Tag Archives: conservative humor

Klobuchar Eager to Return to Washington to Advance Teen Sci-Fi Romance Debate

Minnesota Senator Amy Klobuchar

Minnesota Senator Amy Klobuchar

“My main motivation this election cycle is winning the hearts of Minnesota voters so that I may return to the Senate chambers and push the key debate that is dividing this nation: Werewolf versus Vampire,” – Amy Klobuchar on 2012 Senate Race.

September 19, 2012 – Minneapoleft, Minnesota

Incumbent U.S. Senator and teen sci-fi romance aficionado, Amy Klobuchar (dyed-in-the-wool D-MN), revealed her motivation behind her 2012 reelection campaign in a recent press release: furthering the debate of werewolf versus vampire, referring to the ongoing debate of ‘Jacob versus Edward’ from the wildly popular teen sci-fi series, Twilight. The first-term Senator, whose nose pinocchioed during a December 2009 interview with Fox News’ Chris Wallace when she described the Obamacare legislative process as “fairly transparent,” recently issued a press release detailing her inspiration this election cycle. The release noted, in part, “The biggest issue facing American voters today is one of monstrous proportions: Team Jacob or Team Edward. If elected to a second term, I will fight for you to bring this issue to the Senate floor so the American people can hear an honest debate. Who should reign supreme: Jacob, a chiseled, principled, and yummy werewolf, or Edward, a soft-spoken, romantic, and scrumptious vampire?”

The announcement comes as no surprise to the politically-tuned electorate. Klobuchar, who left a career of lawyering to try an even less favorably-perceived career of legislating, was poised to be a key contributor during current Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan’s senate confirmation hearings. However, during the June 30th, 2010 confirmation hearing, which is meant to be a serious inquiry into potential Justice’s qualifications, Klobuchar cornered Kagan asking her to comment on “the famous case of Edward vs. Jacob, or the Vampire vs. the Werewolf.” Kagan, known to colleagues as ‘the Kaganator’ and rumored to have once squashed a neighbor’s trespassing puppy with her bare foot, shot back sharply at Klobuchar with a piercing “I wish you wouldn’t!” before rushing to catch a flight to Los Angeles where she was scheduled to play Kevin James in his self-directed auto-biographical documentary.

Following the vampire versus werewolf inquiry during Kagan’s confirmation hearings, Klobuchar’s inner monster came out again during an October 31st, 2011 interview with MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow. Klobuchar explained to Maddow that, “…as you know there are a lot of ghosts and goblins running around Washington, but not a witch on a broom. That was the last election,” further substantiating her fascination with make-believe monsters and taking a personal jab at former U.S. Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell of Delaware.

Klobuchar’s press release refers to her exchange with Kagan as “the debate that got away,” and promises voters that “[Klobuchar] will work across the aisle to petition the Supreme Court to hear the case of Werewolf versus Vampire,” emphasizing one of the Senator’s key 2012 campaign themes of bipartisanship. However, despite her oft-touted record of perceived bipartisanship, the “approximately two-thirds [of Klobuchar’s] authored bills that received Republican co-sponsorship” represent a collection of largely negligible, low-priority ‘campaign bills’ (i.e., bills drafted for the main purpose featuring during reelection ads and promotions) that either did nothing to help ease the economic malaise overshadowing the U.S. business climate, or should be left to the states.

Additionally, Klobuchar’s campaign message of ‘working across the aisle,’ which is intended to win over independents, moderate Republicans, and freedom-haters who want a bigger federal government, contradicts her glaringly transparent record of voting lock-step with her big-government, don’t-worry-just-give-us-your-money-and-we’ll-make-all-your-decisions-for-you Democrat party 91% of the time. In fact, Klobuchar proudly cast her vote for Obamacare, which recently cost an announced 300 Minnesotan’s their jobs as Minnesota-based Saint Jude Medical Company reorganized in an attempt to offset the approximately $60 million in new Obamacare taxes set to begin scraping away their margins in 2014 (not to mention the countless other jobs that will be shed as the bill’s event horizon approaches).

