President Obama Decrees 19 Laws of Economics
President Obama decreed the following 19 laws of economics:
- Everyone should get everything for free without paying for it.
- Anyone should be able to demand that other people work to pay for his wants and needs.
- Making people work to support their own lives is mean and is therefore unnecessary.
- If someone forces others to work for him, it shall be known as slavery. If citizens force others to work for them through democratic government, it shall be called “social justice.”
- If someone wants to keep his own money, it shall be labeled “greed.” If some with less money want to take away from those with more money, that shall be called “fairness.”
- Politicians know more than the people themselves what are their wants and needs.
- Healthcare is a right, so anyone can demand that another citizen provide him free medical treatment on the spot and it is illegal to refuse.
- Housing is a right, so if you don’t have a home, force your neighbor to build one for you.
- Wages are arbitrary, and therefore, everyone deserves a raise.
- Debt is irrelevant, so we’re just going to pretend it’s not there.
- If you don’t feel like working, just retire, because it doesn’t matter how many people are supporting your needs.
- It doesn’t matter what country you’re from, we will give you money, whether or not you put anything into the economy.
- A job is a right, so everyone is now officially working for the government.
- All monopolies are outlawed, except for the government, which has a monopoly of coercion.
- If a citizen takes something by force, it shall be known as theft. If the government takes something by force, it shall be called “redistributive justice.”
- Taxing the rich will pay for all of our wants and needs forever.
- Success shall be punished, and failure rewarded.
- Hard work and talent shall be compensated with higher taxes, and mediocre work and idleness shall be compensated with government handouts.
- The only thing one must do to sustain these laws of economics is to continue voting Democrat.
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(In a perfect(ly absurd) world)
Dear President Obama,
In reference to no. 2, I demand you put down the golf clubs, pull your head out of your nether-region, and work. As we are both members of the democratic government, no. 4 does not apply.
Following your administration’s arbitrary rules of conduct/law, I hereby give myself the title, “politician” and simultaneously give you the title of “pleb”, therefore I know better than you, how you should perform your duties. Continue to report to me for further instruction.