Author Archives: Polar Coug (twitter @PolarCoug)

Like a Fridge over Maxine Waters

Maxine Waters

When you’re over-taxed
Feeling broke
When libs are in your face
I will make them croak

I’m your Axelrod
When Plouffe gets rough
And Gibbs just can’t be found
Like a fridge over Maxine Waters
I will chill you down
Like a fridge over Maxine Waters
I will chill you down

When you’re Debbie Downer
With Mayonnaise hair
When brains are hard to find
I will comfort you

I’ll take your Harry Reid
Alan Grayson, too
And libs are all around
Like a fridge over Maxine Waters
I will lay me down
Like a fridge over Maxine Waters
I will lay me down

Sail on Moocher Girl,
Lobsters fry
Your vacations come to shine
All your food is on its way

See how they steam
If you need a clam
The butter’s right behind
Like a fridge over Maxine Waters
I will blow your mind
Like a fridge over Maxine Waters
I will blow your mind.

You’ll be my ACORN, Libs of Squirrel

 

Gene Chandler – The Duke of Earl

Look, look, look, there’s a squirrel
Look, look, there’s a squirrel
Look, look, there’s a squirrel

Look, look, there’s a squirrel
Look, look, there’s a squirrel
Look, look, there’s a squirrel
Look, look, there’s a squirrel

As I walk through this election
Nothing can stop my change of direction
And you, you are my squirrel
No one can elect you, oh, no

Yes sir, I, oh, I’m gonna choom you, oh, oh
Come on let me choom you, America¡
Cause I’m the great big squirrel
So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

And when I fool you
You’ll be my ACORN, libs of squirrel
We’ll walk through my squirreldom
And a utopia we will share

Yes sir, I, oh, I’m gonna choom you, oh, oh
Nothing can stop me now
Cause I’m the great big squirrel
So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Look, there’s a squirrel
Look, there’s a squirrel

Look, look, look, there’s a squirrel
Look, look, there’s a squirrel
Look, look, there’s a squirrel
Look, look, there’s a squirrel

Look, look, look, there’s a squirrel
Look, look, there’s a squirrel
Look, look, there’s a squirrel
Look, look, there’s a squirrel

Yes sir, I, oh, I’m gonna choom you, oh, oh
Come on let me choom you, America
Cause I’m the great big squirrel
So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Look (nothing can stop me now), there’s a squirrel
Look, there’s a squirrel

Look, look, look, there’s a squirrel
Look, look, there’s a squirrel
Look, look, there’s a squirrel
Look, look, there’s a squirrel

Man of La Muncha

To eat a delicious dog hound
To chew without making a sound
To burp when the dog goes down greasy
To run when dogs give you the runs.

To  munch a Chihuahua for lunch
To bite till the Dane’s out of sight
To digest when your tummy is weary
To tax when the dogs are all white.

This is my meal
To follow my spiel
I tell Joe Dog Biden
It’s a really big deal.

To fight for the Pug
Without collar or claws
To be willing to march to Michelle
For a couple of paws.

And I know if I devour it all
To the skin of its bones
That my gas will lie peaceful and calm
Way down deep in my stones.

And my gut will be better for this
That The Won, not a dog did I miss
Still consumed with my last ounce of ketchup
To eat, the last dog did I eat!

Took away Her White Man’s Life, Savory Crabs and her Butter Knife

Elizabeth Warren

They took 1/32nd of the Harvard Nation
And put Warren on their reservation
Took away her white man’s life
Savory crabs and her butter knife

They took away her hot crossed buns
Her omelettes gave them all the runs
Mayonnaise and a can of Spam
Pow Wow Chow ain’t her Uncle Sam

Harvard Law people, Harvard Law tribe
So proud to hire, so proud to hide

They took the whole John Harvard Nation
Affirmative action reservation
And though she rules at Harvard Law
Deep down inside she’s just a squaw

Harvard Law people, Harvard Law tribe
So proud to hire, so proud to hide

But maybe come election day
She will serve an Hors d’oeuvres tray
Hors d’oeuvres tray
Hors d’oeuvres tray
Hors d’oeuvres tray
Hors d’oeuvres tray

Mitt will win and then we’ll Barry you

Oh Barry boy, the votes, the votes are calling
From dead to dead and down Chicago’s way
The summer’s gone and all the ballots dying
‘Tis you, ’tis you must go and Mitt must stay

But come ye hack when Plouffe cries in his pillow
Or when your campaign’s broke and out of blow
And I’ll be here when Al Gore’s in your shadow
Oh Barry boy, oh Barry boy I told you so

But if you come and all the voters dying
And if they’re dead, as dead they well may be
We’ll count the votes behind closed doors just for you
Lying and steal and hang a chad just for thee

And you shall feel, oh feel it’s still all Bush’s fault
And then my vote will richer, sweeter be
For you will lose ‘cuz losing’s all you ever do
For Mitt will win and then we’ll Barry you

He gave her Vacations and Some Buns of Steel. . . She was proud of Her Time on The Hill

Folks, here´s a story about Michelle the Moocher
She was a Chicago red hoochie-koocher
She was the roughest, toughest frail
But Michelle had a butt as big as a wha-a-le

Hidee-Hidee-Hidee-hi
Hodee-hodee-hodee-ho
Heedey-hee-dee-hee-dee hee
Hidee-hidee-hidee-ho

She messed around with a Barry named Obama
She loved him though he was more like her mama
He took her down to Choomtown
He showed her how to choom the weed around

Hidee-Hidee-Hidee-hi
Wooooooh
Heedey-hee-dee-hee-dee hee
Hidee-hidee-hidee-ho

She had a dream that the Commie in Charge
He gave her things that made her quite large
He gave her vacations and some buns of steel
She was proud of her time on The Hill

Hidee-hidee-hidee-hidee-hidee-hidee-hi
Hodee-hodee-hodee-hodee-hodee-hodee-ho
scoodley-woo-scoodley-woo-scoodley-woodley-woodley-
woo
Zit-dit-dit-dit-dittle-but-dut-duttleoo-skit-dit-
skittle-but-dit-zoy

He gave her some lobsters and her bills he had met
Each time she ate up zoomed the national debt
She had a million dollars worth of nickels and dimes
She sat around and counted them all a million times

Hidee-Hidee-Hidee-hi
Hodee-hodee-hodee-ho
Heedey-hee-dee-hee-dee hee
Hidee-hidee-hidee-ho

Now Michelle and Barry, they started Moochin’
They got a free ride in a limo they hoochin’
She gave him money to pay her bail
But he left her flat in the White House jail

Whoooa, yeaaaah
Hey de he de he he
Whoa Whoa

Poor Michelle met old Oprah Lowdown
She preached to her that she ought to slow down
But Michelle wiggled her jelly roll
And Oprah Lowdown yelled, “Barry save my soul!”

