Klobuchar Eager to Return to Washington to Advance Teen Sci-Fi Romance Debate

Minnesota Senator Amy Klobuchar

Minnesota Senator Amy Klobuchar

“My main motivation this election cycle is winning the hearts of Minnesota voters so that I may return to the Senate chambers and push the key debate that is dividing this nation: Werewolf versus Vampire,” – Amy Klobuchar on 2012 Senate Race.

September 19, 2012 – Minneapoleft, Minnesota

Incumbent U.S. Senator and teen sci-fi romance aficionado, Amy Klobuchar (dyed-in-the-wool D-MN), revealed her motivation behind her 2012 reelection campaign in a recent press release: furthering the debate of werewolf versus vampire, referring to the ongoing debate of ‘Jacob versus Edward’ from the wildly popular teen sci-fi series, Twilight. The first-term Senator, whose nose pinocchioed during a December 2009 interview with Fox News’ Chris Wallace when she described the Obamacare legislative process as “fairly transparent,” recently issued a press release detailing her inspiration this election cycle. The release noted, in part, “The biggest issue facing American voters today is one of monstrous proportions: Team Jacob or Team Edward. If elected to a second term, I will fight for you to bring this issue to the Senate floor so the American people can hear an honest debate. Who should reign supreme: Jacob, a chiseled, principled, and yummy werewolf, or Edward, a soft-spoken, romantic, and scrumptious vampire?”

The announcement comes as no surprise to the politically-tuned electorate. Klobuchar, who left a career of lawyering to try an even less favorably-perceived career of legislating, was poised to be a key contributor during current Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan’s senate confirmation hearings. However, during the June 30th, 2010 confirmation hearing, which is meant to be a serious inquiry into potential Justice’s qualifications, Klobuchar cornered Kagan asking her to comment on “the famous case of Edward vs. Jacob, or the Vampire vs. the Werewolf.” Kagan, known to colleagues as ‘the Kaganator’ and rumored to have once squashed a neighbor’s trespassing puppy with her bare foot, shot back sharply at Klobuchar with a piercing “I wish you wouldn’t!” before rushing to catch a flight to Los Angeles where she was scheduled to play Kevin James in his self-directed auto-biographical documentary.

Following the vampire versus werewolf inquiry during Kagan’s confirmation hearings, Klobuchar’s inner monster came out again during an October 31st, 2011 interview with MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow. Klobuchar explained to Maddow that, “…as you know there are a lot of ghosts and goblins running around Washington, but not a witch on a broom. That was the last election,” further substantiating her fascination with make-believe monsters and taking a personal jab at former U.S. Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell of Delaware.

Klobuchar’s press release refers to her exchange with Kagan as “the debate that got away,” and promises voters that “[Klobuchar] will work across the aisle to petition the Supreme Court to hear the case of Werewolf versus Vampire,” emphasizing one of the Senator’s key 2012 campaign themes of bipartisanship. However, despite her oft-touted record of perceived bipartisanship, the “approximately two-thirds [of Klobuchar’s] authored bills that received Republican co-sponsorship” represent a collection of largely negligible, low-priority ‘campaign bills’ (i.e., bills drafted for the main purpose featuring during reelection ads and promotions) that either did nothing to help ease the economic malaise overshadowing the U.S. business climate, or should be left to the states.

Additionally, Klobuchar’s campaign message of ‘working across the aisle,’ which is intended to win over independents, moderate Republicans, and freedom-haters who want a bigger federal government, contradicts her glaringly transparent record of voting lock-step with her big-government, don’t-worry-just-give-us-your-money-and-we’ll-make-all-your-decisions-for-you Democrat party 91% of the time. In fact, Klobuchar proudly cast her vote for Obamacare, which recently cost an announced 300 Minnesotan’s their jobs as Minnesota-based Saint Jude Medical Company reorganized in an attempt to offset the approximately $60 million in new Obamacare taxes set to begin scraping away their margins in 2014 (not to mention the countless other jobs that will be shed as the bill’s event horizon approaches).

Klobuchar also repeatedly voted to increase the debt ceiling (an action that contributed to the historic downgrade of the United States’ public debt by the Standards & Poors rating agency), voted against a Farm Bill amendment that would have limited taxpayer subsidies to only those farmers earning less than $250,000 per year, and voted against the energy-independence-promoting and job-creating Keystone XL Pipeline project. [For a more thorough list of Klobuchar’s dismal record in the senate, The Laissez Faire has compiled a table included at the end of this article highlighting the Senator’s selected legislative actions juxtaposed to the point-in-time U.S. National Debt and Unemployment Rate.]

