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Author Archive for Brian Drake

Reinventing the Founders, or: A Response to Jill Lepore on July 4th, 2014

Reinventing the Founders, or: A Response to Jill Lepore on July 4th, 2014

While sipping my tea this wonderful July 4th, I came across an article on Bill Moyers’ site where the author stated that the Founders would not recognize the Tea Party or their ideas; in fact, they would be appalled by them. Jill Lepore, the author of the piece, seems to know her subject, and she […]

Lessons Learned the Day I Refused to Vote

Lessons Learned the Day I Refused to Vote

There is no worse feeling in the world than knowing your vote doesn’t count. I’m a white male conservative who lives in California, and I can hear one of you saying, “There’s your problem,” and you’re right, that is a problem. The white male conservative vote (and, for that matter, the white female conservative vote) […]

How the Left Learned to Love the Military; or: At Least the VA Scandal has Vanished

How the Left Learned to Love the Military; or: At Least the VA Scandal has Vanished

Honestly, friends, I really tried to give the President the benefit of the doubt when news of the Bergdhal prisoner exchange broke. I really did. We trade prisoners all the time, the war is winding down, etc., etc., everybody just calm down because if we’re going to get on Obama for this we might as […]

You Can't Keep a Good Chef Down

You Can’t Keep a Good Chef Down

Here’s a story of a man’s dream, how he failed, and how he bounced back. A couple of years ago a friend took me to a restaurant called Roderick’s. My pal, John, was from Memphis, and said Roderick’s made the absolute best southern bar-be-cue outside of Tennessee. He was already on a first-name basis with […]

Donald Sterling and the Crime of Opinion

Donald Sterling and the Crime of Opinion

Donald Sterling is the owner of LA Clippers basketball team who, you may recall, was allegedly caught on tape talking about how he really doesn’t like black people. His thoughts and ideas were recorded by his girl friend, who isn’t white, so he’s not a racist as long as the woman is hot. Typical white […]

Liberal Worry: A Good Thing for the Good Guys

Liberal Worry: A Good Thing for the Good Guys

Look, ma, the liberals are crying. Why are they crying, Timmy? Because America isn’t buying their crap anymore. We don’t use language like that, Timmy. Regardless of your choice of words, I came across a poll today that I think Timmy summarizes correctly, and it’s worth a mention because you’re not likely to see it […]

Cows Cause Global Warming, but Obama Has a Plan

Cows Cause Global Warming, but Obama Has a Plan

We learn today of a new effort by the Obama administration to further curb global warming, or climate change, whatever they’re calling it now, by regulating cow flatulence. Apparently cows have a greater carbon footprint than all the SUVs in Beverly Hills, and they’re flatulence is killing us. Don’t worry; Obama has a plan. You […]

The Olympics Are Bush's Fault, Too

The Olympics Are Bush’s Fault, Too

Are you watching the Olympics? It’s not doing too badly in the ratings; in fact, the ratings for the programming are outperforming US athletes! The US beating Russia in hockey was a nice flashback to 1980, but, basically, we suck this time out. As of this writing, we’re 7th place in gold medals, our athletes […]

Jesus is All Right With Abortion

Jesus is All Right With Abortion

Recently a comedian named Sarah Silverman posted a video on the internet where she interviewed Jesus, or, really, a white person pretending to be Jesus, because we all know the real Jesus was an average-looking Jewish man. Sarah Silverman is obsessed with abortion, and she asked this incarnation of Jesus if killing babies was OK. […]

Classic Christmas Movies Where Stuff Blows Up Real Good

Classic Christmas Movies Where Stuff Blows Up Real Good

Merry Christmas, friends! ’tis the season to enjoy family and friends and watch sentimental slop on TV like “It’s Wonderful Life” and “A Christmas Story” which warms the heart and makes you feel good to be alive. But there are some of us who find those films anethema to our hard-boiled sensibilities and we need […]

My Take on Phil Robertson, Or: Christians Need to WAKE UP!!

My Take on Phil Robertson, Or: Christians Need to WAKE UP!!

Everybody get out your guns and point them at me, because I’m about to say something scandalous. I have no love for the Robertson family or their duck show. Seeing them on television makes me understand why Elvis put a bullet through one of his television sets back in the day. I don’t know what […]

Dreams Upon a Rocketship

Dreams Upon a Rocketship

Perhaps you can understand when I say that as I get closer to 40, I’m starting to think about years gone by more and more, usually with “what if I had done something different” in mind, and this article about a boy who wants to be an astronaut made me think about how, at his age, I […]

Don’t you Dare Talk Healthcare for the Holidays!

This is really a new low for President Box o’Rocks, and that’s saying a lot. Not only is he corrupting the country and bringing us down to a level below Canada, now he wants to hijack Christmas. He wants his Kool-Aid drinking minions to talk about how great Obamacare is during Christmas dinner. His operatives have […]

There's Always a Scrooge

There’s Always a Scrooge

So I was almost arrested last Saturday for causing a whole heap o’ trouble. About 20 church friends and I flash-mobbed three places to sing Christmas carols, and nothing but joy was spread at the first two places. Ninety-percent of the audience ignored us but 10% joined in. You’ll always find a Scrooge somewhere, though, and when […]

The California GOP Has a Mexican!

The California GOP Has a Mexican!

Here in California the race for governor is already starting. So far, Tea Party candidate Tim Donnelly has announced his candidacy, and State Senator Abel Maldonado has also put up a website announcing his intentions to run for the big chair in Sacramento. There are murmurs among my Tea Party pals that Mr. Donnelly is […]