Hi de hi de hi de hi
Ho de ho de ho de ho
Skiddley doodley doodly do
Skiddly diddly day

They took her where they put the crazies
Now poor Michelle is kicking up those daisies
You’ve heard my story this is her song
She was just a good Moocher, but they done her wrong

Hi de hi de hi de hi
Skooby de be do
He de he de he de he
Whoa, Whoa Whoa

Poor Michelle, Poor Michelle, Poor Michelle.

When the Tingle’s Gone and You Can’t go on, It’s Tragedy

 

Here I lie
in a lost and lonely D.C. town
Biden time
In a world of polls I slowly drown
Goin’home
I can’t take elections all alone
I really should be taxing you
Taxing you
Chooming you chooming you

Tragedy
When the tingle’s gone and you can’t go on
It’s tragedy
When your Holder cries and you don’t know why
It’s hard to bear
With Michelle to love you you’re
goin’ nowhere
Tragedy
When you lose The Hill and you’re just a schill
It’s tragedy
When your Holder cries and you don’t know why
It’s hard to bear
With Michelle beside you you’re
goin’ nowhere
When the tingle’s gone and you can’t go on

Night and day
there’s a loathing down inside of me
Sinclair love
With a yearning that won’t let me be
Down I go
and Dick Morris spears me in my heart
I really should be taxing you
Taxing you
Chooming you chooming

Tragedy
When the tingle’s gone and you can’t go on
It’s tragedy
When your ratings go down and you don’t know why
It’s hard to bear
With Michelle to love you you’re
goin’ nowhere
Tragedy
When you lose The Hill and you’re just a schill
It’s tragedy
When your ratings go down and you don’t know why
It’s hard to bear
With Michelle beside you you’re
goin’ nowhere (repeat and fade)

He’s a Dog Eater

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ ♪ ♫

Sung to the tune of “She’s a Man Eater” by Hall & Oates

He’ll only eat out at night,
The lean and hungry type,
No hound is new, I’ve seen him eat before.
Watching and waiting,
He’s eating with you but his eyes are on the floor.

So many have paid to see,
The pooch he eats for free,
The Barry is wild, a he-cat tamed by the taste of an old tick-hound.
Barack loves dog battered,
If you chew him for love you ain’t gonna gnaw too far.

Oh here he comes,
Watch out Bo he’ll chew you up.
Oh here he comes,
He’s a dog eater.
Oh here he comes,
Watch out Bo he’ll chew you up.
Oh here he comes,
He’s a dog eater.

I wouldn’t chew if I were you,
I know what he can do.
He’s deadly man, and he could rip your dog apart
Teeth over platter,
The dishes are there but a dog is in his heart.

Oh here he comes,
Watch out Bo he’ll chew you up.
Oh here he comes,
He’s a dog eater.

Plouffe the Campaign Dragon

David Plouffe

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬

Plouffe, the campaign dragon lived for TV
And frolicked with his campaign staff in a land called Make Believe,
Little Barack Obama loved that rascal Plouffe,
And brought him cash and ACORN nuts and other fancy stuff. Oh!

Plouffe, the campaign dragon lived for TV
And frolicked with his campaign staff in a land called Make Believe,
Plouffe, the campaign dragon lived for TV
And frolicked with his campaign staff in a land called Make Believe.

Together they would spin lies for Jay Carney’s daily rant
Barack kept Barney Frank perched up on Plouffe’s campaign plank,
Noble kings and princes, Barack bowed before them, too,
Axelrod would lower his flag then Frank would lower his too. Oh!

Plouffe, the campaign dragon lived for TV
And frolicked with his campaign staff in a land called Make Believe,
Plouffe, the campaign dragon lived for TV
And frolicked with his campaign staff in a land called Make Believe.

Barack can live forever but not so David Plouffe
Rigged elections and more dead voters make way for other stuff.
Then one fall night it happened, Barack Obama came no more
And Plouffe that mighty dragon, was kicked right out the door.

His head was bent in sorrow, the election had been lost,
Plouffe no longer went to play cuz’ Barry had been tossed.
Without his life-long Bam-Bam, Plouffe could not be brave,
So Plouffe that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave. Oh!

Plouffe, the campaign dragon lived for TV
And frolicked with his campaign staff in a land called Make Believe,
Plouffe, the campaign dragon lived for TV
And frolicked with his campaign staff in a land called Make Believe.

Fighting the Leftists’ Secret Combination

The late Ezra Taft Benson, Secretary of Agriculture during the Eisenhower Administration, spoke out frequently on the subject of a secret combination that was striving to overthrow our society with the aim of taking total control over all men everywhere. He warned that organized crime was ubiquitous throughout our society; terrorists, drug gangs, various Mafias, and bloody tyrants.

Ezra Taft Benson

Ezra Taft Benson

But he said they all paled in comparison to the one great secret combination that dwarfed all others because of the scope of its broad penetration into society and its ruthless effectiveness in the advancement of pure evil. This secret combination, warned Benson, was based on communism/socialism. Benson said that the motivation of this, the worst of all conspiracies, was “to get power and gain.” In order to accomplish this end, said Benson, this vast conspiracy of communists and socialists was conspiring to “overthrow the freedom of all lands, nations, and countries.” Benson was mocked and ignored by the media, the government, and society at large. Benson was undeterred by the mockery from the leftists. He continued to warn us about the secret combination, “A secret combination that seeks to overthrow the freedom of all lands, nations, and countries is increasing in its evil influence and control over America and the entire world.”

