## Government Mathematics 101a

No wonder our kids need remedial reading and math upon entering college in many states and also why we are number 47 in the world in math.

The way the government works, a number is not from another world but another dimension (insert the “Twilight Zone” theme here.) Just amazing!

Nancy Pelosi says, “Every dollar we spend on unemployment puts two dollars in the system.” Really? In what universe? Under government math, if Susie has 3 pieces of cake and Johnny only has 1 there is an obvious inequity. The fact that Susie’s daddy is a banker and Johnny’s daddy is a cab driver obviously means that Johnny hasn’t had the same opportunities as Susie. This means we need to find Frankie because he always has 4 pieces of cake. He’s looking a little chunky so we need to save him from himself and give one of his pieces to Johnny. Then we need to take one from Suzie and give it to Johnny as well. Now Johnny won’t feel bad because based on government math, everyone has been equalized. Confused? I am writing it and I’m confused.

But this is government math!

They want us to believe that over 92 million people have left the work force. They will tell you it’s because many have retired, some are on disability, and other moronic excuses. We need to create 200,000+ jobs a month to maintain a level of economic misery that’s tolerable. Last month we created 73,000 jobs. Most were temporary jobs, go figure, Christmas, holidays, and all that. But, 535,000 people left the work force bringing that number to over 91 million. Wait a minute, what?

Did a million people leave the planet, die off, hit the lottery, crawl under a rock? Will they be needing government help? Can anyone explain this to me?

Government math is the only way this works. The same guys who say more taxes will create more jobs. Yup, that logic means, taking money out of the pocket of employers will give them more money to hire people.

Only with government math will raising minimum wage to \$15.00 per hour create more jobs and stimulate the economy. In most cases, it would double the total payroll for a company. And the government thinks that will compel employers to hire more employees because people will have more money to spend and they will need extra staff for the increased spending. HUH! That’s government math

Participation rate (the number of people who are able to work but, for whatever reason, do not) is the worst it’s been since 1978. Mr. Obama, this is your mission accomplished moment. This does not include people on disability or those retired on government pensions.

People, there are approximately 350 million American citizens in the U.S. (and an unknown number of other human inhabitants.) Let’s make it easy and round the numbers, because I don’t have enough fingers or toes to count on. To start with, take 100 million away for those that have left the workforce. Next, figure that at least 75 million of the 350 million Americans have at least 1 child who doesn’t contribute to the tax rolls. That puts us at around 175 million tax-paying Americans. That means companies (employers) are paying for over 175 million people receiving government aid. It CAN’T WORK!

And to add insult to injury, CNBC now reports that, according to the government, there are ONLY approximately 155 million employed people. Hello!!! Some of those 155 million employed are only part-time workers! (there is a 20 million people chasm between my numbers and theirs, but hey is government math)  People, we are closer to a 25-30% unemployment rate. Even the government’s real rate, as shown in the Bureau of Labor Statistics, shows it closer to 13.2 %. So not only can’t they add (or calculate percentages), but they couldn’t find the truth in a bag marked “Truth” if you put both their hands on it!

Let’s break it down to smaller numbers for illustration. Say there are 20 people on your street and you have all vowed to take care of each other in every way, communal living. Say 10 people decide that they really don’t want to work. They want to hang out and raise their families, work on their homes, cars, or maybe start a new career. That means the other 10 have to provide for the whole group of 20. They may need to cut back on food, get rid of a car to save on insurance, use less electricity, buy less clothes, and make other adjustments. WHY? Well, if you’re using government math (and logic,) everyone has to share. No one should go without food, shelter, cable, or cellular service. And no one should be forced to work until they decide to and even then only at a job they are satisfied with.

Come-on! Does this make sense to anyone?

Government math has gifted us with a “real” unemployment rate of over 25%, a \$17 trillion deficient (and climbing), and one of the worst education systems in the world (you can’t just throw money at it to fix it).

People, wake up or we’re going to lose our country!

## Why the Immigration Bill Will Fail

For several weeks now the Senate has been pushing hard to pass a new “comprehensive” immigration reform bill.  Unfortunately, this bill violates the Laws of Nature… so it’s doomed to failure if it ever becomes the law of the United States.

## Americans Bow to No Man

To whom do you bow?

Our current president bows to many. Perhaps due to his childhood abroad or perhaps due to an earnest desire to appease Europeans. But to many US citizens this subservient action is an insult.

