Tag Archives: Michelle Obama

Did You Watch the Other Debate?

Oh my.  Late night comedian Jimmy Kimmel had a clever idea. Why not ask people about the other debate, ‘the fake one’ he made up, between Michelle Obama and Ann Romney.

He sent out a crew to interview people and get their take on the ‘debate’.

Sure enough plenty of people were willing to share their opinion of the First Lady’s event. And yes. These people can vote.

The American Healthcare Catastrophe: Who’s Fooling Who?

This Administration falsely blames the high cost of healthcare on the American people. They smoke, they drink, they eat too many fatty foods, and they’re fat and lazy, with scheduled form of exercise. This is truly a hilarious act of “audacity” coming from a President and his First Lady, Government Agencies, The United States Senate, Congress and the Supreme Court, together with their Districts enjoying every extravagance, including unhealthy expensive rich meals and desserts at the expense of the taxpayers. The old adage of “Do what I say, but don’t do what I do” is the perfect example of their hypocrisy. 

We watched our President Barack Hussein Obama have a beer and smoke. He was caught on a few occasions lighting up! He and Our First Lady Michele have been noted and documented in indulging some high priced, high powered, unhealthy lunches and dinners, with excessively rich calories. Yet she has the gall to preach and dictate? These acts are usually kept under wraps, because in the eyes of the bought and sold main stream liberal media press, they only report their positives, hardly ever their negatives.

This debacle is obviously portrayed as a two faced insincerity of shaming the public into submitting to their double standards of lies and secret indulgences. They sacrifice nothing, take everything, give back nothing, yet they look at you with a straight face and accuse you, the people, of being greedy and selfish.

Yet, nothing is being said for the hospitals or healthcare facilities that are constantly padding the bills, while occasionally attempting to charge double payments for the same procedure, and sometime succeeding in collecting? No one investigates their escalated inflated costs that they disgracefully charge to the average patient staying, at their facility? Where are their scruples and morals?

No one legitimately investigates their staff, their administrators, for abuses, mistakes, incompetence or laziness causing harm, injury or even death? Misdiagnoses are being left unchallenged and permitted without any recourse, adding to expenses. This only proves that there should be no Tort Reform; because there must be consequences for their actions. That goes for the Doctors, The Hospital, their Employees as well as the Insurance Companies, Government Workers, Committees, and Politicians.

“Tort Reform” would be a good principle, if we have valid, legal protections, against the ineptitudes. Presently, we have “the fox watching the chickens”. There must be a deterrent to unprofessional acts of complacency with possible injury or death? If not monetary, then there must be another form of retribution to reprimand obvious signs of neglect instead of just another collateral damage statistic?

Now with the additional applicants and patients placed into Obamacare, leaving a shortage of home grown American doctors, more foreign physicians will be recruited, into our healthcare system. If we were taught anything from the past, proper credentials and qualifications verification screening of these individuals will be limited or non-existent, making us easy targets to slaughter! The confidence factor no longer exists! We obviously and naturally can’t trust them to police or discipline themselves. We are defenseless except for the right to sue?

We must never give-up our right in seeking proper retribution, for malpractices even though it gives them another bogus excuse to raise healthcare costs. If they were all diligent, professional, truthful and cautious, in a perfect world, in meeting all proper standards, with no man made clumsy mistakes then maybe there could be a compromise, but they’re not!

Nothing is said for the doctors who are employed by the same hospitals ordering countless needless expensive painful tests to their patients, escalating the monetary responsibility to an already exhausted healthcare system. No one says anything about an unknown doctor to the patient, saying “hello, how are you feeling today”, everyday, while they are in the facility and charging that patient a visit every time?te practice who refuses to accept Medicare or any other legally insured provider. Cash up front, the visit must be “Paid in Full”, before you have the privilege of seeing the doctor. No monetary protective limits or caps are placed, you’re at their mercy, paying whatever they demand, while you submit a claim to your Insurance Provider and wait, hoping and praying that they will reimburse you for some of your expenses. Where is the Hippocratic Oath, I guess money and currency comes before their professional honor.

No one attacks the most unscrupulous Shylocks of them all the Insurance Companies. They seem to have a free reign in determining what claims they are going pay or not, with no penalty for their actions. They charge escalated premiums, and aren’t afraid to discriminately raise them, at a moments notice. They have absolutely no remorse to drop you or your family, without due process. Obamacare presently have encouraged these companies to charge more, not less, adversely affecting their customers, placing them further in debt for proper healthcare coverage. Enhanced premiums with constantly decreasing services!