Bringing religion into the discussion, Benson said the following:

It is well to ask, what system established secret works of darkness to overthrow nations by violent revolution? Who blasphemously proclaimed the atheistic doctrine that God made us not? Satan works through human agents…I refer to the infamous founders of Communism and others who follow in their tradition.

Communism introduced into the world a substitute for true religion. It is a counterfeit of the gospel plan. The false prophets of Communism predict a utopian society. This, they proclaim, will only be brought about as capitalism and free enterprise are overthrown, private property abolished, the family as a social unit eliminated, all classes abolished, all governments overthrown, and a communal ownership of property in a classless, stateless society established.

Since 1917 this godless counterfeit to the gospel has made tremendous progress toward its objective of world domination.

Today, we are in a battle for the bodies and souls of man. It is a battle between two opposing systems: freedom and slavery, Christ and anti-Christ. The struggle is more momentous than a decade ago, yet today the conventional wisdom says, “You must learn to live with Communism and to give up your ideas about national sovereignty.” Tell that to the millions—yes, the scores of millions—who have met death or imprisonment under the tyranny of Communism! Such would be the death knell of freedom and all we hold dear. God must ever have a free people to prosper His work and bring about Zion.

            —Ezra Taft Benson. A Witness and a Warning. Ensign Magazine. November 1979.

Benson was continuously mocked for his talk of secret combinations; however history is proving him right. Ignored for scores of years, appeased by governments near and far, the communist/socialist and yes, Democrat conspiracy, is close to the complete takeover of The United States of America. And it is no accident that men and women of faith are leading the fight today against the communists and socialists who hide behind the deliberately misleading label of “Democrat.” This is not a fight between left and right. In all honesty, this is a fight between good and evil. This is why Catholics, Evangelicals, Mormons, Presbyterians, Quakers, Seventh-day Adventists, Episcopalians, the Disciples of Christ, and members of numerous other religions are united together to fight the common enemy. The election of Barack Obama did two things: (1) it brought into power a member of this communist/socialist conspiracy, and (2) it awoke the sleeping giant that is the good, conservative, God-fearing people of the Earth. The battle has been joined.

Despite the repeated warnings from Benson and others like him, we were slow to recognize the evil that comprises socialism, liberalism, communism, and their front man—the Democratic Party.

Rev. Billy Graham

Rev. Billy Graham

We failed to see what was happening as this secret combination infected itself into our judiciary, our Congress, and now even the office of President of the United States. We can’t say we weren’t warned. The Rev. Billy Graham once famously said “their communism must die or Christianity must die.” Truer words were never spoken. Barack Obama’s assault on the religious freedom of Catholics doesn’t have the end goal of forcing Catholics to bow their heads and bend their knees to his Administration and capitulate on a matter concerning health insurance. The truth of the matter is that Obama, like communists everywhere, seeks to eliminate God from our society. The basic problem that Obama and this communist/socialist secret conspiracy have with God is that God represents a power greater than their own. God competes with the power of the State and thus Communists/Socialists/Liberals/Democrats seek to destroy God and to also destroy the faith that people have in God.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, —That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to affect their Safety and Happiness.

Those hallowed words from the Declaration of Independence say it all. We derive our rights from God and not from the State. That is pure sacrilege to the secret combination that exists within our citizenry. Communism cannot tolerate the existence of God for God is greater than they. It is no accident that the Tea Party and their allies, good men everywhere, overwhelmingly come from the ranks of those who believe in God. That is where the line is drawn and we all must choose this day. Do we follow evil or do we follow God? There have always been fence-sitters, those who prefer to be lukewarm instead of hot or cold. But these are becoming fewer and fewer. The threat we face today is creating an environment in which we must individually choose which side to which we belong. Are we with those, like Obama, who prefer Alinsky over God? Are we with those who worship the Earth; in essence worshiping the Creation rather than the Creator? Are we going to sit idly by while this secret combination completes its takeover of our country?

There are those who “get it” and are not afraid to be counted among those willing to rise up against this secret combination of tyranny. One of these is Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu, who said on February 5, 2012 that “as prime minister of Israel, I will never let my people live in the shadow of annihilation.”

President Ronald Reagan

President Ronald Reagan

Another such voice of courage came from the lips of Andrew Breitbart who fearlessly proclaimed “I love my job. I love fighting for what I believe in. I love having fun while doing it. I love reporting stories that the Complex refuses to report. I love fighting back, I love finding allies, and—famously—I enjoy making enemies.” But perhaps the most fitting quote comes from Ronald Reagan: “How do you tell a communist? Well, it’s someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It’s someone who understands Marx and Lenin.”

This coming general election might very well be the last chance we have to avoid the total destruction of our society. If we are to defeat Obama then Evangelicals might have to overlook their theological differences with Mitt Romney. Mormons might have to overlook their theological differences with Rick Santorum. Newt Gingrich might have to realize that the needs of his country are greater than his own personal career goals. The Tea Party members might have to swallow their social conservatism just enough to vote for a Republican they don’t totally support. Why? Because we all know what will happen if we don’t!

Make no mistake about it. The secret combination that Benson spoke of is real. It has often been said that Obama is a Manchurian president—wise words from wise men indeed! Obama proudly proclaims his devotion to the working class, the poor, the homeless and the hungry. We have been fooled in the past by such false proclamations from other Democrats, but no more. At a superficial level Obama’s redistributionist doctrine doesn’t seem all that bad. Obama promises the feed the hungry, cloth the naked, and give relief to the sick and the afflicted through nationalized health care. But when we take our blinders off we clearly see that Obama’s policies are designed to take away our personal liberties, deny us our God-given freedoms, and make us all dependent upon a socialist government. Obama seeks to force philanthropy upon us. Obama seeks to remove from us our sacred responsibility to care for our own needs, our self-reliance, and replace it with a collectivistic pot into which all our personal property is thrown. We have to be strong enough to resist the impulse to dip our hands into that collectivistic pot. It is tempting to believe in the notion that all of our needs will be taken care of by a benevolent government. But it comes with a steep price. And remember this, my friends, once freedom is lost it is only regained with the shedding of blood.

