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'Twas the Night Before Christmas – the Tea Party Remix

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,

Not a Senator was stirring, not even a mouse.

The bills were stacked on the desks with care,

In hopes that the rich would finally pay their fair share.

 

The Obamas were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of vacations danced in their heads.

Princess Nancy with her botox and talk of income gaps

Had just settled down for a long Beltway nap.

 

When out on the Mall there arose such a clatter,

Politicians were forced to act like it mattered.

They tucked away all their lobbyist cash,

Flew to the Capitol windows and threw up the sash.

 

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,

Gave the luster of shiny new taxes to objects below.

When what to their wondering eyes should appear,

But something that makes every Rep quake with fear.

 

Old folks, babies, parents as far as the eye could see.

They knew in a moment it must be a tea party.

In protest of big government all of them came;

And called out all the offenses by name.

 

Strike Healthcare, cut welfare!

And all earmarks too!

Don’t raise the debt ceiling!

We are watching all of you!

Limit union power!

Limit your spending!

Stop funding your privilege

While America is ending!

Our purses are pinched!

We’ve hit a wall!

We will vote away, vote away,

Vote you out, ALL!

 

And then in a twinkling, they heard on the roof,

The prancing of voters, each precious hoof.

Just as the politicians were turning around,

In the tea party came with a bound!

 

Their eyes, how they twinkled! They didn’t look too scary.

And in their arms, the constitution they carried.

Some were in costume, silly but sincere;

Some came to speak, some came to hear.

Many were angry, but violent they were not.

They left that distaste to the OWS clots.

 

They were middle-class, lower-class, upper class too;

From Christian to Muslim to atheist to Jew.

This band of Americans with no clear head,

Was enough to fill our poor Reps with dread.

 

The Tea Party yelled, “Time to get to work!

We have had enough of your games, you jerks.

We got lazy; we left you to mind the store;

Let you waste our hard-earned money, but no more!

 

You’ve continued to cheat, to steal and to lie,

We’ve organized our protests and shouted to the sky;

Now we’ll organize voting, and challenge your jobs.

The free party is over, we’re onto you, slobs!”

 

The politicians shook with fear, as the tea party dismissed.

And said “We’re voting you out. And you won’t be missed.

The President’s next; and if all goes right.

 

Inauguration 2013 will be a GREAT night!”

 

-Merry Christmas to you and to yours in this joyous season from me – Kira Davis and all the contributors at kiradavis.net too!

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