Knucklehead Of The Week: Fredo Achieves What We All Thought Was Impossible… A CNN Suspension

The decision on who to honor as this week’s top knucklehead was a relatively easy one, for a change, with the only real competition being provided by our two honorable mentions. Fredo Cuomo’s suspension from CNN is so improbable, the choice was an easy one. But before we examine the justification for Fredo’s selection, let’s pause for a moment to consider how far the House of Cuomo has fallen in such a short period of time. A year ago today, now-disgraced former New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, Fredo’s brother, was still trying to figure out where to display the Emmy Award he’d been given by the geniuses at the Television Academy. And Fredo Cuomo was patting himself on the back for the role he played as a pretend journalist in defeating Donald Trump on Election Day. My, how far the mighty have fallen.

Winner: Chris ‘Fredo’ Cuomo earns himself an indefinite suspension from CNN.

To fully appreciate how much of a knucklehead one must be in order to be suspended from CNN, consider those who have not received such discipline. Don Lemon has been accused of sexual assault and spent the better part of three years making crap up with the Russia Hoax, yet he hasn’t been suspended. Brian Stelter makes a fool of himself at every opportunity and has lower ratings than reruns of Green Acres, yet he hasn’t been suspended. And Jim Acosta had his press credentials taken away after brushing aside a White House staff member who tried to take back her microphone, yet Acosta was never suspended.

Even CNN Legal Analyst Jeffrey “Loobin” Toobin wasn’t suspended last year after having been caught greasing weazer on a Zoom call with colleagues from The New Yorker. After several of those colleagues reported the incident, Toobin claimed it was “an accident” – and we all know how common it is for someone to accidentally drop their drawers and start spanking their monkey – and then asked for some time off. Toobin was out of work for several weeks, but his sabbatical was technically a “leave of absence,” not a suspension, and Toobin eventually returned to work at CNN. So, what did Fredo Cuomo do that was so egregious to get himself suspended?

Earlier this year, after his brother Andrew’s career began to crumble with one accusation after another of sexual harassment, Fredo worked with his brother and his staff to help craft a public relations strategy to deal with the crisis. In most cases, one brother helping another isn’t just acceptable, it’s admirable. But not when you’re supposedly a journalist, particularly one that happens to work for a news outlet that laughably refers to itself as “The Most Trusted Name In News.”

We’ve known for months now that Fredo was actively helping to shape the news regarding his brother’s scandals, even while he was reporting on that very news, something which is beyond unethical for a journalist. But what we learned this week came from the New York Attorney General’s office, and that in and of itself is troublesome. And what we learned was that not only was Fredo helping Andrew spin the narrative and hold off the onslaught, he was actively working to discredit and/or quiet one his brother’s accusers. And that, friends, is a step too far. Even for CNN.

We could call Fredo’s conduct corrupt, which it is, but it’s more than that. We could call Fredo’s actions ill-advised and kneejerk in his attempt to help his brother, and that may be true. But Fredo’s behavior was more; much more. It was pure stupidity.

Andrew Cuomo was being bombarded daily with new accusations. Fredo should have known someone would call him out on his meddling if they became aware of it. If Fredo had any journalistic scruples, he would have recognized that his involvement was problematic, but he didn’t. And in modern America, Fredo should have recognized that his brother was running straight into the #MeToo buzz saw and backed off to fight another day. But he didn’t and for this reason, Chris “Fredo” Cuomo is a knucklehead.

Finally, for the uninitiated who are unaware of why Chris Cuomo is called ‘Fredo,’ consider the dialogue from this scene from The Godfather II, between Fredo Corleone (John Cazale) and his brother Michael (Al Pacino):

Fredo: Taken care of me?! You’re my kid brother, and you take care of me? Did you ever think about that, huh? Did you ever once think about that? Send Fredo off to do this, send Fredo off to do that. Let Fredo take care of some Mickey Mouse nightclub somewhere. Send Fredo to pick somebody up at the airport. I’m your older brother 

Mike, and I was stepped over!

Michael: That’s the way Pop wanted it.

Fredo: It ain’t the way I wanted it! I can handle things, I’m smart! Not like everybody says… like dumb! I’m smart, and I want respect!

Remind you of anyone? They’ve even got the New York accents like the Cuomo brothers.

Honorable Mention #1: President Biden reminisces about that truckdriver job he never had, again, and then compares current supply chain problem to Beanie Babies.  

It really would be a compelling story if our president had driven a tractor-trailer when he was younger, just like the story of Abe Lincoln having been born in a log cabin. However, this is the second time, at least, since his inauguration that Joe Biden has made this thoroughly debunked claim. Sorry Joe, but you never were a truckdriver, and you were never an astronaut, and you were never Batman either. It’s nice to know you have such a vivid imagination, Mr. President, but maybe that creativity would be better utilized if you used it to figure out a way to put Humpty Dumpty (aka the United States) back together again now that you’ve broken it.

The commander-in-chief wasn’t done putting his knuckleheadedness on display, however. When trying to explain our current supply chain debacle, Biden explained, “[Some] may remember Cabbage Patch Kids back in the ‘80s or Beanie Babies in the ‘90s, or other toys that have run out at Christmas time in past years when there was no supply chain problem.” Seriously… he said that. So, let me help, Sleepy Joe, here’s the difference. Stores ran out of Cabbage Patch Kids and Beanie Babies back then because of irrational demand. Parents were brawling in shopping malls over them. And you’re right, there wasn’t a supply chain problem back then because you weren’t our president. But right now there is a major supply chain problem, and you’re the one who caused it.

Honorable Mention #2: Whoopi Goldberg knows what fetuses want, and don’t you dare suggest otherwise.

For those of us who don’t watch The View – which is to say those of us who aren’t into self-punishment – and are only subjected to its footage when it makes the news, can someone please explain: Why is Whoopi always so angry? She was at it again on Thursday, this time going on a diatribe about the Mississippi abortion case that was argued before the Supreme Court on Wednesday. “Do any of you men have any eggs or the possibility of carrying a fetus?” Whoopi asked, “How dare you talk about what a fetus wants! You have no idea.”

Well Whoopi, to answer your question, no. Us men have neither eggs nor the possibility of carrying a fetus. Nonetheless, we can make a pretty safe assumption about what a fetus wants, or more precisely what a fetus doesn’t want: It seems safe to say that a fetus doesn’t want to be dismembered or sucked through a vacuum hose and killed. Wouldn’t you agree?

Featured photo is a screengrab from CNN.

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