Klobuchar also repeatedly voted to increase the debt ceiling (an action that contributed to the historic downgrade of the United States’ public debt by the Standards & Poors rating agency), voted against a Farm Bill amendment that would have limited taxpayer subsidies to only those farmers earning less than $250,000 per year, and voted against the energy-independence-promoting and job-creating Keystone XL Pipeline project. [For a more thorough list of Klobuchar’s dismal record in the senate, The Laissez Faire has compiled a table included at the end of this article highlighting the Senator’s selected legislative actions juxtaposed to the point-in-time U.S. National Debt and Unemployment Rate.]

The 2012 U.S. Senate race in Minnesota will begin intensifying as November nears. Klobuchar, the de facto Washington insider, has in excess of $5 million of cash on hand. Her largest contributions came from lawyers, who make their living helping their clients navigate the labyrinth of regulations imposed by lawmakers, and the anti-baby organization EMILY’s List, which works to promote female candidates who share their vision of allowing individuals to be stripped of their right to life before they can even speak for themselves.

Other notable contributors to Klobuchar’s 2012 campaign fund include American Adhesives, Inc., the leading U.S. manufacturer of the red-colored adhesive tape that has been tangling business owners for generations; the controversial Vamp-PAC, a committee dedicated to electing candidates who favor federal relief to vampires; and FullMoonRisingPAC, a committee dedicated to supporting candidates who share their vision of equal rights for werewolves at home and abroad.

Klobuchar also recently stole endorsements from the typically conservative Minnesota Farm Bureau and two Minnesota business leaders, who have apparently been glamoured by Klobuchar’s supernatural operatives. The trend-breaking Minnesota Farm Bureau endorsement may be explained by Klobuchar’s vote against Senator Rand Paul’s (R-KY) amendment to the 2012 Farm Bill that would have limited taxpayer subsidies to only those farmers earning less than $250,000 per year…that or the endorsing committee was higher than the U.S. debt-to-GDP ratio during the endorsement decision making process.

The two noted business leaders, Bill Hawkins, former CEO of Obamacare victim and medical device giant Medtronic, and Paul Walser, CEO of Minnesota-based Walser Automotive, each have their own reasons to be cheerleading for Klobuchar. Hawkins attributed his praise of the Senator to her recent work to try to reduce a new medical device tax. Yes, the same medical device tax born from the Obamacare legislation that Klobuchar proudly voted for in the first place…Mr. Hawkins must have missed that memo.

Paul Walser’s endorsement is apparently a quid-pro-quo for the ‘personal attention’ Klobuchar gave to the Minnesota dealership group when Walser was appealing then-government owned General Motors Corporation’s decision to terminate a franchise agreement with one of Walser’s dealership locations. Nothing says crony-capitalism like inserting a legislator into the equation of two market participants, especially with the influences the government must have had with the recent taxpayer funded bail out of General Motors Corporation.

Fortunately, Minnesota voters who are not crony-capitalist CEOs, super-rich farmers, or sympathizers with/members of the make-believe monster community have a choice this election cycle. Kurt Bills, an articulate and dapper economics phenom has emerged as the Republican challenger to Klobuchar’s cozy Senate seat. Bills is a first-term state legislator and high school teacher of advanced economics at a public high school in Rosemount, Minnesota, a suburb of the Twin Cities. And contrasting Klobuchar’s philosophy that ‘everything will be better if we just legislate individual decisions from Washington,’ Bills believes that the best people to make decisions for Minnesota citizens are the Minnesota citizens themselves.

Bills offers a stark contrast for Minnesota voters in many other dimensions. Bills is a high school economics teacher and small business owner, and was never a partner with two prominent law firms. Bills believes that the people, not government, create jobs. Bills opposes the job-killing Obamacare legislation, and would never have voted for such government overreach. Bills stands behind his freedom-rooted principles, and is more than just a popular name with a killer hot dish recipe whose vote simply follows the party leadership suggested positions. And lastly, Bills has never discussed teen sci-fi romance during any legislative hearings whatsoever.

Hence, Kurt Bills.

The following list summarizes select bills sponsored by creepy crawly Klobuchar juxtaposed to the U.S. National Debt and Unemployment Rate, revealing her disconnect from the current economic woes facing the United States.
Date Bill Brief Description U.S. National Debt ($) U.S. Unemployment Rate (%)
9/13/2012 S. 3542 (112th): A bill to authorize the Assistant Secretary of Homeland Security (Transportation   Security Administration)… A bill to authorize the   Assistant Secretary of Homeland Security (Transportation Security   Administration) to modify screening requirements for checked baggage arriving   from preclearance airports, and for other purposes.

