Tag Archives: Parody

The Necrobamacon

bookofthedead

As the armies of Obama zombies mount their ravenous war against the one percenters, their mouths drooling with the red inklike slobber of human blood, the forbidden book at the mysterious power source of the Cthulhu cult has been unearthed — the Necrobamacon.

This mysterious grimoire of arcane magic weaves hypnotic memes of politically correct jargon, undecypherable codes of hypocritical conduct, and the necromancy of class warfare into a single, handy guide to modern liberalism. Its profane contents are hereby put on display for a psychically unprepared public, lest future generations — if there be any — blame us for doing nothing to stem the tide of the Obamazombiepocalypse.

With no further ado, Klaata Baracka Nicto:

The wizard Soroaster has thus cast this spell to enchant the mindless drones to worship The One, who shalt be called Obamus. The book of his incantations shalt be called the Necrobamacon.

Legions of our followers shalt not ask too many questions, nor fight amongst themselves. Feminists shalt fight for equal rights and respect, but shalt not ask too many questions of black gangsta rappers who call them “B*tches” and “Hos.” We shall brainwash them into thinking only their vaginas matter. Abortion is awesome. Free condoms, war on women and ya-ta-ya-ta-ya-ta.

African-Americans shall fight for equal rights and tolerance, except for the gays and the “B*tches” and “Hos” in their rap songs. We will enslave the black people with welfare and drive up their unemployment. Our brightest economic advisers will model the United States on the Democrats’ success in inner city Detroit and Baltimore.

The gays shall be tolerant of all other people, except for the Christians whose churches want to be left out of sanctioning  gay “marriage.” Gay shall no longer mean “happy,” but homosexual.

Convince the many that even though no one has killed a Muslim in the U.S. for revenge against acts of terrorism, and Islamists have killed thousands of Americans, that Muslims are the victimized ones. Even if Muslims slaughter them by the thousand, always act like Christians are the oppressors, and Muslims are the poor oppressed minority — of one billion people worldwide.

The Jews shall adore the Democrat Party, even when it slams Israel and praises Muslims, whose more radical followers are rabidly anti-semitic. Since Israel is made up of capitalist Jews, they shall be responsible for all the terrorists of the Middle East. We will take the Jews’ money and laugh. Ha ha ha.

Latinos shall be convinced that a country that has allowed more than the population of some Latin American countries to immigrate to America without documents is actually a racist society and white Republicans who want to see some ID want to suppress their vote. IDs shall become known as “racist.”

Environmentalists shall be for saving the planet (except from us). Billions will tremble in fear over a trace chemical that doubles as plant food. They will feel the guilt of breathing and pooping without government permission.

We shall make white suburban folks feel ashamed of past sins like slavery and conquering land, which they had nothing to do with. This will make them want to vote for minorities. Any minorities. Just because we said so.

The Democrat Party shalt be for the little guy, except for the individual, who is a selfish parasite of worthless value, and one to be disposed of without a second thought.

We shall take from rich people and give to the poor people; this shall be called “social justice.” The villainous one-percent will not count left-wing directors, producers, actors, singers, and musicians. Or corporate bigwigs who give to the Democrat Party, whose corporations shall be tax-exempt. Or evil billionaire philanthropists. Or people who run left-wing trusts and non-profits.Or green energy titans. Or the prophets of manmade global warming pseudepigrapha. Or even Obamus himself.

Basically, all members of the Democrat Party shalt be exempt from these laws as Obamathustra sees fit.

This law-bringer shall suspend the laws of economics. He shalt turn poverty into prosperity with his magic welfare wand. He shall produce much through the government, and shall raise the GDP levels through sheer charisma. He will charm the deficit away with a devil-may-care grin. Because he is cool, the people will like him, and that means nothing bad will ever happen to them.

Obama shall rule them, and they will be grateful. They will trade their freedoms for the false promise of socialism, and will thank him for the tablescraps he tosses their way when poverty comes upon them like an armed man.

Muppets Denounce Occupy Sesame Street

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Ahead of the Democrat-organized million Muppet march, dissident voices in the puppet collective are speaking out against what they call shameless abuse as “props” of the Obama campaign. Prominent members of the state-enforced Muppet union staged a press conference in which the fuzzy creatures blasted the mainstream media for what they referred to as ‘gross manipulation.’

“We have a lot of diversity in the Muppet camp,” said Kermit the Frog. “But it ain’t easy being green, especially when it looks like global warming stopped 16 years ago.”

“Yes, Kermy,” Miss Piggy weighed in. “I happen to believe the War on Women was a fictional narrative invented by Democrats to cynically target the female audience.”

“Wait, does that mean you endorse Mitt Romney?” asked a breathless Cokey Roberts.

“The only mitt I endorse is the one up my tookus,” Kermit the Frog snapped back.

Baffled journalists looked at each other, not quite getting Kermit’s point.

“Me tired of being called one-percenter for eating all the cookies, nom nom nom,” added Cookie Monster as he crunched a giant chocolate chip cookie. “Muppets disagree with Occupy Sesame Street deadbeats. There is no puppet hierarchy here. Munch munch.”

“But what about Mitt Romney hates cookies?” shouted a reporter from the back of the room.

“Me like cookies, you like stupid questions,” grunted Cookie Monster. “This press conference brought to you by the letter F, nom nom nom.”

“Yeah, and another thing,” grumbled Oscar the Grouch. “Just because I live in a trashcan doesn’t mean I support your wasteful welfare programs. I happen to like trash. And no, I don’t recycle.”

The members of the press corps looked uncomfortable being lectured by three-foot tall furry puppets and were unsure how to respond.

“Rowlf, do you have any comments about the plight of Seamus?” asked a reported desperate for a scoop.

“Are you kidding me, that dog had his day,” Rowlf retorted. “That mutt lived the good life on million-dollar milkbones. I’d be more afraid for Bo ending up as a doggy treat.”

Disappointed reporters started streaming out of the room, unsure how to spin what was seen as an opportunity for promoting Muppet rights.

“And one last thing,” added a towering Big Bird. “If you want to see a real puppet in action, look no further than the Oval Office. Valerie Jarrett, George Soros, Andy Stern, that’s who pulls the strings in this administration.”

“Does that make Big Bird a birther?” snorted Martha Radditz.

“It makes you all dummies of the Democrat Party,” the top Muppet shot back. “Time for you guys to cut the strings and start reporting the news, instead of wasting time obsessing about the land of make-believe.”

Obamandias

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I met a traveler from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal these words appear:
“My name is Obamandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

A parody of Percy Bysshe Shelley’s Ozymandias.

“Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.” — Proverbs 16:18

Parody: Obama Started A Fire

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A direct quote from YouTube’s description of this video:

Laura Freed displays her horrible talent for singing in the hopes people will realize that Obama does not deserve to be re-elected.

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