We have allowed this gang of socialists, communists, leftists, Democrats, liberals, environmentalist nut jobs, and Occupiers to gain almost total control over us. They hold the United States Senate. They are plotting to regain control of the House of Representatives. They control the Presidency. They hold seats on the Supreme Court and on countless lesser courts of law. They control the Main Stream Media. They control higher education. The teacher unions, for all practical purposes, control secondary education. They have infiltrated our religions, giving us people like the Rev. Wright, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton. They control large segments of our economy. And they are very close to victory. Does that scare you? It should. We have appeased this conspiracy because (1) we didn’t want to offend them, and (2) we shoved our heads in the sand in hopes that they would disappear. Well, they haven’t disappeared. And, thankfully, millions of Americans now realize the danger and are banding together to fight this monstrosity. Some, like me, fight them on Twitter. Millions more are fighting on Facebook. Countless others are lambasting liberals at Town Hall meetings. Others fight simply by removing their children from public schools in order to avoid the forced indoctrination of communist philosophy and instead are homeschooling their children. Others are showing the courage of running for public office. And tens of millions more stand ready to vote this disease out of office. We need them all. On this Super Tuesday, it is my hope that we can finally unite behind a single candidate. We need to bring this primary season to a close, decide on a candidate, and move on to the real fight against Obama and his gang that seek to enslave us.

In conclusion, I find solace in the words of Ronald Reagan.

“You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this, the last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children’s children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done.”

May God bless you all, my dear patriots. We have arrived at that rendezvous with destiny foreseen by Ronald Reagan. We have until November 6, 2012 to proclaim liberty to all the land. I pray that our efforts will be successful.

Night at The Barrys

“Am I at Sears— in the Craftsman Department? There sure seem to be a lot of liberal tools here today.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! My name is Al Gore and I approve of this massage! We are gathered here tonight for this auspicious inaugural presentation of The Barrys, the premiere annual awards ceremony of the world’s leftist movement—and I use the term “movement” in its loosest sense of the word. Oh, sorry Anthony Weiner, you’re not up for any awards tonight…the operative word here being “up.” Just kidding, Anthony, I’m sure the Academy of the Bourgeoisie will deem you worthy of at least a minor award for Stand-up Comedy in an Unsupportable Role. Don’t let it go to your head, Anthony. We both realize your performance wasn’t really award-worthy. But, just like you, we decided to bend the rules a little this season, be a little less rigid, and see what pops up!

[The crowd goes stark-raving mad.]

“Knock it off, you guys. Anthony Weiner is a stand-up guy.

“Oh, did everyone hear about the giant lobster that was snared off the coast of Maine earlier this week? I understand it sounds exactly like Lady Gaga if you drop it in a pot of boiling water! Gaga or Caca? I never could get the pronunciation straight. Which seems only fair considering this is Barney Frank’s swan song. Speaking of Barney Frank, have you heard what kind of wedding gown he will be wearing? Wait for it. Drum roll, please…he’ll be wearing a hospital gown with a lace bodice! Rimshot! Thank you, folks, I’ll be here all week! Oh, sit down Barney. I’m almost done here. The end is in sight!

“It’s great to see you here tonight, Jay Carney. Say, are you old enough yet to drink? Yeah, I remember when I had my first beer, too. Guys, is it just me or does it strike you as odd that Doogie Howser is now the White House Press Secretary? Say, Jay, just what kind of a puppet are you? Is someone pulling your strings? Yeah? Well, then how to you explain that flap in the back of your pants? Really, Jay, you want me to shut up? Man, I’m offended! Fine, I’ll try to explain it to you, okay? Look, Jay, if you find yourself at a party full of liberals and have nothing to say, you may just be a little anti-socialist!

“Ladies and gentlemen, ever wondered why Michelle planted a garden at the White House? It’s simple, really. Barry needs to grow a set of vegetables! You remember Barry, don’t you? Obama the brilliant? So brilliant he glows (grows) in the dark! Speaking of growing in the dark… Mushroom. When Michelle gets in the limo there’s not mushroom left!

“♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ Some people claim that it’s Booooosh we should Blaaaaame… But I know… It’s the jug-eared-Marxist-corruptocrat- dope’s own fault! ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬.

“That concludes tonight’s opening monologue. [Riotous cheering]  You’ve all walked the red carpet (is there really any other kind?) to get in here and now it is time to present our award winners. Ladies and gentlemen I give you Al Sharpton and Maxine Waters, our first set of presenters!”

[Wild applause]

Sharpton: “Maxie, is it true that your parents are siblings?”

Waters: “Put a cork in it, Al, or I’m going to bring Tawana up here to give her side of the story.”

Sharpton: “Ahem. We are here tonight to present the award for Writing (Original Propaganda).”

Waters: “Nominees are:

  • Hair Plugs—Written by Joe Biden.
  • Once Upon a Time in First Class—Written by Alec Baldwin
  • A Taco Too Far—Written by Michael Moore
  • My WikiLeaks!—Written by Julian Assange
  • Debbie Does Doofus—Written by Debbie Wasserman Schultz.”

Sharpton: “The envelope, please.”

Waters: “Here you go, Al!”

Sharpton: “Thank you.”

Sharpton seizes the envelope, which is nothing but a symbol of oppression because it doesn’t take into account the needs of the proletariat, and tears it open. “And the winner is…Debbie Does Doofus—Written by Debbie Wasserman Schultz!”

Waters: “Oh, I’m soooo excited! Debbie Does Congress, too! And while she’s making her way to the stage let me tell you that Debbie almost makes Howard Dean seem reasonable! Oh, yeah, Debbie Does Demagoguery, as well!”

Sharpton: “Gotta say this for Debbie Downer…at least she admitted that Anthony Weiner was beatable!”

