How to Convert Your (Psycho) Liberal Girlfriend

Are you trapped in a hot relationship with a progressive plaything that is 100% based on physical attraction? Do you wish that your longing for this psycho lib lover was as much for her mind as her lady parts?

Well, you’re in luck. In just a few easy steps, you can illustrate to your lascivious liaison just how wrong left-wing ideology is without earning a PhD. in Psychiatry. Those with hang-ups about fifth-grade sex-ed language might want to check out.

Is your woman a ‘taker’ in the bedroom? Does she keep asking for more and more without any concept of just how much effort it takes to keep her satisfied? Well, introduce her to the concept of capitalist love-making by insisting on an oral trade agreement. You don’t go down, unless she goes down. She might even be introduced to math with a 69.

But what if she insists on coming first to the party and calls you ‘selfish’ if you don’t oblige? You can playfully ask if she would like to be forced into gratifying you for nothing in return, because that’s pretty much what the government does.

If she’s one of those freaky 50 shades types who gets off on BDSM, she might bite. After all, who but a masochist would vote for the Democrat Party over and over again without noticing that liberals make a mess of everything they touch? In that case, go to Plan B: role play.

Pretend that you are an IRS inspector and she’s in for a very invasive audit. She either opens everything up to you completely or it’s time to be fuzzy-handcuffed to the bed. For the sake of transparency, she must wear a see-through negligee.

“Oh, yes please!” she cries, much to your surprise. Time to go to the toolbox. Does she need the clamps put down on her? What might be learned with a more intensive probe?

If she still doesn’t understand the voluntary basis of an adult relationship, one could give her a real tongue-lashing. That might turn her on to the idea that she should give as well as receive.

As a last resort, one could call a bunch of strangers over for a piece of the action. After all, this is what happens every time the government redistributes your hard-earned cash to people you don’t know. You can even hold a vote on what is to be done, given that we live in a ‘democracy.’

Then again, she might be receptive to the idea, not understanding that it is okay to say ‘no’ to people who intend to take advantage of you. At this point, one should tell his disappointed friends to go home and that their intervention failed.

She might have ‘daddy’ issues and think that government is the father she never had. She should be spanked for voting Democrat and a riding crop might do the trick. Just don’t leave any marks or she will definitely call the authorities.

But if she still doesn’t see the light, one could blindfold her and say you’re the government and that there are no limits to what you are going to do to her. Essentially, that is what a country without a Constitution is: a coercive institution that will screw you at every turn and strip you of your rights. If all else fails to get through, it’s time for a break-up.