Republicans Want to Kill Kitty Cats

Why is it that the Republican party cannot, for some reason, let loose a candidate who doesn’t make himself look like a horse’s ass whenever he opens his mouth? Here’s what happened:

In New York City last Thursday, a pair of kittens wandered onto subway tracks. The transit authority stopped train service for about half an hour while officers rescued the kittens. Some New Yorkers, showing how the city seems to be populated by one funny-talking sourpuss after another, got upset over the delay, mostly because they missed Jeopardy! The consensus among the angry was that the kitties should have been left to die. Nice going, New York. This is why terrorists blow you up.

The most offending part of this story, however, concerns comments made by Republican mayoral candidate Joe Lhota. When asked if he would have stopped the trains to save the kitties, this Tony Soprano wannabe said, “We don’t stop trains fer kittens, fuhgeddaboutit!” Then, realizing he had made an ass of himself, added that such a decision wouldn’t be made by the mayor anyway, but it was too little too late. His comment ranks as one of the most asinine quotes ever uttered by a Republican, probably worse than Todd Akin’s rape remarks. Is this the best the GOP can do? Does the party expect to win elections with these nimrods? Fuhgeddaboutit! The Democrats just won New York City.

On a side note, we couldn’t help but notice that one of the kittens was black, but President Obama has yet to weigh on on the matter. Perhaps, if Obama had cats, the black cat might be his.

The rescued kittens were taken to a shelter where hopefully they will be adopted by somebody who is not a jerk, but since New York City has a population of almost nine million people, it’s going to be a long wait.

One wonders what the reaction would have been had puppies wandered onto the subway tracks, but it’s also moot point. As Joe Lhota might say, “Neva happen!” Dogs are smarter than cats. They know better.


BRIAN DRAKE is a broadcaster in California and the author of The Rogue Gentleman, a thriller in the tradition of Vince Flynn and Brad Thor. Follow him on Twitter.

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  1. OMG & LOL!

    I hear your logic, Brian, and maybe I’m just missing the satire here but to me it isn’t so much that Lhota is a Nimrod as it is the idiots who make issues out of stupid crap and voters with 2 dimensional brain that could not comprehend more complex issues than Kitty Kats! Little animals with cute fuzzy faces (I hate cats – black or white) get killed every day in much more “heinous” ways than the sudden and instantaneous strike of several tons of speeding metal! It’s Natural Law! But our society is so far out of touch with Natural law that we have actually begun the “repeal” process! Someone call Mother and tell her she is no longer relevant.

    Joe, and many Republican Candidates, still have a sense of the irrefutable fact that Natural Law, Human Nature, and Gravity are all still with us and not going anywhere for the foreseeable future. You go Joe!

    1. Derrell,
      Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. This was, in a way, not to be taken too seriously, but it is a lesson in how to offend most of your electorate. Lhota may as well have said, “God is dead,” or something similar, because, in one way or another, most people have a faith of some kind, and most people like animals. To be so callous toward two innocent little kittens (awwwwwwwwwww……) proves the stereotypical heartlessness Republicans are accused of having.

      You’re right about natural law and all that, but don’t confuse people with the facts. Most arguments these days are won on emotion (see every Democrat talking point) and the Republicans are still trying to win with facts. Facts mean nothing until you’re actually in the office. In the meantime, scare grandma into thinking Romney will end Social Security and promise the sheep they’ll get free healthcare.

      There is another surprise here, of course. Who knew there was a Republican in the mayor’s race? All we hear about is the guy who likes to send naughty pictures of himself to women of questionable character!

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