$16,045,678,692,730.60

*

6/20/2012 S. 3319 (112th): A bill to amend the National Trails System Act to revise the route … Amends the National Trails System Act to revise the route of the North Country National Scenic Trail to be the one contained in the Department of the Interior description “North Country National Scenic Trail, Authorized Route”

15,777,954,587,181.90

8.2

12/1/2011 S. 1939 (112th): Broadband  Conduit Deployment Act of 2011 A bill to amend title 23,   United States Code, to direct the Secretary of Transportation to require that broadband conduits be installed as part of certain highway construction   projects, and for other purposes.

15,088,441,787,407.60

8.5

11/30/2011 S. 1928 (112th): Stalkers Act of 2011 A bill to provide criminal penalties for stalking.

15,110,498,560,876.70

8.7

10/4/2011 S. 1653 (112th):   International Tourism Facilitation Act A bill to make minor   modifications to the procedures relating to the issuance of visas.

14,856,859,498,405.70

8.9

3/17/2011 S. 625 (112th): A bill to amend title 23, United States Code, to incorporate regional transportation   planning organizations into statewide transportation planning, and for other purposes. Requires states, at a minimum, to cooperate with affected nonmetropolitan local officials responsible for transportation through regional transportation planning organizations to develop and implement long-range statewide transportation plans and statewide transportation improvement programs, with emphasis on addressing the transportation needs of nonmetropolitan areas of the state.

14,223,730,274,180.80

8.9

5/24/2010 S. 3397 (111th): Secure and   Responsible Drug Disposal Act of 2010 A bill to amend the   Controlled Substances Act to provide for take-back disposal of controlled   substances in certain instances, and for other purposes.

12,989,095,409,531.00

9.6

3/15/2010 S. 3110 (111th): Broadband Service Consumer Protection Act A bill to improve consumer protection for purchasers of broadband services by requiring consistent use   of broadband service terminology by providers, requiring clear and   conspicuous disclosure to consumers about the actual broadband speed that may   reasonably be expected, and for other purposes.

12,636,662,956,140.00

9.8

12/3/2009 S. 2825 (111th): Cell Phone Early Termination Fee, Transparency, and Fairness Act A bill to require cell   phone early termination fees to be pro-rated over the term of a subscriber’s   contract, and for other purposes.

12,087,361,675,014.70

9.9

10/28/2009 S. 1988 (111th): A bill to suspend temporarily the duty on certain bamboo vases. Amends the Harmonized   Tariff Schedule of the United States to suspend temporarily the duty on   certain bamboo vases.

11,893,668,881,089.00

10.0

9/24/2009 S. 1708 (111th): Student Attendance Success Act of 2009 A bill to establish a grant   program to prevent truancy, and for other purposes.

11,770,679,815,806.10

9.8

10/1/2008 S. 3666 (110th): Copper Theft Prevention Act of 2008 A bill to require certain   metal recyclers to keep records of their transactions in order to deter individuals and enterprises engaged in theft and interstate fencing of stolen copper, and for other purposes.

10,124,225,067,127.60

6.5

7/31/2007 S. 1905 (110th): Regional Presidential Primary and Caucus Act of 2007 Divides the United States   into four regions of specified states (including the District of Columbia)   for holding presidential primaries/caucuses in each presidential election   year.

8,932,438,299,899.54

4.7

7/16/2007 S. 1791 (110th): Biodiesel Education and Expansion Act of 2007 A bill to amend the Farm   Security and Rural Investment Act of 2002 to reauthorize, and increase   funding for, the biodiesel fuel education program.

8,886,560,061,162.27

4.7

5/15/2007 S. 1403 (110th):   Farm-to-Fuel Investment Act of 2007 A bill to amend the Farm   Security and Rural Investment Act of 2002 to provide incentives for the   production of bioenergy crops.

8,803,253,918,300.67

4.4

5/14/2007 S. 1387 (110th): Federal Greenhouse Gas Registry Act of 2008 States as the purpose of   this Act the establishment of a federal greenhouse gas registry. Requires an   affected facility to submit to the Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), for inclusion in the greenhouse gas registry, periodic reports, including annual and quarterly data. Authorizes the Administrator to bring a civil action against the owner or operator of an   affected facility that fails to comply with the requirements of this Act.   Imposes a civil penalty of not more than $25,000 per day for each violation   of this Act.

