Conservative Daily News - The best news, analysis and opinion articles written by a collection of citizen journalists. Covering a range of important topics in blogs, op-ed, and news posts, these upstanding patriots are bringing back American exceptionalism with every entry..

Tag: "satire"

The Democrat Party: About That Messy Democracy Thing…

In a stunning reversal, the Democrat Party has dramatically updated its party platform heading into the 2012 elections. The announcement was made in an email blast under the header “About that messy democracy thing.” Surprisingly, the email stirred little controversy in left-leaning circles. It was apparently sent out several weeks back, but wasn’t even commented […]

On the Couch: A Post-Comatose Democrat Awakens to the Obama Administration

When the Democrat Support Group ended, I felt as lonely and bewildered as at any other time in my life. Instead of giving me approval for my solidly progressive views, the group had scolded me for my supposed “refusal to take responsibility.” And then to make matters worse, the doctor, obviously an educated man, sided […]

Dear President Obama- free ammo!

  Dear President Obama, I applaud that chic who testified before the world that the right to free abortion drugs and contraception is more important than the right to free expression of religion. It helps us see clearly the only other problem that is actually more important: the right to free ammunition. Let me be […]

Right-Wing Bastards Need to Be Silenced for Hate Speech

By Dr. Christopher Flappitydo, Institute for Diversity & Tolerance & Multiculturalism & Compassion & Inclusiveness A recent spate of offensive hate speech spewed forth by right wing-pontificators has led to a never-ending litany of over-the-top racist, sexist, homophobic language. And it is high-time that moderate progressives do something about it! The Koch brother-funded tea party […]

Exclusive Report: America's Economy to be Powered by Obama's Love by 2020

Exclusive Report: America’s Economy to be Powered by Obama’s Love by 2020

In a flailing economy with soaring gas prices, many Americans are feeling the pinch at the gas pump. But help is on the way. A new GAO report concludes that the U.S. economy will be powered by Obama’s love by 2020. Scathing criticisms of past Obama administration reports on energy policy were mainly comprised of […]

Facing the Support Group: A Post-Comatose Democrat Awakens to the Obama Administration

The creak of a door and the hallway light again spills onto my face. Curled up in a ball on the puffy plastic cot on the floor, sheets of newspaper cover my frail and shivering body.  They crinkle as I roll away from the light. Was it morning? Night? I didn’t know anymore.  All I […]

Ramblings of a Lunatic: A Post-Comatose Democrat Awakens to the Obama Administration

Alone. A lonely stream of white light shines barren through an iron-grilled window onto the cold tiled floor. Dust particles whirl in the illuminated vapor. The black shadow lines cross the floor’s checkered pattern, forming a clashing array of black and white. I lean back, shoulder blades touching two sides of the wall, and rest […]

Welcome to My Nightmare: A Post-Comatose Democrat Awakens to the Obama Administration

Awake. A halo of bright white light streams into my eyes. All is blurry as my pupils painfully dilate to take in my unfamiliar surroundings. A lamp, some kind of lamp, swings slowly above me. At first, out of focus, but the blurred edges are becoming clearer now. I feel a cold, hard mattress underneath […]

President Obama Declares War on Eastasia

“We’ve always been at war with Eastasia,” President Obama stammered during his prime-time address, dashing away a bead of sweat from his brow. “I don’t see why everyone’s getting so wee-weed up.” Such began Obama’s defense of his wartime record before a hostile townhall forum packed with far-left groups congregated to mark Compassion Week.  The […]

Michelle Obama and DHS Join Forces: “Snack Watch” Soon to Hit School Lunch Cafeterias

The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) and Michelle Obama have joined forced to promote an aggressive new school nutrition campaign touted as a cross between “If You See Something, Say Something” and “Let’s Move!”  Dubbed “Snack Watch”  by the administration, the program is intended to eliminate school-age obesity by rewarding children who snitch on their […]

Obama Unveils Campaign 2012 Slogan: “We’re Not Socialists”

The president’s bid for re-election kicked off in high style at a posh corporate fundraiser at the Ritz Carlton convention center in New York, minutes away from the Wall Street debauchery that spawned the inspiring Occupy movement. In attendance were top executives from each corner of the corporate world, representing former big backers from his […]

Batboy Named Algae Czar

DISTRICT OF CRIMINALS — Fresh off blowing hot air at the press about the dire need to move U.S. energy dependence from oil to algae, President Barack “Downgrade” Obama today took daring steps, naming Batboy as the nation’s first Algae Czar. In his first official decree, Batboy, who has lived openly in public for 27 years […]

President Obama Declares Right Not to Work Act

It was a bright, joyous, sunshiny day in the nation’s capital.  The bluebirds were chirping melodically.  The immaculately kempt White House lawn smelled of the greenest spring, as the mid-day warmth stirred the fragrant wafting scent of moist grass clippings.  Seated in impossibly straight rows of little white folding chairs were throngs of adoring admirers […]

Lemonade Concessioneers to Unionize Due to ‘Big Mean Government’

Young lemonade stand owners across America have been the subject of government witch hunts for the last few months. Local governments have been shutting down stands owned by children trying to make a little extra summer cash to pay for pet food, toys and trips to amusement parks. The government crack-down has all but dashed […]

People for the Ethical Treatment of .. Rocks

Appearing at a People Against Dangerous Environmentalism (PADE – pronounced ‘paid’) event, former Vice President Al Gore said that the spotted owl, delta smelt and albino salamander are to blame for the warming of the earth. The sudden proliferation of those protected species and the sudden over-reliance upon solar farms and windmills is creating a warming […]