The 2012 U.S. Senate race in Minnesota will begin intensifying as November nears. Klobuchar, the de facto Washington insider, has in excess of $5 million of cash on hand. Her largest contributions came from lawyers, who make their living helping their clients navigate the labyrinth of regulations imposed by lawmakers, and the anti-baby organization EMILY’s List, which works to promote female candidates who share their vision of allowing individuals to be stripped of their right to life before they can even speak for themselves.

Other notable contributors to Klobuchar’s 2012 campaign fund include American Adhesives, Inc., the leading U.S. manufacturer of the red-colored adhesive tape that has been tangling business owners for generations; the controversial Vamp-PAC, a committee dedicated to electing candidates who favor federal relief to vampires; and FullMoonRisingPAC, a committee dedicated to supporting candidates who share their vision of equal rights for werewolves at home and abroad.

Klobuchar also recently stole endorsements from the typically conservative Minnesota Farm Bureau and two Minnesota business leaders, who have apparently been glamoured by Klobuchar’s supernatural operatives. The trend-breaking Minnesota Farm Bureau endorsement may be explained by Klobuchar’s vote against Senator Rand Paul’s (R-KY) amendment to the 2012 Farm Bill that would have limited taxpayer subsidies to only those farmers earning less than $250,000 per year…that or the endorsing committee was higher than the U.S. debt-to-GDP ratio during the endorsement decision making process.

The two noted business leaders, Bill Hawkins, former CEO of Obamacare victim and medical device giant Medtronic, and Paul Walser, CEO of Minnesota-based Walser Automotive, each have their own reasons to be cheerleading for Klobuchar. Hawkins attributed his praise of the Senator to her recent work to try to reduce a new medical device tax. Yes, the same medical device tax born from the Obamacare legislation that Klobuchar proudly voted for in the first place…Mr. Hawkins must have missed that memo.

Paul Walser’s endorsement is apparently a quid-pro-quo for the ‘personal attention’ Klobuchar gave to the Minnesota dealership group when Walser was appealing then-government owned General Motors Corporation’s decision to terminate a franchise agreement with one of Walser’s dealership locations. Nothing says crony-capitalism like inserting a legislator into the equation of two market participants, especially with the influences the government must have had with the recent taxpayer funded bail out of General Motors Corporation.

Fortunately, Minnesota voters who are not crony-capitalist CEOs, super-rich farmers, or sympathizers with/members of the make-believe monster community have a choice this election cycle. Kurt Bills, an articulate and dapper economics phenom has emerged as the Republican challenger to Klobuchar’s cozy Senate seat. Bills is a first-term state legislator and high school teacher of advanced economics at a public high school in Rosemount, Minnesota, a suburb of the Twin Cities. And contrasting Klobuchar’s philosophy that ‘everything will be better if we just legislate individual decisions from Washington,’ Bills believes that the best people to make decisions for Minnesota citizens are the Minnesota citizens themselves.

Bills offers a stark contrast for Minnesota voters in many other dimensions. Bills is a high school economics teacher and small business owner, and was never a partner with two prominent law firms. Bills believes that the people, not government, create jobs. Bills opposes the job-killing Obamacare legislation, and would never have voted for such government overreach. Bills stands behind his freedom-rooted principles, and is more than just a popular name with a killer hot dish recipe whose vote simply follows the party leadership suggested positions. And lastly, Bills has never discussed teen sci-fi romance during any legislative hearings whatsoever.

Hence, Kurt Bills.

The following list summarizes select bills sponsored by creepy crawly Klobuchar juxtaposed to the U.S. National Debt and Unemployment Rate, revealing her disconnect from the current economic woes facing the United States.
Date Bill Brief Description U.S. National Debt ($) U.S. Unemployment Rate (%)
9/13/2012 S. 3542 (112th): A bill to authorize the Assistant Secretary of Homeland Security (Transportation   Security Administration)… A bill to authorize the   Assistant Secretary of Homeland Security (Transportation Security   Administration) to modify screening requirements for checked baggage arriving   from preclearance airports, and for other purposes.