Waters: “And here she is, members of the Academy! Debbie needs no introduction. This woman puts the capital L in Loon! Her belfry is wanting of bats…But hey, if you makes you libs happy…”

Wasserman-Schultz: “I resent the allegation by the Republican Party Chairman that I look like a poodle on crack. I also take umbrage with another nasty rumor going around that I am nothing but a Brillo Pad with lips! In fact, I am totally offended by the lies that are being spread by the fear-mongering worms on the other side of the aisle about each and every one of us! Why, just this morning I heard the obnoxious statement that four out of five liberals suffer from diarrhea but the other one enjoys it! Nevertheless, I deem it an honor to have been recognized for my work this past year as Chairwoman of the Democratic National Committee. I may have received this award but it belongs to us all. Well, everyone except Alec Bardwin: the Rosa Parks of fat white middle age celebrity millionaire First Class cabin iPhone addicts. I beat you, Alec!

Wasserman-Schultz stomps off stage, afraid that her tightly-wound hair might come un-kinked before she can exit stage left. Sean Penn and Richard Gere approach the podium to present the next award.

Penn: “You may have noticed that my co-presenter looks a little stressed out tonight. Nothing serious, folks, but FYI, Richard had to go to the hospital again last night. He had to get a mole removed.”

Gere: “No offense to my esteemed colleague, but I’m not the only one feeling sick tonight. Have you heard that Hugo Chavez has gone back to Cuba for more surgery?”

Penn shows the appropriate amount of righteous concern. Camera fades back to Gere.

Gere: “Yeah, Chavez is feeling so bad these days that he looks like an extra evil Joy Behar.”

Penn: “Getting down to business, Richard and I are here to present the award for Best Commie in a Supporting Role.”

Gere: “The nominees are:

  • Van Jones in “Bovine Spokesman”—Nominated for his demonstrated fluency in speaking bull
  • Sonia Sotomayor in “I Refuse to Recuse”—Nominated for her courageous defense of ObamaCare
  • Michelle Obama in “They’re Not Heavy, They’re my Butt Cheeks”—Nominated for excellence in licking fat from a frying pan
  • Nancy Pelosi in “It’s a Stretch. Autobiography of a Botox Queen”—Nominated for proving that aliens do indeed live among us
  • Ted Kennedy in “Sobriety, the New Paradigm”—Nominated on behalf of his deceased liver which taught us all that he could liquor.

Penn: “And the winner is…Michelle Obama!”

Gere: Unbelievable! I’m so proud of my country tonight!”

Penn: “It was an admirable selection considering that Michelle is not a wise Latina woman. Come to think of it we aren’t even sure if she is a woman at all!”

The newly reinforced stairs creak under the strain as Michelle lumbers up on to the stage.

Michelle: “Give me lobsters or give me death!”

[An embarrassed hush falls over the auditorium.]

Michelle: “Uhhhh….oops. Wrong speech! That’s for tomorrow night in the Barbados down at Bennie’s Crab Shack and Fundraiser!”

[The crowd goes wild as Michelle recovers nicely from that little pratfall.]

Michelle: “I’d like to thank all the little people. I couldn’t have done it without you. I especially couldn’t have done it without the press corpse—which reminds me, Helen Thomas looks like a possum hugging an evil sweet potato. Speaking of yams and such last week Barry walked into a bar with a duck. The bartender spotted them coming in through the door and said “Where did you get the jackass?” My husband felt obliged to explain to the bartender that “It’s a duck.” The Bartender replied “I was speaking to the duck!”

“Let me tell you, it isn’t easy being the First Lady. In fact it can be downright dangerous. Just last month I was on vacation in the Amazon rain forest and I started a forest fire just because I was wearing a pair of corduroys!

“As you know I’m in the middle of my anti-obesity campaign. It is my commitment to bio-genetic diversity that keeps me going. But this important work certainly has its challenges. Why, right now my Gene Splicer is busy making a golem using genes from Billy Mays and Joe Biden. It shouts while projectile vomiting someone else’s slime—which is rather messy but also quite rewarding for me as I am used as a secret weapon by my husband’s re-election campaign.

“Thank you all for his honor. It was such a surprise! I’m humbled. I’m proud. And yes, I’m hungry! I love you all. Supercalifragilisticbarryisatrocious! I try to live by the adage: You scratch my back; I’ll let you know when to stop!”

A forklift enters stage right and hauls Michelle off to dinner at Luigi’s. Hear that crumbling sound? It’s just civilization, that’s all.

Al Gore appears on stage once more and says “I have the pleasure of presenting to you the most prestigious trophy of them all. The nominees for Best Bolshevik are:

  • Barry O’Bama in “My Little Irish Wedding
  • Hugo Chavez in “Go to the Light!
  • Anthony Weiner in “Unerectable
  • Hillary Clinton in “Shut up, Chelsea. You’ll Never be the Man your Mother is.”
  • Janet Reno in “Face Donor.”

[A murmur of excitement fills the hall as the highlight of the night arrives.

The suspense is palpable.]

Al Gore decides to prolong the moment by telling a little joke. “Which of the following does not belong: AIDS, gonorrhea, herpes, or Barack Obama? Gonorrhea — it can be cured!”

Al Gore, noticing Barry in the front row, center, continued down an ill-advised road. “Hey, Barack, as Johnny Carson once observed about people like you “He couldn’t ad lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner!”

Gore saw time was running out and, wanting the award to be presented in prime time, got down to business. “And the winner is…ready for it? And the winner is…Barry O’Bama!”

As if there was any doubt. You don’t hold an awards ceremony named after yourself unless you also rig the election.

Barry runs up on the stage, looks at the worthless brass and wood trophy shaped like a Chevy Volt and cries “Wow! I could have had a V-8 instead!”

As Barry left the stage, crying in his beer, Al Gore had one last quip. “I can’t wait for the USS Obama…it’ll cost a trillion to build, veer sharply to the left and be registered to another country! Good night, folks. See you next year!”

Frankly Barney, You Won’t Be Missed

When I learned Cong. Barney Frank (D–Libertine) was retiring after 30 years in the House, my first thought was don’t let the door hit you in the behind. That’s because Frank personifies everything that’s wrong with the political class currently infesting our nation’s capitol.

Frank is morally, politically and ethically corrupt. This Democrat party leader helped produce a nation that’s economically crippled and morally adrift. He may be the Congressman from Taxachusetts, but everyone is enjoying his legacy.