They look for any and all excuses or made-up loopholes not to acknowledge legitimate claims, forcing the customer to submit time consuming appeals, this is not cost effective. They are the most despicable, with everyone turning their backs on these rodents, allowing them to do whatever they want, relying on their compassion and decency. Did you ever know of a rodent displaying or administrating any human qualities? They are in business to make money, at all cost or suffering.

No one mentions the illegal aliens that cross over into our Country with nothing. They have no job. They don’t pay taxes, but are entitled to our healthcare system free of charge, as well as taking advantages of other generous taxpayer entitlements as well. Some come here to solely to use our healthcare facilities, because their own Country’s healthcare is sub-par with no modern day professionals, equipment, procedures or standards. Who will eventually pay their bill, whether in its in our “Present Form” or “Obamacare”, you the taxpayer!

The arrogance of this President, His Administration, the Socialist Marxist Liberal Democrats and The Progressives, authorizing the vicious destruction of Medicare, by robbing from Peter to pay for Paul is an abomination. Remember more than a Half Trillion Dollars will be removed from the Medicare budget to pay for Obamacare. This will coercively compel all those Medicare recipients, to submit to the inferior control of Obamacare, whether they like it or not! Anyone with a half a brain must realize this will adversely affect anyone on Medicare, and the Medicare system?

There is no rhyme or reason to Obamcare, and there was no rhyme or reason to our present day healthcare situation, both reek with the stench of greed, corruption misstatements, mismanagement and abuses unchained. Don’t allow them to blame us for their own self induced faults of using our life and death situations into a money making scheme. The first thing anyone does who is guilty is to spread the blame, taking the spotlight off of them. So we are constantly fed this non-sense, of believing that we are the number one culprit for the high cost of healthcare instead of these gluttonous, voracious maggots, mentioned in this article.

We the people must have a say in our own destiny, especially healthcare, don’t allow them to fool you twice, if they do, shame on you. Always question authority, always ask for a second opinion, and especially don’t blindly trust. We are Americans, and it’s about time we start acting and living as free proud Americans? God Bless America !

William P. Frasca
Copyright 2012

Michelle Obama Likes To Party All The Time

Michelle’s Last Four Years – Lest We Forget

There is a reason the current First Lady is often called Michelle “Antoinette” Obama.

From the YouTube description:

The last Aspen vacation info is interesting. To give you an Idea how hard people had to work to get all this information here is just one example:

“Judicial Watch elaborates:

-The total cost for the Aspen ski vacation was at least $83,182.99.
-The bill for the U.S. Secret Service, including accommodations at the Fasching Haus deluxe condominium and the Inn at Aspen, was $48,950.38.
-The cost for the flight, per official DOD published hourly rates, was $22,583.70. Food and miscellaneous on-flight items cost $235.44. The cost for rental cars totaled $6,442.23.
Key details, including flight records for the Secret Service detail and the names of individuals who accompanied Mrs. Obama on the vacation, were redacted from the documents with the exception of two staffers. One was Meredith Koop, her personal assistant and style advisor, the other was her scheduler Kristen Jarvis.
“No wonder we had to file a lawsuit in federal court and wait six months to get basic information on Michelle Obama’s luxury Aspen vacation,” said Judicial Watch President Tom Fitton.

“The costs of the Obama family ski weekend are staggering. These high-priced luxury vacations, and the lack of transparency about them, are beginning to seem like an abuse of office.””

The exact cost is unclear as Mrs Obama and her 40 friends footed many personal expenses, such as hotels and meals themselves.
But the U.S. taxpayer would have paid for the First Lady’s 68-strong security detail, personal staff, and use of presidential jet Air Force Two.
Per diems for the secret service team runs at around $281 each – nearly $98,000 for the length of the summer break.
Use of Air Force Two, the Air Force version of a 757, comes in at $149,900 for the round trip. This does not include time on the ground.
Mrs Obama’s personal staff, of which there are an unknown amount and might cost considerably more per day, should also be taken into account.