Thomas Jefferson began  shaking hands as a greeting thus ending the tradition of  bowing. Jefferson understood that to be a free citizen of this great republic was the highest achievement of man.

Some see the people of America not bowing  and say that we are arrogant; that we believe in the idea of American Exceptionalism; that we should show deference.

Yet, our country was formed on the belief that all men are created equal. Our military fight and die so that we never have to bow to any man.

Maybe it’s something uniquely American. Maybe we really are arrogant thinking we’re equal to any man. But no matter, as citizens of this country we expect, nay it is imperative, that our president and by definition all people herein bow to no man.

We need a president to lead this country forward once again. We are not happy to settle and we will not bow.

It is time for new leadership.

## President Obama’s Executive Order for Marriage Equality

(Associated Depressed) — President Obama issued an executive order entitled the Equality in Marriage Act, requiring by law that all marriages be, “Equal in all respects, whether in terms of gender, race, religion, sexual preference, appearance, or intelligence.”

The policy shift ushers in not only a new era of legal equality between homosexual and heterosexual couples, but equalized marriage outcomes for all human beings, regardless of race, gender, or sexual preference.

“The time has come for us to set aside our petty differences,” President Obama said before a White House podium overlooking the picturesque National Mall, “to take hope in the change of this transformational agenda, so that all people, no matter what background or what our individual differences, will not be overly blessed or overly cursed with a marriage to someone who is not right for them.”

Millions applauded the president for the progressive decree, which would put an end to marriage inequality once and for all. People who once thought they were doomed to a miserable marriage to someone in their same victim class have already looked forward to seeing the new policy put in practice.

But now that the applause has ended, controversy has set in regarding what exactly the president meant.

“Well, frankly, there is no precedent in American law for this kind of sweeping, although breathtaking vision,” said Mortimer L. Swathley of the politically neutral Brookings Institution. “We are in a new era of law when we just have to try to discern what Obama’s intentions are when he issues an executive order.  Such scholars have already dubbed themselves ‘Obama reconstructivists.’ ”

The decree has sent lawyers, judges, and pastors scrambling to accommodate a flurry of new matrimonial activity sure to provide a stimulus for the recovering economy.

“We still aren’t sure if Obama means that two people with high IQs now need to get divorced and remarry spouses with proportionately lower IQs,” said Judge Michael B. Fuddell. “Or if two good-looking people have to separate and pair with ugly partners, or if white people have to marry black people, or even so far that dark people have to marry pasty people. It’s kind of a legal nightmare…but an exciting one.”

The national divorce rate has already tripled, providing a boon to family legal practices across the country. Marriage rates also received a much-needed boost, although single people are already starting to grumble about discrimination.

“Couples who once found themselves chained to a much dumber or uglier spouse were initially happier that Obama approved the overall collective equality in their marriages,” said psychotherapist Jill Brubeck of a marriage counseling agency in California. “But as mandatory reporters, we are having trouble getting two intellectually-challenged partners to acknowledge that there is any inequality there. They just aren’t bright enough to make sense of the law, poor things.”

While heterosexuals struggle to set aside previous marriages and find their opposites in terms of race, looks, and IQ, homosexuals are elated that gay marriage has effectively been federally mandated.

“If heterosexuals can be trapped in pledged lifelong monogamy, why can’t gays?” said one legal expert. “The only question remaining is why married couples should hoard all the misery, when singles escape scot-free. I think it is time for the president to call upon singles to show a little self-sacrifice, and share the misery.”

While there are still many issues unsettled regarding Obama’s executive order, some citizens are already seeing a positive difference in their lives.

“I thought I was happy wedded to a smart, wonderful husband, having beautiful healthy children,” sobbed Sarah Milner joyfully, “but after listening to President Obama, I realized that I was being selfish, and I could never tolerate living such an unfair life.  So I quit and married a bum who was making catcalls to me everyday on the way to work. The guilt is gone, and I’ve felt better ever since.”

The policy is set to be fully implemented following Barack Obama’s last election.

Author’s note: The above is satire. It is a fictionalized account intended to elucidate certain ideas and principles by taking them to absurd lengths. It is not intended to be taken literally.

Kyle Becker blogs at RogueGovernment, and can be followed on Twitter as @RogueOperator1. He writes freelance for several publications, including American Thinker, Misfit Politics, and OwntheNarrative, and is a regular commentator on the late night talk shows at OTNN.