When the first warnings regarding the housing bubble were sounded Frank was rabid in his defense of federally supported Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac’s ‘come one, come all’ lending practices. Frank stated, “I do not want the same kind of focus on safety and soundness. I want to roll the dice a little bit more in this situation towards subsidized housing.”

What Frank didn’t say was that he had used his influence as a member of the House Financial Services Committee to land his homosexual lover a job at Fannie Mae. So while Frank was rolling our dice his boyfriend was one of the croupiers.

Herman Cain may have been squeezin’ the Charmin while he was head of the National Restaurant Association, but I guarantee he didn’t twist arms at Denny’s to get them to hire his sweetie.

Unfortunately, Frank’s roll of the dice came up snake eyes for the rest of us as we continue to endure the Great Recession.
Are foreclosed homes lowering your property values and contributing to the decline of your neighborhood? Thank Barney Frank.

Are you having trouble refinancing because loan documentation is causing you to jump through hoop after hoop? Is getting a loan to buy a new home impossible because down payment requirements have skyrocketed? Or is selling your home difficult because every appraisal is low–balled? Thank Barney Frank.

Are your annual dues increasing while your homeowner’s association is simultaneously cutting back on services due to budget deficits caused by foreclosures? Thank Barney Frank.

Is your retirement nest egg now your retirement embryo after your 401k tanked? Thank Barney Frank.
Lacking any moral compass, Frank doesn’t feel any shame over what his advocacy and legislative record caused. He doesn’t fade into the background. Instead, as Chairman of the Financial Services Committee, he co–authors the Frank–Dodd financial reform legislation that’s supposed to repair what he’s destroyed.

Only in Democrat party politics does the master of the disaster get to write the legislation that’s supposed to clean up the mess. At least the captain of the Titanic had the decency to go down with his ship. Frank would have demanded a seat in the lifeboat so he could direct the rescue.

But why shouldn’t Frank feel entitled? His longevity is a product of a gerrymandered district that made him impervious to public opinion. Frank’s first scandal involved putting a live–in homosexual hustler and convicted drug dealer on his House office payroll. Frank used his position to fix parking tickets for his roommate and later lied to a Virginia prosecutor who was investigating the prostitution ring the hustler was running out of Frank’s townhouse.

Then Frank finds a new boyfriend and puts him on the job at Fannie Mae. Now Frank’s latest paramour is growing marijuana in their home, but who knows, maybe Massachusetts voters believe progressing from prostitution ring landlord to in–home illegal agriculture is progress.

Barney Frank’s personal and political record is a living endorsement of term limits. He survived for 30 years because his district was drawn to prevent Republicans from running and Democrat political insiders prevented primary opponents from challenging him.

Term limits would prevent much of that insider gaming of the political system. There is simply no reason for someone to be in Congress for 30 years.

And please spare me the “seniority means we have more clout” argument. Seniority rewards longevity, not productivity. If your elected representative is able, your district will have influence.

There is a perfect example near where I live in Virginia. Del. Jackson Miller (R–Manassas) was just elected Majority Whip by the Republican caucus in the House of Delegates. This puts him number four in the House hierarchy, yet he’s only been in office since 2006. Miller didn’t have to get arthritis in service of the public before his merit was recognized.

The average tenure of a CEO in business is six years; surely a Congressman can do enough to have a post office named after him in twelve.

Good riddance to Barney Frank. Now if only two or three hundred members would follow him out the door there might be a chance to change the incestuous culture in Washington.

Green Libs and Rahm

I am Bam.

I am Bam.
Bam I am.

That Bam-I-am!
That Bam-I-am!
I do not like
that Bam-I-am!

Do you like
green libs and Rahm?

I do not like them,
Bam-I-am.
I do not like
green libs and Rahm.

Would you like them
on Wall Street?

I would not like them
on Wall Street.
I would not like them
eating meat.
I do not like
green libs and Rahm.
I do not like them,
Bam-I-am.

Would you like them
in the House?
Would you like them
as your spouse?

I do not like them
in the House.
I do not like them
as my spouse.
I do not like them
on Wall Street.
I do not like them
eating meat.
I do not like green libs and Rahm.
I do not like them, Bam-I-am.

Anthony Weiner

Would you like them
as a Weiner?
Would you like them
for your deener?

Not as a Weiner.
Not as my deener.
Not in the House.
Not as my spouse.
I would not like them Barney Frank.
I would not like them they smell rank.
I would not like green libs and Rahm.
I do not like them, Bam-I-am.

Would you? Could you?
With Joe Biden?
Like them! Like them!
Mouth be widen.

I would not,
could not,
with Joe Biden.

You may like libs.
You will see.
You may like libs
Eat a pea!

I would not, eat a little pea.
Not with Biden! You let me be.

I do not like them as a Weiner.
I do not like them for my deener.
I do not like them in the House.
I do not like them as my spouse.
I do not like them on Wall Street.
I do not like them eating meat.
I do not like green libs and Rahm.
I do not like them, Bam-I-am.

A Pelosi! A Pelosi!
A Pelosi! A Pelosi!
Could you, would you,
with Pelosi?

Not with some Botox! Not with a pea!
Not with Pelosi! Bam! Let me be!

I would not, could not, as a Weiner.
I could not, would not, for my deener.
I will not like them in the House.
I will not like them dirty louse.
I will not like them on Wall Street.
I will not like them with some meat.
I do not like green libs and Rahm.
I do not like them, Bam-I-am.

Say!
With Eric Holder?
Here with Eric Holder!
Would you, could you, with Eric Holder?

I would not, could not,
with Eric Holder.

Would you, could you, with Debbie Downer?

I would not, could not,
with Debbie Downer.
Not in the House. Not on TV.
Not as a Weiner. Not as my deener.
I do not like them, Bam, you see.

Not with a Barney. Not as a Frank.
Not as a Weiner. Not with his crank.
I will not like them on Wall Street.
I do not like them eating meat!

You do not like
green libs and Rahm?

I do not
like them,
Bam-I-am.

Could you, would you,
with Michelle?

I would not,
could not,
with Michelle!

Would you, could you,
were she in Hell?