According to the Hawaii Reporter, the bill for the $1.5m trip included:
$63,000 on an early flight bringing Mrs Obama and the children to Hawaii ahead of the President.
$1,000,000 on Mr Obama’s return trip from Washington on Air Force One.
$38,000 for the ‘Winter White House’ beach property rental.
$16,000 to rent nearby homes for Secret Service and Navy Seals.
$134,000 for 24 White House staff to stay at the Moana Hotel.
$251,000 in police overtime.
$10,000 for an ambulance to be on hand at all times

Mrs Obama and her daughters stayed at the Sebastian hotel on Vail Mountain, where rooms cost more than $2,400 for multi-bedroom suites.
The family appear to have flown there on Air Force Two.
They were escorted to the resort by a motorcade of about a dozen vehicles, including 15 state and local law enforcement officers

The Blue Heron Farm estate, where the Obama family are currently staying, rents for about $50,000 a week.
According to U.S. News and World Report, the Coast Guard is required to keep ships floating near the property, the presidential helicopter and jet remain at the ready and security agents will be on 24-hour duty.

President Eye Candy

Barack and Michelle Obama made an appearance on The View, trying to drum up the female vote, and the president told Barbara Walters he was just “eye candy” for the appearance. In truth, that just about sums it up for his presidency as well. Forget substance and leadership qualities, America wanted a “cool and sexy” president, and she got nothing but eye candy.

H/T Breitbart

Students Mock Michelle Antoinette Obama: ‘We Are Hungry’

The Blaze has the story behind this video that’s gone viral, which mocks Michelle Obama’s new school lunch mandate.

This story is personal for my family.

In previous years, I would give my children a snack when they came in from school, but this year, from the very first day they came in starving! At first I thought it may be due to earlier lunch schedules than previously, or something of that nature. However, as we talked to the kids about their lunch, it hit me that Michelle Antoinette Obama’s mandates are now in effect. I now have to give my kids lunch when they get home. They still eat their dinner, with no problem at all. It’s obvious they are not being fed enough at school. However, there are those that do not think Michelle has gone far enough in her mandates, and have petitioned the USDA to ban  milk from school lunches.

Now that I know my kids are not the only ones who are hungry, I think it’s time I start sending them to school with a lunch box… loaded with LOTS of cookies on the side!


I Know Who Said to Take Out God and Jerusalem from the DNC Platform

Ok. So I don’t exactly know, but I can offer an educated guess. Before we get into that, a little background is necessary.

DonkeyHotey (CC)

Let’s go back to 2003. Back then, James Moore was starting his own little cottage industry on the back of Karl Rove. That “other-Moore” released a couple books, and one was made into a movie – “Bush’s Brain.” Of course, the whole marketing scheme was that George W. Bush couldn’t possibly be smart enough to do it all by himself. Rove was the puppet-master, and he was ruthless political operator manipulating the hapless Bush. Liberals ate this up with relish, and for at least a little while, they actually knew who Rove was (now, they apparently don’t, outside the Beltway at least.) Why was this idea so popular? Well, Bush did it to himself, in some ways. There just had to be someone very smart helping him along the way. How else could a former frat-boy make it to 1600, daddy being a previous resident notwithstanding?

Just a year later, Barack Obama comes on the national scene, at that year’s DNC convention. Of course this charismatic man was being groomed to run for the presidency. Everyone knew it, just as we can easily predict the rising stars in the GOP today. But how did Obama get there, and more importantly, how did he get into the White House? We all looked at Bush’s pedigree, and the left immediately leaped on any perceived deficiencies they could, leaving a huge market for Moore’s books on the topic. But, that was just a couple years into Bush’s first term. Only now are the Republicans starting to really delve into the past of the elusive Obama. Hopefully, it’s not “too little, too late.”

Instead of Moore, there’s Richard Miniter, and his book, Leading from Behind: The Reluctant President and the Advisors Who Decide for Him. I humbly suggest that it was no coincidence that the phrase “leading from behind” was used more than once on the floor of the RNC convention, by no less than Condi Rice, for one. This book suggests that there isn’t just one Rove in the background pulling strings in the current administration, but no less than three. That is, if you are only going to count the women.

In turns, Obama was (and still is) influenced highly by certain women in his life. That list includes Michelle Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton, and Valerie Jarrett. While both Michelle and Pelosi obviously have some sway in Obama’s world all the time, admittedly Pelosi’s real time of influence was during the debates and passage of the Healthcare Reform Act. No one is likely to forget her infamous “we’ve got to pass it to know what’s in it” plea, and Miniter actually contends that we should be referring to that legislation as “Pelosi-Care,” not Obamacare, to give credit where it is actually due. As for the current debacle with the platform, it’s highly unlikely that either Michelle or Pelosi would have suggested such a thing as removing reference to God and Jerusalem.

