The Progressive Bible: Soros and the Burning Flag
3:1 Now Soros kept the flock of Kaine, the priest of Moronia: and he led the flock to the backside of the desert, and came to the mountain of Obama, even to Soetero.
3:2 And the angel of Obama appeared unto him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a burning American flag: and he looked, and, behold, the flag burned with fire, and the flag was not consumed.
3:3 And Soros said, I will now turn aside, and see this great sight, why the flag is not burnt.
3:4 And when Obama saw that he turned aside to see, Obama called unto him out of the midst of the flag, and said, Soros, Soros. And he said, Here am I.
3:5 And he said, Draw not nigh hither: put off thy shoes from off thy feet, for the place whereon thou standest is Ground Zero.
3:6 Moreover he said, I am Obama, the god of Matthews, the god of Meacham, and the god of Thomas. And Soros hid his face; for he was afraid to look upon Obama. For Obama, you see, was not fully white.
3:7 And Obama said, I have surely seen the affliction of my people which are in the ghetto, and have heard their cry by reason of their capitalist taskmasters; for I know their sorrows;
3:8 And I am come down to deliver them out of the hand of the capitalists, and to bring them up out of that land unto a good land and large, unto a land flowing with milk and honey; unto the place of the Reaganites, and the Bushites, and the Jeffersonians, and the Washingtonians, and the Jacksonians, and the Lincolnites.
3:9 Now therefore, behold, the cry of the Husseinites is come unto me: and I have also seen the oppression wherewith the Americans oppress them.
3:10 Come now therefore, and I will send thee unto the Pharaoh Bush II, that thou mayest bring forth my people the Muslims into America.
3:11 And Soros said unto Obama, Who am I, that I should go unto the Pharaoh Bush, and that I should bring forth the children of Obama out of America?
3:12 And he said, Certainly I will be with thee; and this shall be a token unto thee, that I have sent thee: When thou hast brought forth the people out of America, ye shall serve Obama upon this hill.
3:13 And Soros said unto Obama, Behold, when I come unto the children of Marxia, and shall say unto them, The dreams of my father hath sent me unto you; and they shall say to me, What is his name? what shall I say unto them?
3:14 And Obama said unto Soros, YES WE CAN: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Obama, YES WE CAN hath sent me unto you.
3:15 And Obama said moreover unto Soros, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Obama, the dreams of my father, the god of Matthews, the god of Meacham, and the god of Thomas, hath sent me unto you: this is my name for ever, and this is my memorial unto all generations.
3:16 Go, and gather the elders of the tribe of Obama together, and say unto them, the dreams of my father, the god of Matthews, of Meacham, and of Thomas, appearing on the cable news networks, saying, Obama is truly the messiah, yea, Obama is truly the One:
3:17 And I have said, I will bring them up out of the affliction of America to claim the land of the Reaganites, and the Bushites, and the Jeffersonians, and the Washingtonians, and the Jacksonians, and the Lincolnites, which has been told to be a land flowing with milk and honey.
3:18 And they shall hearken to mine echoing voice, and thy fat wallet: and thou shalt come, thou and the elders of Marxia, unto the king of America, and ye shall say unto him, Obama of the Husseinites hath met with us, and we seek fundamental change: and now let us go, we beseech thee, five days’ journey into the wilderness, that we may sacrifice for Obama.
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