Open the scene at a national lame stream media newscast
News Anchor: “We have a report from the scene that Republican Candidate Herman Cain is attempting to swat a dangerous mosquito. We will be going to our field reporter later in the news cast. This is really big, a man swatting at a mosquito that could knock him out of the presidential race. This is a story that could end a bid for a presidential nomination. More later on that but for now we will take a commercial break.”
Now Behind the scenes, off air, what the viewers can’t see or hear:
Field Anchor: (Laughing) “You should see this guy. I keep telling him there is a mosquito buzzing his head but there isn’t. He’s waving, and waving. This is hilarious.”
Anchor: “You idiot, we have been hyping this story since the beginning of the telecast. We can’t go to the audience and tell them it is a fake story to waste their time and unfairly destroy a career. What are we going to do”?
P.R. Man: “Don’t worry. Just begin to talk about what a pathetic job he is doing swatting at the mosquito”.
Anchor: “They won’t buy that”.
P. R. Man: “Yes they will. Our viewers are so stupid they would believe it was snowing in hell if we had fire, snow, and a guy in a devil suit in the same picture. And we can get the Republican talking heads to agree with us because they want the air time”.
Anchor: “What about the TEA Party and Cain supporters?”
P. R. Man: “Don’t worry about them. We will just call them racists, mosquito-phobes, and Nazi’s, you know, like we usually do. Our viewers will eat that up, all 2% of them.”
Now to the report:
Anchor: “Now we go to our field reporter who is with Herman Cain.”
Field Reporter: “Thank you, anchor. I am here with Republican Presidential Candidate Herman Cain. He is swatting at what he thinks is a mosquito. No one has actually seen the mosquito but it has been reported by anonymous sources that one is actually hovering around his head. What is unique about this story is that he can’t seem to hit the mosquito. He doesn’t seem to be capable of swatting this mosquito because he isn’t holding his hand in the right position. Mr. Cain, you seem to be having a hard time with this mosquito.”
Herman Cain: “I don’t see any mosquito. I don’t hear any mosquito. Where is this mosquito?”
Field Reporter: “Mr. Cain, how does it feel to not be able to swat this mosquito you can’t see or hear?”
Herman Cain: “Do you see a mosquito?”
Field Reporter: “Mr. Cain, there must be a mosquito. We have reports of a mosquito hovering around your head. I don’t need to see the mosquito, it has been reported to exist.”
Herman Cain: (stops waving , frustrated by now) “Do you see a mosquito? Show me this mosquito you keep telling me about and I will swat it. There is no mosquito for me to swat.”
Field Reporter: “Well, Mr. Cain has stopped swatting at the mosquito and has yelled at me. How could he talk to me that way? Mr. Cain, has spoken rudely to this reporter. Now back to the anchor desk” (reporter breaks into sobbing)
Anchor: “Thank you field reporter. Well that was just unnecessary. Not only can Mr. Cain not swat the reported mosquito, he has been gruff to a member of the media. Analyst, what do you think of this little outrage?”
Analyst: “Well it is obvious that Mr. Cain is not very good at swatting mosquitos. Not only can he not swat a mosquito properly, he seemed to get miffed because we kept reporting on a mosquito that wasn’t there instead of listening to what he had to say about the economy. It is painfully obvious to this analyst that Mr. Cain does not realize who he is speaking to. He will learn to bow to us like the other Republicans do.”
Anchor: “Thank you, Analyst, I quite agree. Now a word from our sponsor.”
Off air once again:
P.R. Man: (Comes running in): “That was great. Everyone in every media outlet is talking about how bad Herman Cain is at swatting mosquitos. They have no idea that the reported mosquito doesn’t even exist. And our viewers are all talking about Cain’s mosquito swatting technique. By the time they figure out there was no mosquito Herman Cain will be ruined.”
Anchor: “We really pulled that one off. Everyone is talking about how a man can’t swat a mosquito that doesn’t exist. We have total control of public opinion. I AM ALL POWERFUL!!!! Now the rest of the candidates will bow down to us and be afraid to oppose anything we say. If they do, we can do the same thing to them and all the others will cower before us.” (Maniacal Laughter).
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