So, that leaves Hillary Clinton and Valerie Jarrett to consider. Sure, it’s possible that both of these women had a hand in this, for different reasons. While all the Dems have been making hay about Bill Clinton’s speech at the convention, I’ve been quietly considering Romney’s response to it. It really wasn’t a very good speech for Obama. If nothing else, Bill Clinton is good at smiling while delivering an obscure insult. It could be argued that is precisely what that speech was. Does anyone really think that Bill forgot about Reagan’s inheritance from Carter, and what he did with it? If you do, you must be a Democrat. So yes, there is a strong argument for Hillary suggesting, or at least supporting, the removal of the reference to God and Jerusalem in the Democratic Platform. Or you could buy into Alan Dershowitz’s contention that it’s the result of “rogue elements”. Not very convincing, however, it is interesting to consider Dershowitz’s opinion on Hamas.

And that leaves Valerie Jarrett. She is arguably the one that conservatives should be calling “Obama’s Brain.” And just who is she, really? To hear it from the Obama’s, she’s a very old friend. Considering they met sometime in the 1990’s, it does make one wonder what it takes to become an “old friend.” Otherwise, Jarrett resides in Rove’s old office, and some might even say that she has greater access to and influence on Obama than Rove ever did with Bush. And, by all accounts, Jarrett is a radical left-wing political player, and probably the biggest proponent of secularism in the current administration. Miniter’s book does cover the history of Jarrett and the Obama’s such as can be gleaned from the few that are willing to talk about her. Of course, it’s not likely anyone will get many statements on her going forward, and certainly not from anyone like Robert Gibbs, who she probably caused to end up outside the White House.

So, my bet is on Valerie Jarrett being the culprit, and there is no way it was a typo. And, like many other mistakes in this administration, there never was any intention for there to be a real vote on the issue on the floor of the convention. The fact that the delegates actually spoke their minds had to be highly annoying to Obama. After all, the only deity he wants to see people worshiping is him, right?

DNC Schedule: Day 3

9 a.m.-10 a.m.: Morning Prayer Gathering (Room 211AB/212AB).

10 a.m.-2 p.m.: Caucus Session 1. Women’s Caucus (Ballroom ABC).

2 p.m.-4 p.m.: Caucus Session 3. Rural Council (Room 203AB).

11:35 a.m.: First lady Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden will speak at the Women’s Caucus Meeting.

11:45 a.m.: International Leaders Forum: Madeleine Albright; Michele Flournoy; Jack Lew, White House chief of staff.

12 p.m.-2 p.m.: Caucus Session 2. LGBT Caucus (Room 203AB). Senior Council (Room 211AB/212AB).

12:10 p.m.: Dr. Jill Biden will speak at the LGBT Caucus meeting.

1 p.m.-3 p.m.: The Rev. Al Sharpton and the National Action Network will host the nation’s prominent black clergy and civil rights leaders at NAN’s ministers’ luncheon to declare a state of emergency over voter suppression. Participants: the Rev. Al Sharpton, president of NAN and MSNBC host; Rep. Emanuel Cleaver, chairman of the Congressional Black Caucus; the Rev. Dr. W. Franklyn Richardson, chairman of the Conference of National Black Churches; the Rev. Freddie Haynes, senior pastor of Friendship-West Baptist Church; Roslyn Brock, chairwoman of the NAACP; John Kee, gospel singer.

2 p.m.-4 p.m.: “Electoral Dysfunction” screening — After discovering that the Constitution does not guarantee the right to vote, political humorist CBS correspondent Mo Rocca sets out on a road trip to see how voting works — and doesn’t work — in America.

8 p.m.: Web-only convention special hosted by actor Kal Penn that will include interviews with campaign officials and guests, including Marc Anthony, Elizabeth Banks, Aisha Tyler, Olivia Wilde, Fran Drescher, Zach Braff and Alexis Bledel.

The 2012 Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, North Carolina

Charles Krauthammer “Didn’t Buy a Line” of Michelle Obama’s 2012 DNC Speech

First Lady of the United States Michelle Obama delivering her 2012 DNC speech

Following first-lady Michelle Obama’s speech last night, nationally syndicated Conservative Columnist Charles Krauthammer, he displayed his displeasure with the speech, saying he “didn’t buy a line of it.”