8,819,697,851,326.45

4.4

* Unemployment data not yet released

Sources for above datapoints:

Legislation and Summaries: http://www.govtrack.us/
U.S. National Debt: http://www.treasurydirect.gov/
Unemployment Rate: http://data.bls.gov/

Crossposted at TruthInJest

Preacher Goes Wild in Virginia Beach

First he endorses Rudy, now Pat Robertson is agreeing with liberal Democrats

Periodically there’s an eruption in Virginia Beach that catches us off guard. Much like a dormant volcano will occasionally demand attention, Pat Robertson grabs headlines by making an off–the–wall comment.

This doesn’t include predictable pronouncements regarding God’s wrath or the wages of sodomy. Everyone knows you can’t have a natural disaster without the Rev. Robertson piling on. What I’m referring to are non Jehovah–related eruptions.

Take Pat’s claim that he can leg press 2,000 lbs. — the equivalent of four Al Gore’s. Leg press involves letting a weighted sled slide down a 45–degree angle slope towards you. When your tibia and your femur reach a 90–degree angle, you contract your thigh muscles and push the sled back to the starting position.

There’s a YouTube video of Robertson “leg pressing” 1,000 lbs. Pat uses his hands to push his knees to full extension and the sled only comes down a few inches. I’ve seen my wife’s legs twitch more when I sneak into bed with cold hands. So it’s hardly a leg press and Pat’s certainly not moving a ton.

(There’s something about a leg press machine that invites hyperbole from political figures. Madeline Albright claims to have leg pressed 400 lbs., which is equally unlikely. Particularly when you consider they don’t even have a leg press machine at Minnieland Daycare, which is the only commercial establishment I can recall that would have equipment small enough to accommodate the diminutive former secretary of state.)

Robertson’s latest declaration is even more startling. In a New York Times interview, Pat calls for the legalization of marijuana, “I believe we should treat marijuana the way we treat beverage alcohol. I’ve never used marijuana and I don’t intend to, but… this war on drugs just hasn’t succeeded.”

I could not have been more surprised if he’d said he was leaving his wife for Madeline Albright.

This puts Roberson in some strange company beginning with Del. David Englin (D–People’s Republic of Alexandria) who introduced a bill in the Virginia General Assembly to study how much money the state would make if wacky tobbacky was sold in ABC stores.

Englin is pro abortion, pro homosexual marriage and the founder of the “Progressive Caucus” in the Virginia House, while Robertson is; well he’s Pat Robertson. Still their herb views are remarkably concurrent. Both believe marijuana prohibition, like alcohol prohibition, is not working.

They have a point. Prohibition didn’t work in the 20’s and it doesn’t work today. Why do you think criminals are involved in growing marijuana and cocaine? Are they like liberal Democrats with their misty–eyed affinity for boutique farmers and 19th Century agriculture?

No, they’re in it for the gusher of money. This tidal wave of government–caused wealth is undermining the foundations of Mexico and much of South America.

Without the money that prohibition produces, much of the drug–related crime would disappear. The worst thing that ever happened to the Mafia — if you don’t count the last episode of the Sopranos — was passage of the 21st Amendment.

If there was ever a conflict that required an exit strategy the War on Drugs is it. Afghanistan looks like May 7, 1945 compared to what has been accomplished fighting drugs.

The main objection to legalization is “more people will use drugs.” Frankly, I don’t know how that could be possible. All the evidence shows anyone who wants drugs can get drugs. At least legalization will confine the damage to the willing.

What’s more, the same laws that apply to smokin’ would also apply to tokin’. The only difference would be when striding through the cloud of smoke that obscures the entrance to your local shopping mall, you would feel strangely mellow and eager to find the food court.

Legalization would not eliminate drug testing as a condition of employment or penalties for drug use while operating a vehicle. Naturally advertising would be banned under a government monopoly and the packaging would have suitably scary photos, similar to those on cigarette packages, to discourage use. My suggestion would be Willie Nelson’s latest booking photo or any crowd shot from a Grateful Dead concert.

For years I’ve been in favor of legalizing drugs and limiting the sales to the post office. The USPS needs the money and since many postal employees are already armed, security costs would be low. But Englin’s idea to sell blunts at the ABC would work just as well and the employees are accustomed to checking ID.

