Acceptance speech given by Susan Wilson, spokeswoman for Code Pink and head of Anti-War Activists for Obama, in reception of the Distinguished Lifetime Achievement Award at the Thirty-Fifth Annual Conference to End War Now, located at the San Francisco retreat for anti-war activists.
Fellow activists! We have gathered here together on this revolutionary anniversary of our founding to push for change — real change — of the way that we imperialist aggressor Americans interact with the rest of the world. It is not enough that we live in the richest, most powerful, and therefore, the most unjust country on the planet, but must we invade poor, defenseless brown-skinned peoples all over the planet in a never-ending quarrel for oil? Can I get an Amen?
For seven insufferably long years, you and I, sisters and brothers, fought the Bush administration tooth-and-nail to prevent another war in the Middle East. For seven painfully long years, we manned and womanned the frontlines in a radical quest to remake the world into one without war. For seven grueling, hard-fought years we engaged in ruthless combat against the Bush administration’s needless wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the Patriot Act, the warrantless wiretapping, Gitmo, drone bombings in Pakistan, extraordinary rendition… and we finally achieved victory with the coming of our president and savior, Barack Hussein Obama.
It worried me greatly when President Obama was elected that we would rest on our laurels, believing our work to be done. Sensing the complacency in the radical community that we were all activized out, a temptation to let up pervaded the anti-war wing of the Democrat Party. But I come here today not simply to receive this award, but to issue forth a clarion call: war is once again looming on the horizon. I speak to you now of… the Zionists.
Yes, we all despise these greedy, capitalist moneychangers and the pretentious way they set up a little state in the middle of a sandy desert, building a flourishing so-called democracy (not a real socialist democracy, mind you!), seemingly flourishing — but only due to the help of the evil, imperialist United States! (No, no don’t you boo me! Security, throw that gentleman out!)
Where was I? Now we see the Zionists are plotting an invasion of Iran, which is guilty of what? Wanting to run a peaceful nuclear energy program? I say no! The real reason is that the Jews want to take over and Occupy Iran! Why else would they seek to wage war with the civil and peace-loving Muslims in the region? No, the only way that there will be real lasting peace in the Middle East is if we invade and erase Israel from the map.
When I was on the flotilla with Bill Ayers and Bernadette Dohrn, wonderful patriots that they are, reciting by heart the words to Barack Obama’s greatest speeches for inspiration, we were reminded of the plight of our Palestinian brethren. This oppressed lot once possessed a vibrant, successful civilization in the heart of the Middle East. That was before the damned Jews, and their British taskmasters, ran them off of their own lands. For those who don’t know about the Jewish plot to take over, it’s all in the Protocol of the Elders of Zion for those interested in the authentic historical truth.
So I was talking with the distinguished professor Bill Ayers, and his days spent thanklessly launching the political career of our current president, and we happened upon the subject of the lies that the American government tells the sheeple to keep them placated and disinformed. Like the lie that hundreds of thousands of South Vietnamese were made refugees after the U.S. pulled out of Vietnam. Or that millions were slaughtered in the killing fields of Cambodia nearby. Lies! Or that tens of millions starved to death under the beautiful visionary Chairman Mao in his Great Leap Forward. More lies!
We all know the real atrocities are committed by the murdering, bloodthirsty capitalist machine and the one percenters who rule over it. What with their ‘materialist culture’ — consume, consume, consume! they tell us — it all makes me sick. If I see one more shopping mall, I might go postal on somebody’s… (laughter)
But why should we luxuriate in our own excess, like pigs rolling around in our own shit, while millions of helpless people around the world starve? Like greedy parasites, it’s all about consume, extract, accumulate, execrate — where’s the social justice in that? Where is our equality, the shining glorious day of a socialist world where everyone is perpetually equal, and no one goes without? A wonderful vision, I dare anyone to tell me contrary.
What will our future be at the current rate? Nuclear weapons at the ready, guns at our sides, ready to kill one another over the table scraps of the world? We will only be safe, our children will only be safe, when we rid the world of nuclear weapons. And then, we will only get along once all humanity’s divisions merge together into one… no nations, no races, no sexes… and sadly, that means we must smash the old system. We must literally war against differences until everything is equal, separate but equal.
But the capitalist pigs who run this country won’t let that happen. Why can’t we just be friends with the Muslim world? Why can’t we just reset things with Russia? Why shouldn’t we just welcome North Korea with open arms, and put their fears to rest? If they are starving, feed them. If they are cold, clothe them. Any Christian, if there be any out there, can easily see that this is the way forward towards a brighter world. But we cannot wait on God any longer.
Without us, my compatriots, the world is doomed. With malicious, bloody men like George W. Bush and Dick Cheney around, we always have to be vigilant. Those two should be tried in The Hague! (Applause.) What they did to Saddam Hussein, effectively executing the poor, haggard man without a trial should make them eligible for the death penalty! (Shouts and applause.) And now we are going to be in Afghanistan fighting the Taliban until 2040! When will this madness stop?
But fortuitously, we finally have a man in the White House who understands our plight, who is making progress towards a world without nuclear weapons, even if that means voluntarily disarming as a sign of good faith, but who is also a wonderful commander-in-chief that isn’t a total wuss! Surely, ridding the world of such bad actors as Moammar Qaddafi and Usama bin Laden is worthy of our praise. We are talking about two mass murderers, and being rid of them, just like being legally rid of George W. Bush and Dick Cheney, would no doubt be a good thing. And Haliburton! I could go on about that den of thieves for hours.
Courageous fellow activists, leaders of this crusade for peace heading into the dim future, I want to show you my appreciation for standing with me throughout all the years. From the end of Vietnam, through Iran-Contra, and both wars in Iraq… all the way to today. We are united in our hatred of war, and if we want to make a real change, we will re-elect Barack Hussein Obama. The man has been waging a war for peace in the Middle East for over three years now, and he looks to do so for the foreseeable future. He will eventually bring solace to a war-torn, blood-soaked planet. Thank you for your vote.
Author’s note: The above is satire. It is a fictionalized account intended to elucidate certain ideas and principles by taking them to absurd lengths. It is not intended to be taken literally.
Kyle Becker blogs at RogueGovernment, and can be followed on Twitter as @RogueOperator1. He writes freelance for several publications, including American Thinker and OwntheNarrative, and is a regular commentator on the late night talk show TB-TV.