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Tag Archives: satire

White House Dog, Bo: “I’m Voting for Romney/Ryan,” An Exclusive Interview with the First Dog

BoRomneyRyan

“Look, I know, I know…I’m a dog, and I’m supposed to be ‘loyal’ and all that…I get that all the time, but if you’d heard what I heard, and saw what I saw, you could break from some genetically-predispositioned loyalty to your owner too!” – Bo on the 2012 Election October 9, 2012 – Washington, District of Collusion Bo, the ...

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Klobuchar Eager to Return to Washington to Advance Teen Sci-Fi Romance Debate

Minnesota Senator Amy Klobuchar

“My main motivation this election cycle is winning the hearts of Minnesota voters so that I may return to the Senate chambers and push the key debate that is dividing this nation: Werewolf versus Vampire,” – Amy Klobuchar on 2012 Senate Race. September 19, 2012 – Minneapoleft, Minnesota Incumbent U.S. Senator and teen sci-fi romance aficionado, Amy Klobuchar (dyed-in-the-wool D-MN), ...

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Why I Love Barack Obama

i-love-obama

I’ve received complaints about being too hard on President Obama, since he is an exceptionally nice guy, likable, kind-hearted, and well-intentioned to boot. So let me do my best to fashion a love letter to Barack Obama, the way the majority of Americans would have it. Barack, I love that you always follow through with your promises. Like closing Guantanamo ...

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Workers of the World, Let’s Exploit the Rich!

wowguild

Blaine Dabbley, Emerson College branch of the Private College Socialists of America, as recorded in the 31st Internationale’s weekly minutes. While greedy corporatists count their record-breaking profits, we proletarian have been scheming in the shadows, trying to devise a way to exploit the oligarchs who rule this fascist hellhole. And the answer is going to shock and surprise you: we ...

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President Obama Endorses Mitt Romney

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In a move sure to shock the country, President Obama has endorsed Mitt Romney. At an impromptu press conference held at the Waialae Country Club in Honolulu, Hawaii, the president, leaning on a nine iron and slurping intermittently on a cherry-lime Italian Ice, gushed about the former Massachusetts Governor’s qualifications for president. “Mitt’s got a hell of a lot of ...

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You Didn’t Write That!

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After reflecting the other day on an especially magnificent post that I had just completed, just as my pride was about to develop into smug self-satisfaction, Obama’s voice came ringing into my head with that mortifying god echo of his: “You didn’t write that!” At first I was indignant, but then duly chastized. The more I reflected upon it, the ...

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Congratulations! You’ve Just Been Annexed.

ygmlogo

The Obama administration has been thinking out of the Constitutional box as of late. The State Department has masterminded a way to recoup the costs of financing welfare state amenities for the underdeveloped South due to our open border policies: start annexing countries outright. Numerous South American and Latin American dictators woke up in their pajamas to a cup of ...

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Occupy Movement Shouts “May Day!”

windowbreak

Field reporting by Blaine Dabbley, embedded guerrilla journalist in the Occupy movement’s twelfth brigade and sophomore student in Film Studies at Emerson College, writing for the Sentinel Dispatch. It was a rude awakening Tuesday morning when my roommate Seth put his size eleven boot squarely in my jaw. I lay prone and drooling on my unicorn sleeping blanket, unsuspecting of ...

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President Obama’s State of the Planet Address

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In honor of Earth Day scheduled for April 22, 2012, President Obama delivered a speech before the 12th meeting of the IPCC, entitled “The World Without a Tomorrow: Why We Need Global Governance Now More Than Ever Before Manmade Climate Change Destroys Us All.” The following is a transcript of the president’s remarks: Distinguished members of the United Nations Intraglobal ...

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Obama’s Third Bill of Rights

FDR-Obama__roosobama

President Barack Obama, Chairing the 33rd Progressive Internationale held at the “United Nations,” delivered a speech in which he declared a Third Bill of Rights: “We brothers in equality cannot be content, no matter how high or low the standard of living, if some fraction of our people—whether it be one-third or one thousandth or one millionth — is independent ...

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Welcome Back, Carter: A Post-Comatose Democrat Awakens to the Obama Administration

Mountains_and_sunset

Shuffling into the office at the Institute for Anthropological Research, the smell of musty, acrid yellow-paged tomes filled my nostrils. My flat-soled penny loafers skid over the linoleum tile as my cumbersome feet sought to find the ground beneath me after each step. In my right hand, a tripod walker guided me in to see my colleagues, Ray and Laura, ...

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Demz in Da Hood

The entire Democratic House minority has adopted a “wear your hoodie to work” day in solidarity with Congressman Bobbi Rush, who was dragged off the House floor by “da man” after delivering a stirring and extremely lucid speech on the late Trayvon Martin. Rush caused a scandal by breaking House rules on decorum when he sermonized from The Bible while ...

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Obama's Energy Plan: Wind, Water & Algae for America's Future

President Obama unveiled his bold new energy strategy today before christening a Fulton steam barge in Flatbrush, Missouri upon the Mississippi River. The president stood atop a soap box and delivered an address while reading from a hand-cranked teleprompter especially designed to save energy. Thousands of locals gathered to celebrate the carnival-like atmosphere, complete with waterwheel-driven Ferris wheels, windmill-powered carousels, ...

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Guest Photoessay: Obama Youth League Rises from Occupy Movement’s Ashes

Dana Milliband is a photojournalist and beat reporter for the New London Times. His work has appeared in Rolling Stone, Esquire, The New Republic, The Atlantic, and Coffee Drinkers Monthly. The dilapidated shanty towns lovingly erected across America’s towering urban metropolises in protest of rampant Wall Street greed were until recently the sites of many a strident sit-in, raucous drum ...

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Guest Photoessay: Obama Youth League Rises from Occupy Movement's Ashes

Dana Milliband is a photojournalist and beat reporter for the New London Times. His work has appeared in Rolling Stone, Esquire, The New Republic, The Atlantic, and Coffee Drinkers Monthly. The dilapidated shanty towns lovingly erected across America’s towering urban metropolises in protest of rampant Wall Street greed were until recently the sites of many a strident sit-in, raucous drum ...

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