The real irony is that if legalization ever occurs it will have been a combination of a liberal Democrat and a conservative preacher who made it absolutely impossible for Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell to privatize ABC stores.

Hank Williams, Jr. Apologizes For His Recent Comments

Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock in recent weeks, you know that the ever-controversial country music star Hank Williams, Jr. has once again caused a commotion.

While appearing on the Fox & Friends morning show, Bocephus was bantering with the Fox & Friends hosts and made an analogy about a golf game between President Obama and other members of the Democratic Party played golf with a variety of members of the Republican Party.

If you did not watch the show, here is the actual transcript of the exchange that caused so much commotion.

HANK WILLIAMS: Remember the golf game?
STEVE DOOCY:  Boehner?
HANK WILLIAMS: That was one of the biggest political mistakes ever.
CO-HOSTS: Why?
HANK WILLIAMS: That turned a lot of people off. You know, watching, you know, it just didn’t go over.
GRETCHEN CARLSON: You mean when John Boehner played golf with President Obama?
HANK WILLIAMS: Oh, yeah! Yeah. And Biden and Kasich, yeah. Uh-huh.
GRETCHEN CARLSON: What did you not like about it? It seems to be a really pivotal moment for you.
HANK WILLIAMS: Come on. Come on. It would be like Hitler playing golf with Netanyahu, OK?

In response, ESPN pulled the ever-famous Monday Night Football intro sung by Hank Williams Jr., that goes a little somethin’ like this:

♫Are you ready for some footbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllll? ♫

In response, Hank Williams, Jr. wrote a song and had it recorded in a matter of days (literally, by the end of the week in which the original incident happened.) He made it a free download on his official website for the first few days, and has since made it available for purchase on iTunes.

I downloaded the song, entitled, “Keep The Change”, the first day it was available! I am an avid Bocephus fan, and was very proud to download the song of proud defiance.

You can imagine my shock and disappointment when I heard that Hank had issued anapology for his remarks. It was a metaphor, for goodness sake, he DID NOT call Obama Hitler!

But the good thing is, the surviving members of Hitler’s family accepted his apology for comparing Adolf to President Obama!

______________________

I cannot claim credit for the punchline, but thought it was too good not to share!

To the liberals who might read this and take offense- buck up! We, on the right side of the political aisle, endured ENDLESS jokes about President George W. Bush. This is a joke, and should be taken as such!

______________________
Sources:
Kentucky.com 
Hank Williams Jr. Official Website

Franking Privileges

Polar CougHey, Barry! Does your Beano Cook? Huh? You don’t understand the question? Well, let me put it to you another way. Why does Barney get unlimited Franking privileges? And why doesn’t he have to give up the cheap satisfaction of the radical pose for the deep satisfaction of the radical ends? Is that why you kept voting pleasant all those years? And how come you light up your Hairy Reid but consistently end up burning the Bush? Think you’re Moses? Well, of course, your Pharaohness, there certainly are similarities. Moses floated down the Nile and you most certainly are also in denial. And then there’s the money thing, too. Egyptus? Hell, you gyptus! Crap, you plan to keep on gypting us From Here To Eternity (which explains your obsession with Hawaii, doesn’t it!)

But, I digress. I think I have you figured out. As far as your perverted quest for power is concerned, if Genghis Kahn, yes, you most certainly Kahn too! Kenya see it now? Yeah, I know, I know. The pain in Spain flies mainly on your plane. But now you’re the one who’s digressing. Let’s get back to the point. You’re hurting us. What? Well of course it hurts! We’re getting screwed by a Jackass! Oh right, we’ll all just take two pain pills and call you in the morning. Yes, it’s true. You are a cereal killer. Thanks to you, we’re the only banana republic that has to import its bananas. So, you see, we don’t want to call you in the morning. We’re all staring at a leveraged bowl of Captain Kickass, minus the bananas, and just can’t get all excited about picking up the phone and giving you a ring. My apologies to your nose, but rings cost money, don’t cha’ know? At least Carter knew whose ass to kick – poor rabbit.