I could not, would not, with Michelle.
I will not, will not, though she’s in Hell.
I will not like them Barney Frank.
I will not like them they smell rank.
Not as a Weiner! Not as my deener!
Not in the House! Not as my spouse!
I do not like them on Wall Street.
I do not like them eating meat.
I do not like green libs and Rahm.
I do not like them, Bam-I-am.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them ANYWHERE!

I do not like
green libs and Rahm!
I do not like them,
Bam-I-am.

You do not like them.
So you say.
Try them! Try them!
And you may.
Try them and you may, I say.

Bam!
If you will let me be,
I will try them.
You will see.

Say!
I still hate green libs and Rahm!
I do! I hate them, Bam-I-am!
And I won’t like them as a Weiner.
And I won’t like them for my deener.
And I won’t like them in the House.
Or on Wall Street. Or as my spouse.
Or with some Botox, or with a pea.
They are so awful, bad, you see!

So I won’t eat them like a pea,
While watching Biden on TV.
And I won’t like them in the House.
And I won’t like them filthy louse.
And I won’t like them like a Weiner
And I won’t like them for my deener.
AND I won’t like them here or there.
Say! I don’t like them ANYWHERE!

I do so hate
green libs and Rahm!
Screw You!
Screw You,
Bam-I-am!

—PolarCoug (With an assist compliments of Dr. Seuss!)

Never trust a Vegetable: Not even Joe Biden

So, there’s good old Joe Biden, swimming in a sea of Testosterone, shouting to the world that the Republicans’ opposition to Barack the Wonderful’s jobs bill is going to be the catalyst for more rapes in America. Now doesn’t that just hack your Weiner? Stand up, Joe, let ‘em see ya! Well, not all of ‘ya, just the part that rapes America.

Smokin’ Joe just doesn’t get the irony. Perhaps we should send him a box of cigars and a blue dress to help him remember just which political party’s president came closer to rape than any other chief executive in the history of our republic. Can’t you just envision Biden asking Slick Willie after the fact: “Did you get your stimulus, Bill?” We’re not just talkin’ rape here. We’re talkin’ rape rape. Like Anthony Weiner, Joe Biden is his own Wurst Enemy.

The fact of the matter is that the Democratic Party routinely takes the position that sexual perversions are a-okay just as long as the perverter, so to speak, is an enlightened liberal.

Joe Biden

In other words, the Democratic party aids and abets rape, abortion, homosexuality, beastiality, pedophilia, fornication, voyeurism, exhibitionism, paraphilia, bigamy, public masturbation, gerbils coming out of Gere, congressmen’s roommates running homosexual prostitution rings out of their apartment, and a wide assortment of other twisted behaviors limited only by the imaginations of the most vile assortment of sexy socialists on the planet. The Democrats have no morals. Well, that’s not exactly true. They are, in fact, immoral, amoral, and Balmoral (that Scottish castle has a most unfortunate moniker).

Neal A. Maxwell correctly pegged the decline of our civilization to the decline in morality in a speech a quarter of a century ago:

Those committed to the keeping of the stern but sweet seventh commandment in a time of increasing immorality will need to be special. Average won’t do now, anymore than average was adequate in the days of Sodom and Gomorrah.

Civilizations as well as souls are at stake. One scholar who studied dozens of civilizations forecast that in “the struggle between nations, those who cling to chastity will, in all likelihood, keep the upper hand”—and a commentator added “[because] they try to keep intact the family which promiscuity and homosexuality tend to destroy” (The Human Life Review, Spring 1978, p. 71).
—Neal A. Maxwell

There is a funny thing about morals, or the lack thereof. People (read Democrats/ Liberals / Socialists/ Communists/ Envirowacko nutjobs/ OWS freaks) who exist at the lower end of the moral spectrum simply can’t comprehend that other people can live on a higher moral plane than themselves. It is beyond their comprehension. They think that everyone on this rock spinning around the sun is just as depraved as they are. Hence, we see prominent Democrats attempting to equate conservative political positions to moral depravity… Paging Joe Biden. Paging Joe Biden. Please pick up the white courtesy telephone for the big picture. Paging Joe Biden. Paging Joe Biden…

Joe must have some hair plugs in too tight. In case Biden still doesn’t get it, this is a big effing deal. Doesn’t it just give you a little pause every time Biden accuses other people of committing rape? Doesn’t that just say something about where Biden is in his heart?

Henry Fairlie has written perceptively in his book The Seven Deadly Sins Today concerning how “the lustful person will usually be found to have a terrible hollowness at the center of his life” and about “the desert he has made of himself and his life” (Washington, D.C.: New Republic Books, 1978, p. 187). “Lust,” wrote Fairlie, “is not interested in its partners, but only in the gratification of its own craving. … Lust dies at the next dawn, and when it returns in the evening, to search where it may, it is with its own past erased” (Seven Sins, p. 175).

Those so drained by sensuality do, in fact, seek to compensate for their loneliness by sensations. However, in the arithmetic of appetite, anything multiplied by zero still totals zero!

—Neal A. Maxwell

 

Don’t you just get the irresistible urge to gently plink Biden on the head with a rubber mallet just to listen to the hollow sound bouncing around between his ears? Perhaps Biden has this proclivity for repeatedly saying stupid stuff simply because he is hollow, lustful, and lonely? Paging Dr. Sigmund Freud. Pick up on Line 2 for a lustful politician. Paging Dr. Sigmund Freud…

Biden’s verbal jousts hit at the core of something besides morality. The other issue at stake is honesty. Do we really believe that Biden is sincere? Now that’s entirely possible, but doubtful. Biden is a political animal. Despite his penchant for tripping all over his tongue, the fact of the matter is that Biden is perfectly aware that, stripped of all spin, he is merely sputtering lies.

The late James E. Faust, a Democrat, had this to say about honesty. Are you paying attention, Joe?

There are different shades of truth telling. When we tell little white lies, we become progressively color-blind. It is better to remain silent than to mislead. The degree to which each of us tells the whole truth and nothing but the truth depends on our conscience. David Casstevens of the Dallas Morning News tells a story about Frank Szymanski, a Notre Dame center in the 1940s, who had been called as a witness in a civil suit at South Bend, Indiana.

