Dear President Obama,
In reference to no. 2, I demand you put down the golf clubs, pull your head out of your nether-region, and work. As we are both members of the democratic government, no. 4 does not apply.
Following your administration’s arbitrary rules of conduct/law, I hereby give myself the title, “politician” and simultaneously give you the title of “pleb”, therefore I know better than you, how you should perform your duties. Continue to report to me for further instruction.

Disrespectfully yours.