Obama’s speech began with the account of her and Barack’s early life as a couple, and how they became the couple they are today. In the speech, Michelle recalled when her husband picked her up for their first date in a rusted out car, and how together they owed more in student loans than they did on their mortgage.

“I know from experience that if I truly want to leave a better world for my daughters, and all of our sons and daughters, and if we want to give all our children a foundation for their dreams and opportunities worthy of their promise…if we want to give them that sense of limitless possibility – that belief that here in America, there is always something better out there if you’re willing to work for it…then we must work like never before,” she said with a very excited crowd.

View Krauthammer’s analysis of the speech here:


Krauthammer commented:

“She told the story of a Gandhi, and you know…looking at how he’s conducted himself in the present scene, particularly in the campaign, with ruthlessness, and determination and drive, it’s not quite a plausible story. I’m sure in the arena it was a plausible story, I saw the tears, but I‘m afraid I didn’t … I’m sure it was a great speech but I didn’t buy a line of it.”

However just because he didn’t think it was a genuine speech, that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t an effective one:

“Nonetheless I would say within that, and despite the repetition that have, Michelle Obama’s speech I thought was a brilliant speech, and brilliantly delivered… All of the other speakers would talk about what Obama does — the achievement and legislation and whatever, and the political implications. Her whole task was to say why, her answer was, ‘Why? Because essentially he’s a saint. Because of his upbringing and because of his emotions and because of his humanity he does this because he cares and the brilliance of it is this.’ It drained Obama of any ideological motivation or any having to do with self-interest or ambition, which I think is sort of more plausible explanation.”

Follow Chris On Twitter

He gave her Vacations and Some Buns of Steel. . . She was proud of Her Time on The Hill

Folks, here´s a story about Michelle the Moocher
She was a Chicago red hoochie-koocher
She was the roughest, toughest frail
But Michelle had a butt as big as a wha-a-le

Heedey-hee-dee-hee-dee hee

She messed around with a Barry named Obama
She loved him though he was more like her mama
He took her down to Choomtown
He showed her how to choom the weed around

Heedey-hee-dee-hee-dee hee

She had a dream that the Commie in Charge
He gave her things that made her quite large
He gave her vacations and some buns of steel
She was proud of her time on The Hill


He gave her some lobsters and her bills he had met
Each time she ate up zoomed the national debt
She had a million dollars worth of nickels and dimes
She sat around and counted them all a million times

Heedey-hee-dee-hee-dee hee

Now Michelle and Barry, they started Moochin’
They got a free ride in a limo they hoochin’
She gave him money to pay her bail
But he left her flat in the White House jail

Whoooa, yeaaaah
Hey de he de he he
Whoa Whoa

Poor Michelle met old Oprah Lowdown
She preached to her that she ought to slow down
But Michelle wiggled her jelly roll
And Oprah Lowdown yelled, “Barry save my soul!”

Hi de hi de hi de hi
Ho de ho de ho de ho
Skiddley doodley doodly do
Skiddly diddly day

They took her where they put the crazies
Now poor Michelle is kicking up those daisies
You’ve heard my story this is her song
She was just a good Moocher, but they done her wrong

Hi de hi de hi de hi
Skooby de be do
He de he de he de he
Whoa, Whoa Whoa

Poor Michelle, Poor Michelle, Poor Michelle.

Obama Gov’t: Eat Your Peas.

First Lady, Michelle Obama has a new book out, American Grown. The book is about her White House garden and including children in growing vegetables. She believes, as do many parents, that the more children are involved in shopping the better food choices they will make.

A closer look at two of the interviews Tuesday does raise an interesting question. Is Mrs. Obama using her platform as First Lady to push for additional government intervention into family diets? Is the private restaurant industry being intimidated to change its menu? Here are two clips, the first from Good Morning America and the second, only hours later on The View. You be the judge.

Michelle Obama ABC Interview (quote begins at 2:45)

“This isn’t about government telling people what to do,” she said. “What we know we need to do is give parents, communities and families the tools and information they need to make choices that are right for them. And there’s no one-size-fits-all solution.”