So, here we find ourselves, 19 months into the making of the Foundation of your Empire, and what are the major news items of the day? Well, let’s see…there’s your unbridled enthusiasm for building a mosque at Ground Zero (Go figure, the site is named after you.). And, of course, Blago’s jury is well-hung – unlike you, according to Sarah Palin. But who needs to ask Palin’s opinion when Jesse Jackson already offered a while back to help you sing a couple of octaves higher?  Yeah, I heard about the squirrel too. But, you know? It never would have starved to death if you hadn’t let it run up your leg. Your alleged manhoodlessness is a national joke, Barry. Wasn’t it about two years ago when we all heard the rumor that if Hillary Clinton gave you one of her acorns, you’d both have two? Which brings us to the mom jeans – whose mom? And who’s genes? And that tingle Chris Matthews had down his leg? Don’t worry about it. It dried up. On the bright side, Vera Baker notwithstanding, at least you seem to have learned from Bill Clinton to keep your rod out of your staff…which brings us right back to David Axelrod. Not a bad name for a cheesy little squirt who gives us the entire shaft. Well-oiled? 10-40, Good Buddy!

Anyway, back to the news. Seems Charlie Wrangle and Maxipad Waters have no ethics. “Ethics? We don’t need no stinkin’ ethics!  Besides, it’s Bush’s fault, that friggin’ Cracka”. Would you like some cheese on that Cracka, Maxine? Or, are you on a diet and want to cut the cheese? Either way, Maxine stinks, Barry, and you know it. Reminds me of a song I learned as a young Cracka, Barry. Listen up while I sing you the tune…

Well, I stuck my head in a little skunk’s hole.
And that little skunk said, “Well, bless my soul!”
“Take it out, take it out, take it out, take it out…
Remove it!”

Well, I didn’t take it out, and I didn’t take it out.
And that little skunk said, “If you don’t take it out…
You’ll wish you had, take it out, take it out…
remove it!”

Pshhhhhhhhh….I removed it!

Pshhhhhhhhh, Barry. That’s the sound of November 2nd, 2010.  You stink. The nation is going to collectively pull your head out of the hole. I won’t water it down for you. To tell you the truth, Maxine stinks. So does Barney’s Frank. And Axel’s rod. And he ain’t heavy, he’s my Hairy Reid.

Believe it or not, I sympathize with your situation. Let’s look at it objectively. You’ve really got it bad. Your Chief of Staff has a history of sending dead fish to people in the mail. Gives a whole new meaning to snail mail – it just might be! And then there’s your personal assistant, Valerie Jarrett, the local slum lord. And Baghdad Bob…geez, what were you drinking the day you hired that gas bag? I bet his Beano doesn’t Cook, either. And let’s not forget your love child, Nancy Pelosi. You can read about her in the Bible – in Genesis, to be precise. God took a rib from Adam and made the first loudspeaker.  That’s why her face is so tight – loudspeakers don’t work unless the woofer is uptight, out-of-sight, and in the groove.

So what’s your plan to get out of this mess, Barry? Go on vacation? Golf? Spend other people’s money? I gotta tell you, buddy. You’re in it too deep.  George Sore Ass can’t save you this time. You are such a shallow thinker that your mental masturbation ain’t going to buy you love. I admit it was a stroke of genius to redirect NASA to kiss up to Islam, but really, all you are going to do is end up with a bad case of peegret. That’s what happens when you split the bar without first dumping the lemonade. Next time try vodka – an Absolut Zero. That’s your only hope. You’re not THE ONE. All you are is the Zero. Absolut Zero.  Cheers.

This article is the opinion of the author, our favorite penguin you can enjoy on twitter @PolarCoug.

The Bronze Curio

A tourist walks into a curio shop. Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it. He takes it to the owner: “How much for the bronze rat?” “$12 for the rat, $100 for the story,” says the owner.

The tourist gives the man $12. “I’ll just take the rat, you can keep the story.”

As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, he notices that a few real rats have crawled out of the alleys and sewers and begun following him down the street. This is disconcerting, and he begins walking faster. But within a couple of blocks, the herd of rats behind him has grown to hundreds, and they begin squealing. He begins to trot toward the bay, looking around to see that the rats now number in the MILLIONS, and are squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.

Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay, and throws the bronze rat as far out into the water as he can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the bay after it, and are all drowned.

The man walks back to the curio shop. “Ah ha,” says the owner, “you have come back for the story?” “No,” says the man, “I came back to see if you have a bronze liberal.”