The people have been so informed that the future Queen of America will announce her path to succession this Sunday.
Ah, the beautiful ceremony a royal crowning is to behold.
It is the pomp: props, decorations, music and the plumage – all so that the little people can rejoice in the coronation of their next Queen – Her majesty, Queen Hillary – direct heir to the throne of His Majesty, King Barack. The announcement cements the pre-determined succession of one royal leader to the next and begins the 18 month long journey the successor must take on her journey to become America’s next monarch.
The Republican candidates headed into the 2016 primary are many and varied, but the Democrat leadership chooses its candidates for their consituents – do they not believe that the common folk can choose the best candidate for the general election on their own?
The DNC will likely push some ill-fated, no-chance alternative to Hillary like V.P. Joe Biden, Sen. Bernie Saders or Gov. Martin O’Malley just to show that the chosen one had earned her crown by battling it out against serious competition… or something.
The Republicans will have a cadre of suitors battling it out in debates and the media ensuring that the survivor emerges with blood, egg and stench on them while our future Queen steps forward unblemished and victorious having won against a clearly inferior challenger.
Her Majesty’s campaign has a set of guiding principles. Every guideline seems to scream “we know we’re going to get the nomination, but we just can’t act like it.” According to Fox News, the memo states the following:
“We Are Hillary For America.”
to give every family, every small business, and every American a path to lasting prosperity by electing Hillary Clinton the next President of the United States.”
“This campaign is not about Hillary Clinton and not about us — it’s about the everyday Americans who are trying to build a better life for themselves and their families,” the memo says
The memo concludes with a series of guiding principles that include:
“We are disciplined: driven every day by strategy, not tactics or one offs. We know there will be tough days, but we will bounce back and get back to work. We take risks, always measuring with empirical data to establish best practices.”
“We are humble: we take nothing for granted, we are never afraid to lose, we always out-compete and fight for every vote we can win. We know this campaign will be won on the ground, in states.”
“We are responsible: we always remember and appreciate the generosity of millions of people who invest their time and resources in Hillary Clinton and in us.”
It ends by telling recipients: “We are guided by Hillary’s bedrock values of hard work, service, fairness, and faith in the American Dream.”
The people certainly wish to understand this Royal Proclamation so we attempt some clarity:
Queen Hillary seeks to “give every family, every small business, and every American a path to lasting prosperity.”
Do most Americans look to their leadership to show them how they should make a living?
Americans used to expect the government to simply defend them, regulate inter-state trade, deal with foreign trade and resolve inter-state disagreements. Assuming that Americans want their leader to “give” them the path to prosperity assumes that the people are unable to make it on their own.
In return, Her Majesty only asks that Americans give her the crown that she so believes is rightly hers.