Contrast this statement to the interview on The View (quote begins at 2:39)

“We’re asking everybody to step up to the plate. We’ve seen grocery stores and manufacturers reformulate their product. We’ve seen restaurant chains change their kids’ menus. We’ve got a new nutrition, nutrition legislation passed in Congress. We’re going to see, the first changes in 30 years, the standards of school lunches. They’re going to be implemented this fall.”

No one argues that healthier menus at home and when dining out are good but are these changes being made due to consumer request or due to pressure from this administration? Even the First Lady seems to be conflicted.


Michelle’s new book is “Gardening as a photo-op”

As if anyone believed that Michelle Obama was going to be caught dead working in a garden or actually writing a book, the Gaurdian’s Emma Keller was obviously disappointed with the First Lady’s attempt at a gardening book.

Michelle Antionette’s new foray into the literary world is entitled “American Grown: The Story of the White House Kitchen Garden and Gardens Across America” and while ill-titled, why bother to write the book at all?

The book is either an afterthought, a forced effort or just a publicity stunt with minimal risk. As Ms. Keller put it “If the first lady’s book lacks soul, it’s because her heart isn’t in it.” Then again, what is her heart in – other than expensive taxpayer-funded vacations, dinners and a large house with lots of servants?

Rumors have been rampant that Mrs. Obama isn’t even all that thrilled with being Mrs. Obama or the the First Lady. Her comments on “finally” being proud of her country only because of her husband’s achievement went further into understanding that narcissism extended further than just the President.

This book has nothing to offer gardeners- current or future. As Emma Keller wrote, “This book is gardening as photo-op and as such it’s a little stomach-churning.”

Obama Personally Rebukes Rosen’s Remarks

We told you previously that the Obama administration was distancing itself from the Left’s hateful rhetoric.  Now the president, himself, has decided to speak on the subject.

From The Huffington Post:

President Obama weighed in Thursday on the kerfuffle over Democratic strategist Hilary Rosen’s recent comments, saying that “there’s no tougher job than being a mom.”

“Anybody who would argue otherwise, I think, probably needs to rethink their statement,” Obama told Bruce Aune of ABC’s Cedar Rapids affiliate KCRG.

On Wednesday evening, Rosen, once an employee of the Huffington Post, claimed that Ann Romney, wife of GOP frontrunner Mitt Romney, had “never worked a day in her life,” referring to whether she understood women’s economic struggles. The comments came amid an ongoing spat between the Obama and Romney campaigns about which candidate has the best record on women.

Ann Romney responded with her take on Thursday, painting Rosen’s comment as a claim that being a mother wasn’t actually “work.”

“She should have come to my house when those five boys were causing trouble,” said Romney, laughing, “it wasn’t so easy.”

Obama told KCRG that he doesn’t “have a lot of patience for commentary about the spouses of political candidates” such as Ann Romney.

Even First Lady Michelle Obama issued a comment, apparently in response to Rosen’s claim.

“Every mother works hard, and every woman deserves to be respected,” she tweeted Thursday.

Night at The Barrys

“Am I at Sears— in the Craftsman Department? There sure seem to be a lot of liberal tools here today.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! My name is Al Gore and I approve of this massage! We are gathered here tonight for this auspicious inaugural presentation of The Barrys, the premiere annual awards ceremony of the world’s leftist movement—and I use the term “movement” in its loosest sense of the word. Oh, sorry Anthony Weiner, you’re not up for any awards tonight…the operative word here being “up.” Just kidding, Anthony, I’m sure the Academy of the Bourgeoisie will deem you worthy of at least a minor award for Stand-up Comedy in an Unsupportable Role. Don’t let it go to your head, Anthony. We both realize your performance wasn’t really award-worthy. But, just like you, we decided to bend the rules a little this season, be a little less rigid, and see what pops up!

[The crowd goes stark-raving mad.]

“Knock it off, you guys. Anthony Weiner is a stand-up guy.

“Oh, did everyone hear about the giant lobster that was snared off the coast of Maine earlier this week? I understand it sounds exactly like Lady Gaga if you drop it in a pot of boiling water! Gaga or Caca? I never could get the pronunciation straight. Which seems only fair considering this is Barney Frank’s swan song. Speaking of Barney Frank, have you heard what kind of wedding gown he will be wearing? Wait for it. Drum roll, please…he’ll be wearing a hospital gown with a lace bodice! Rimshot! Thank you, folks, I’ll be here all week! Oh, sit down Barney. I’m almost done here. The end is in sight!

