Home >> Author Archives: Kyle Becker (page 12)

Author Archives: Kyle Becker

Crusty the Dog Relives Becoming Obama’s Dinner

By Jean A. Seersucker, California-licensed extrasensory psychopathologist and state-certified medium, as first published in the Journal of Animal Seance. When my editors gave me the task of attempting to psychically locate a dog’s spirit from over forty years ago, my first inclination was to balk. After all, the animal spirit world was notoriously feisty, and running in a pack of ...

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Exclusive Report: Occupy Movement’s ‘Black Bloc’ Anarchists Demand Government Handouts

Exclusive field reporting by Blaine Dabbley, embedded guerrilla journalist in the Occupy movement’s twelfth brigade and sophomore student in Film Studies at Emerson College, writing for the Vagrant Voice. Fire blazed across the screen of my Mactop pro early Friday evening as black-masked hooligans marched into lower Manhattan carrying torches and wielding Molotov cocktails. Calling themselves the “99% Spring” in ...

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The New Right Declares “War on Morons”

By Dr. Christopher Flappitydo, Director of the Institute for Diversity & Tolerance & Multiculturalism & Compassion & Inclusiveness, as originally published in the New England Agitator. America is facing an epidemic. The GOP’s shock troops on the New Right have launched into a bigoted “war on morons” — a right-wing crusade that threatens the very existence of the Democrat Party. ...

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Refuting the Environmentalists: Industrial Society is a Boon to Mankind’s Life & Health

A lot of the climate of paranoia about industrial society is much ado about nothing. As John Stossel points out so well, much of it is “myths, lies, and downright stupidity.” Industrial society has done more to benefit mankind in terms of quality of life and length of life, than any Luddite “back to nature” movement. If this opinion were ...

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President Obama’s State of the Planet Address

In honor of Earth Day scheduled for April 22, 2012, President Obama delivered a speech before the 12th meeting of the IPCC, entitled “The World Without a Tomorrow: Why We Need Global Governance Now More Than Ever Before Manmade Climate Change Destroys Us All.” The following is a transcript of the president’s remarks: Distinguished members of the United Nations Intraglobal ...

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Obama’s Third Bill of Rights

President Barack Obama, Chairing the 33rd Progressive Internationale held at the “United Nations,” delivered a speech in which he declared a Third Bill of Rights: “We brothers in equality cannot be content, no matter how high or low the standard of living, if some fraction of our people—whether it be one-third or one thousandth or one millionth — is independent ...

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Welcome Back, Carter: A Post-Comatose Democrat Awakens to the Obama Administration

Shuffling into the office at the Institute for Anthropological Research, the smell of musty, acrid yellow-paged tomes filled my nostrils. My flat-soled penny loafers skid over the linoleum tile as my cumbersome feet sought to find the ground beneath me after each step. In my right hand, a tripod walker guided me in to see my colleagues, Ray and Laura, ...

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Failure of the Hive Mind: Manmade Climate Change Not Killing Off Bees

When the government-alarmist complex was at the height of its hubris blaming manmade climate change for everything under the sun, one will have to forgive this “anti-science” right-winger for calling bs. The universal explanation for every undesirable anomaly in the world turned out to be nothing more than a lazy and convenient scapegoat mechanism for placing an indelible mark of ...

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Obama Hosting the Muslim Brotherhood Signals a Dangerous Shift in Foreign Affairs

As the Obama administration hosted delegates from the Muslim Brotherhood, the socialist-Islamist group that rose to political power following the “Arab Spring” revolts, rockets were virtually flying from the Egyptian-controlled Sinai peninsula into the territory of our ally Israel.  As with its terrorist offspring al Qaeda, the timing of the Muslim Brotherhood’s White House visit and the relatively rare rocket ...

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Return of the Living Dead: Environmentalism by Other Means

While the environmentalist hordes have been momentarily beaten back, a recent conference Planet Under Pressure 2012 shows the weakened movement is not liable to give up so easily. Leftists intend to get their money and power by hook or by crook. The manmade climate change agenda is a means to that end. Like every good horror flick, just when you ...

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Barack Obama Gets a Lesson in Humility

Upon assuming the office of the presidency with all the majesty of a newly crowned king, duly ordained by the mainstream media, the secular priesthood of liberal punditry, and the unscrupulously deceived underclass, Barack Obama assumed all the airs of a transcendent president — above the people, the laws, and The Constitution itself.  Decreeing his vision of a fundamentally transformed ...

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Obama Mouthpieces Biden & Clinton Blast Romney’s “Cold War” Rhetoric on Russia

Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden bent over backwards to rebut Mitt Romney’s disparaging remark that Russia is our nation’s “number one geopolitical foe.” Both disputed Romney’s assertions and attacked him for his supposedly outmoded thinking. But the president’s wingmen lacked the “flexibility” of Obama in apologizing to America’s enemies, while our Failure-in-Chief avoids the matter lest he be seen for ...

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Thanking the President: A Racist Conservative Finally Confesses That Obama is Pure Awesomeness

Throughout Barack Hussein Obama’s presidency, racist conservatives (an oxymoron) have suffered through the leadership of a man who is nothing but pure awesomeness. Unfortunately, some of us have been unable to come out of the closet and articulate our appreciation because, well — he’s black. I know, I know. We’re trying to run a respectable establishment here. As long as ...

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