sunshiny day in the nation’s capital.  The bluebirds were chirping melodically.  The immaculately kempt White House lawn smelled of the greenest spring, as the mid-day warmth stirred the fragrant wafting scent of moist grass clippings.  Seated in impossibly straight rows of little white folding chairs were throngs of adoring admirers decked out in their best ...

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The End of Climate Change?

The scientific community is buzzing with a question ripe with tremendous implications: Can climate change be ended?  President Obama’s crack experts at the Environmental Protection Agency believe it already has been. Momentarily. The president was on the campaign trail when he announced the exciting news that climate may no longer change in the foreseeable future. A transcript from the press ...

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