$16,045,678,692,730.60

*

6/20/2012 S. 3319 (112th): A bill to amend the National Trails System Act to revise the route … Amends the National Trails System Act to revise the route of the North Country National Scenic Trail to be the one contained in the Department of the Interior description “North Country National Scenic Trail, Authorized Route”

15,777,954,587,181.90

8.2

12/1/2011 S. 1939 (112th): Broadband  Conduit Deployment Act of 2011 A bill to amend title 23,   United States Code, to direct the Secretary of Transportation to require that broadband conduits be installed as part of certain highway construction   projects, and for other purposes.

15,088,441,787,407.60

8.5

11/30/2011 S. 1928 (112th): Stalkers Act of 2011 A bill to provide criminal penalties for stalking.

15,110,498,560,876.70

8.7

10/4/2011 S. 1653 (112th):   International Tourism Facilitation Act A bill to make minor   modifications to the procedures relating to the issuance of visas.

14,856,859,498,405.70

8.9

3/17/2011 S. 625 (112th): A bill to amend title 23, United States Code, to incorporate regional transportation   planning organizations into statewide transportation planning, and for other purposes. Requires states, at a minimum, to cooperate with affected nonmetropolitan local officials responsible for transportation through regional transportation planning organizations to develop and implement long-range statewide transportation plans and statewide transportation improvement programs, with emphasis on addressing the transportation needs of nonmetropolitan areas of the state.

14,223,730,274,180.80

8.9

5/24/2010 S. 3397 (111th): Secure and   Responsible Drug Disposal Act of 2010 A bill to amend the   Controlled Substances Act to provide for take-back disposal of controlled   substances in certain instances, and for other purposes.

12,989,095,409,531.00

9.6

3/15/2010 S. 3110 (111th): Broadband Service Consumer Protection Act A bill to improve consumer protection for purchasers of broadband services by requiring consistent use   of broadband service terminology by providers, requiring clear and   conspicuous disclosure to consumers about the actual broadband speed that may   reasonably be expected, and for other purposes.

12,636,662,956,140.00

9.8

12/3/2009 S. 2825 (111th): Cell Phone Early Termination Fee, Transparency, and Fairness Act A bill to require cell   phone early termination fees to be pro-rated over the term of a subscriber’s   contract, and for other purposes.

12,087,361,675,014.70

9.9

10/28/2009 S. 1988 (111th): A bill to suspend temporarily the duty on certain bamboo vases. Amends the Harmonized   Tariff Schedule of the United States to suspend temporarily the duty on   certain bamboo vases.

11,893,668,881,089.00

10.0

9/24/2009 S. 1708 (111th): Student Attendance Success Act of 2009 A bill to establish a grant   program to prevent truancy, and for other purposes.

11,770,679,815,806.10

9.8

10/1/2008 S. 3666 (110th): Copper Theft Prevention Act of 2008 A bill to require certain   metal recyclers to keep records of their transactions in order to deter individuals and enterprises engaged in theft and interstate fencing of stolen copper, and for other purposes.

10,124,225,067,127.60

6.5

7/31/2007 S. 1905 (110th): Regional Presidential Primary and Caucus Act of 2007 Divides the United States   into four regions of specified states (including the District of Columbia)   for holding presidential primaries/caucuses in each presidential election   year.

8,932,438,299,899.54

4.7

7/16/2007 S. 1791 (110th): Biodiesel Education and Expansion Act of 2007 A bill to amend the Farm   Security and Rural Investment Act of 2002 to reauthorize, and increase   funding for, the biodiesel fuel education program.

8,886,560,061,162.27

4.7

5/15/2007 S. 1403 (110th):   Farm-to-Fuel Investment Act of 2007 A bill to amend the Farm   Security and Rural Investment Act of 2002 to provide incentives for the   production of bioenergy crops.

8,803,253,918,300.67

4.4

5/14/2007 S. 1387 (110th): Federal Greenhouse Gas Registry Act of 2008 States as the purpose of   this Act the establishment of a federal greenhouse gas registry. Requires an   affected facility to submit to the Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), for inclusion in the greenhouse gas registry, periodic reports, including annual and quarterly data. Authorizes the Administrator to bring a civil action against the owner or operator of an   affected facility that fails to comply with the requirements of this Act.   Imposes a civil penalty of not more than $25,000 per day for each violation   of this Act.

8,819,697,851,326.45

4.4

* Unemployment data not yet released

Sources for above datapoints:

Legislation and Summaries: http://www.govtrack.us/
U.S. National Debt: http://www.treasurydirect.gov/
Unemployment Rate: http://data.bls.gov/

Crossposted at TruthInJest

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