“Are you on the Notre Dame football team this year?” the judge asked.

“Yes, Your Honor.”

“What position?”

“Center, Your Honor.”

“How good a center?”

Szymanski squirmed in his seat, but said firmly, “Sir, I’m the best center Notre Dame has ever had.”

Coach Frank Leahy, who was in the courtroom, was surprised. Szymanski always had been modest and unassuming. So when the proceedings were over, he took Szymanski aside and asked why he had made such a statement. Szymanski blushed. “I hated to do it, Coach,” he said. “But, after all, I was under oath.”

—James E. Faust

 

Joe Biden might as well be a cocker spaniel. After all, he has achieved that blessed state of color-blindness. Biden knows in his heart that anything said or done in an attempt to deceive is nothing but a lie. Biden’s equating of opposition to Obama’s jobs bill to rape is nothing but a lie, and Joe knows it. He won’t admit it, but he knows it.

Public virtue, which expects men to rise above self-interest and to act in the public interest with wisdom and courage, was so evident in leaders like George Washington, who, we used to declare, could never tell a lie, and Abraham Lincoln, known as “Honest Abe.” In the past few years we have seen “official after official—both on the national and the local political scene—put self-interest … above the larger public interest. …

“Men and women have … been removed from federal office and even gone to jail in our times because they exceeded the limits set by the framers [of our Constitution and God’s commandments]” (Charles A. Perry, “Religious Assumptions Undergird the Entire U. S. Constitution,” Deseret News, 27 Sept. 1987, p. A-19).

One reason for the decline in moral values is that the world has invented a new, constantly changing and undependable standard of moral conduct referred to as “situational ethics.” Now, individuals define good and evil as being adjustable according to each situation; this is in direct contrast to the proclaimed God-given absolute standard: “Thou shalt not!”—as in “Thou shalt not steal” (Ex. 20:15).
—David B. Haight

Joe Biden is a national embarrassment. He accuses his political opponents, while the truth is that he likely has an immoral heart deep inside the very essence of his soul. He shamelessly lies on the national stage, taking advantage of his high political position in the hopes that his political office will lend credence to his dishonesty. But he doesn’t seem to realize that his hopes are in vain. All he does is demean himself with his lies. The public long ago realized it made a mistake in electing Obama and Biden. Biden is history, and he knows it. But Biden intends to go down fighting. Hence the lies and the accusations on Biden’s part.

We need more integrity in government. We need to be governed by men and women who are undivided in honorable purpose, whose votes and decisions are not for sale to the highest bidder. We need as our elected and appointed officials those whose characters are unsullied, whose lives are morally clean and open, who are not devious, selfish, or weak. We need men and women of courage and honest convictions, who will stand always ready to be counted for their integrity and not compromise for expediency, lust for power, or greed; and we need a people who will appreciate and support representatives of this caliber.
—N. Eldon Tanner.

 

Biden is the perfect example of the type of person who shouldn’t be in public office. In November, 2012 we will have the opportunity to rectify the error.

Biden’s argument for remaining in office can be summed up thusly: Hope and change through dope and mange. All we are saying … is give fleas a chance.

America’s response to Biden’s sophist argument can be summed up as well: Do not ask for whom the bus rolls. It rolls for thee.

Obama is full of Schmidt

Obama. The very word tends to remind the sane among us of a dirty word – that which we would rather not utter. For the scarce conservatives in the Hollywood set it is shades of Harry Potter and “he who shall not be named.” For the elitist snobs stuffing Grey Poupon-soaked finger foods up their haughty snouts it is reminiscent of themselves-demanding to be waited on hand and foot–while simultaneously championing themselves as everyman. But, quite frankly, he just reminds me of his own Cyber-Security Coordinator, Howard A. Schmidt.

Despite getting slapped around like a wet noodle in the Virginia, New Jersey, and Massachusetts elections, Captain Kickass shoved nationalized healthcare past our firmly-clenched teeth while claiming we’d love it once we understood it.

Horse Schmidt

Bull Schmidt. He knows we hate it. But his overinflated communist ego just can’t let go. And this narcissistic piece of human debris is pumped up by his staff of brainless values-perverting whiners. More Schmidt.

Obama is living proof that Richard Gere was right–you can get a tingle in your leg when a gerbil takes up residence in your rectum. In fact, the clueless liberal-media-parroting pantywaists like Chris Matthews have already admitted to feeling the tingle. That gerbil must really be feeling the love now that Obama is getting kicked around like an angry toil-spill loving surrender monkey. But Obama, the most unhinged moonbat of them all, still doesn’t get it. Oh, he claims he gets it. He claims to be listening. But is he really? Don’t count on it. He’s bringing back that pathetic tyranny-promoting pansy, David Plouffe, to calm the seas of the midterm elections so that as many brainless morality-destroying ecoweenies as possible remain in Congress. Schmidt happens.

So, why have I decided to expand my ramblings beyond 140 characters on Twitter? Simple, Obama is full of Schmidt. If I don’t, I realize I could be up Schmidt creek without a paddle – just like the rest of the country. Yeah, I know. No Schmidt! I’m already living a full life. I’ve got things to do just like everybody else, but I know if I don’t get my Schmidt together and write this blog then I’m not doing everything I can to resist this would-be tin-horn dictator’s power grab.

Basically, everything Obama says is a load of Schmidt. And I offer up myself as an opposing viewpoint. Despite what Obama would have you believe, the majority in this country still give a Schmidt about what goes on here. We know that everything he says is a load of Schmidt. We know he’s been a real Schmidt to his own half-brother in Kenya (which gives us a clue how he wants to treat us). We know we won’t have Schmidt to live on if Obama manages to transform America into a mirror image of his screwed-up soul.

So here I am, one lonely penguin against Obama and his corrupt Chicago machine politics. I kind of like the odds. My intention is that I’m going to be a thorn in his side and that by the time he is kicked out of office he’ll be Schmidting bricks. So, Obama, keep it up, your lunacy is some funny Schmidt. And I intend to take advantage of that fact. Game on.

P.S. Frankly, Obama, just like Scott Brown, I don’t give a truck about you – or the Prius you rode in on.