“It’s great to see you here tonight, Jay Carney. Say, are you old enough yet to drink? Yeah, I remember when I had my first beer, too. Guys, is it just me or does it strike you as odd that Doogie Howser is now the White House Press Secretary? Say, Jay, just what kind of a puppet are you? Is someone pulling your strings? Yeah? Well, then how to you explain that flap in the back of your pants? Really, Jay, you want me to shut up? Man, I’m offended! Fine, I’ll try to explain it to you, okay? Look, Jay, if you find yourself at a party full of liberals and have nothing to say, you may just be a little anti-socialist!

“Ladies and gentlemen, ever wondered why Michelle planted a garden at the White House? It’s simple, really. Barry needs to grow a set of vegetables! You remember Barry, don’t you? Obama the brilliant? So brilliant he glows (grows) in the dark! Speaking of growing in the dark… Mushroom. When Michelle gets in the limo there’s not mushroom left!

“♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ Some people claim that it’s Booooosh we should Blaaaaame… But I know… It’s the jug-eared-Marxist-corruptocrat- dope’s own fault! ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬.

“That concludes tonight’s opening monologue. [Riotous cheering]  You’ve all walked the red carpet (is there really any other kind?) to get in here and now it is time to present our award winners. Ladies and gentlemen I give you Al Sharpton and Maxine Waters, our first set of presenters!”

[Wild applause]

Sharpton: “Maxie, is it true that your parents are siblings?”

Waters: “Put a cork in it, Al, or I’m going to bring Tawana up here to give her side of the story.”

Sharpton: “Ahem. We are here tonight to present the award for Writing (Original Propaganda).”

Waters: “Nominees are:

  • Hair Plugs—Written by Joe Biden.
  • Once Upon a Time in First Class—Written by Alec Baldwin
  • A Taco Too Far—Written by Michael Moore
  • My WikiLeaks!—Written by Julian Assange
  • Debbie Does Doofus—Written by Debbie Wasserman Schultz.”

Sharpton: “The envelope, please.”

Waters: “Here you go, Al!”

Sharpton: “Thank you.”

Sharpton seizes the envelope, which is nothing but a symbol of oppression because it doesn’t take into account the needs of the proletariat, and tears it open. “And the winner is…Debbie Does Doofus—Written by Debbie Wasserman Schultz!”

Waters: “Oh, I’m soooo excited! Debbie Does Congress, too! And while she’s making her way to the stage let me tell you that Debbie almost makes Howard Dean seem reasonable! Oh, yeah, Debbie Does Demagoguery, as well!”

Sharpton: “Gotta say this for Debbie Downer…at least she admitted that Anthony Weiner was beatable!”

Waters: “And here she is, members of the Academy! Debbie needs no introduction. This woman puts the capital L in Loon! Her belfry is wanting of bats…But hey, if you makes you libs happy…”

Wasserman-Schultz: “I resent the allegation by the Republican Party Chairman that I look like a poodle on crack. I also take umbrage with another nasty rumor going around that I am nothing but a Brillo Pad with lips! In fact, I am totally offended by the lies that are being spread by the fear-mongering worms on the other side of the aisle about each and every one of us! Why, just this morning I heard the obnoxious statement that four out of five liberals suffer from diarrhea but the other one enjoys it! Nevertheless, I deem it an honor to have been recognized for my work this past year as Chairwoman of the Democratic National Committee. I may have received this award but it belongs to us all. Well, everyone except Alec Bardwin: the Rosa Parks of fat white middle age celebrity millionaire First Class cabin iPhone addicts. I beat you, Alec!

Wasserman-Schultz stomps off stage, afraid that her tightly-wound hair might come un-kinked before she can exit stage left. Sean Penn and Richard Gere approach the podium to present the next award.

Penn: “You may have noticed that my co-presenter looks a little stressed out tonight. Nothing serious, folks, but FYI, Richard had to go to the hospital again last night. He had to get a mole removed.”

Gere: “No offense to my esteemed colleague, but I’m not the only one feeling sick tonight. Have you heard that Hugo Chavez has gone back to Cuba for more surgery?”

Penn shows the appropriate amount of righteous concern. Camera fades back to Gere.

Gere: “Yeah, Chavez is feeling so bad these days that he looks like an extra evil Joy Behar.”

Penn: “Getting down to business, Richard and I are here to present the award for Best Commie in a Supporting Role.”

