Numerous South American and Latin American dictators woke up in their pajamas to a cup of real 100% Columbian coffee and a message from the State Department: You’ve got mail.

After clicking through the banner suggesting donations for Obama’s re-election campaign, the tin despots encountered the following message:

Congratulations! You’ve just been annexed.

Now, there’s nothing more you need to do. Statewide elections for representatives to the House of Representatives and Senate will begin in five days. Your receipt of this email is confirmation of your immediate resignation.

We would appreciate a kind word endorsing the Democrat Party (just saying).

You see, we expect to have our House held hostage by the Republican Party after our own November elections, and we need all the help we can to restore the government to the people. The Senate is likewise in danger of being captured by the authoritarian GOP party, and we need your two seats to maintain the status quo of transformational change. Consider this an act of liberating your people, if you will.

Kindly transfer all treasury funds by check or money order to Hillary Clinton c/o The State Department, USA (we sent half of it to you to begin with).

Your population now has a pathway to American citizenship, and for that your lawless and corrupt government should be thankful.

Warmest regards, Hillary

P.S. Obama/Biden 2012, Clinton/Wasserman-Schultz 2016

P.S.S. Dilma, if you see my husband in Rio on behalf of the CGI, please do keep an eye on him (and don’t try any funny business).

Ironically, there are now officially 57 states, with one left to go.

Author’s note: The above is satire. It is a fictionalized account intended to elucidate certain ideas and principles by taking them to absurd lengths. It is not intended to be taken literally.