Gere: “The nominees are:

  • Van Jones in “Bovine Spokesman”—Nominated for his demonstrated fluency in speaking bull
  • Sonia Sotomayor in “I Refuse to Recuse”—Nominated for her courageous defense of ObamaCare
  • Michelle Obama in “They’re Not Heavy, They’re my Butt Cheeks”—Nominated for excellence in licking fat from a frying pan
  • Nancy Pelosi in “It’s a Stretch. Autobiography of a Botox Queen”—Nominated for proving that aliens do indeed live among us
  • Ted Kennedy in “Sobriety, the New Paradigm”—Nominated on behalf of his deceased liver which taught us all that he could liquor.

Penn: “And the winner is…Michelle Obama!”

Gere: Unbelievable! I’m so proud of my country tonight!”

Penn: “It was an admirable selection considering that Michelle is not a wise Latina woman. Come to think of it we aren’t even sure if she is a woman at all!”

The newly reinforced stairs creak under the strain as Michelle lumbers up on to the stage.

Michelle: “Give me lobsters or give me death!”

[An embarrassed hush falls over the auditorium.]

Michelle: “Uhhhh….oops. Wrong speech! That’s for tomorrow night in the Barbados down at Bennie’s Crab Shack and Fundraiser!”

[The crowd goes wild as Michelle recovers nicely from that little pratfall.]

Michelle: “I’d like to thank all the little people. I couldn’t have done it without you. I especially couldn’t have done it without the press corpse—which reminds me, Helen Thomas looks like a possum hugging an evil sweet potato. Speaking of yams and such last week Barry walked into a bar with a duck. The bartender spotted them coming in through the door and said “Where did you get the jackass?” My husband felt obliged to explain to the bartender that “It’s a duck.” The Bartender replied “I was speaking to the duck!”

“Let me tell you, it isn’t easy being the First Lady. In fact it can be downright dangerous. Just last month I was on vacation in the Amazon rain forest and I started a forest fire just because I was wearing a pair of corduroys!

“As you know I’m in the middle of my anti-obesity campaign. It is my commitment to bio-genetic diversity that keeps me going. But this important work certainly has its challenges. Why, right now my Gene Splicer is busy making a golem using genes from Billy Mays and Joe Biden. It shouts while projectile vomiting someone else’s slime—which is rather messy but also quite rewarding for me as I am used as a secret weapon by my husband’s re-election campaign.

“Thank you all for his honor. It was such a surprise! I’m humbled. I’m proud. And yes, I’m hungry! I love you all. Supercalifragilisticbarryisatrocious! I try to live by the adage: You scratch my back; I’ll let you know when to stop!”

A forklift enters stage right and hauls Michelle off to dinner at Luigi’s. Hear that crumbling sound? It’s just civilization, that’s all.

Al Gore appears on stage once more and says “I have the pleasure of presenting to you the most prestigious trophy of them all. The nominees for Best Bolshevik are:

  • Barry O’Bama in “My Little Irish Wedding
  • Hugo Chavez in “Go to the Light!
  • Anthony Weiner in “Unerectable
  • Hillary Clinton in “Shut up, Chelsea. You’ll Never be the Man your Mother is.”
  • Janet Reno in “Face Donor.”

[A murmur of excitement fills the hall as the highlight of the night arrives.

The suspense is palpable.]

Al Gore decides to prolong the moment by telling a little joke. “Which of the following does not belong: AIDS, gonorrhea, herpes, or Barack Obama? Gonorrhea — it can be cured!”

Al Gore, noticing Barry in the front row, center, continued down an ill-advised road. “Hey, Barack, as Johnny Carson once observed about people like you “He couldn’t ad lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner!”

Gore saw time was running out and, wanting the award to be presented in prime time, got down to business. “And the winner is…ready for it? And the winner is…Barry O’Bama!”

As if there was any doubt. You don’t hold an awards ceremony named after yourself unless you also rig the election.

Barry runs up on the stage, looks at the worthless brass and wood trophy shaped like a Chevy Volt and cries “Wow! I could have had a V-8 instead!”

As Barry left the stage, crying in his beer, Al Gore had one last quip. “I can’t wait for the USS Obama…it’ll cost a trillion to build, veer sharply to the left and be registered to another country! Good night, folks. See you next year!”

« Older Entries Recent Entries »