Computers hate Barack Obama, too!

By | November 20, 2011

Humans aren’t the only species that hates Barack Obama. Now computers are getting in on the fun. Scott Pakin has created an automated complaint letter generator that does a wonderful job of telling it like it is. I just entered Obama’s name, clicked the appropriate button and boing! the following letter was automatically generated. Enjoy!


Whatever happened to Pres. Barack H. Obama’s sense of humanity? Isn’t Barack the drossy, effrontive fruitcake who recently wanted to create a one-world government, stripped of nationalistic and regional boundaries, that is obedient to his agenda? And does he realize he’s more batty than a snarky jerk? This letter is not the place to explore the answers to those questions. Its purpose is instead to call your attention to the problem of unrealistic gasbags. First things first: I see how important Barack’s illiterate deeds are to his expositors and I laugh. I laugh because someone has to be willing to delegitimize him. Even if it’s not polite to do so. Even if it hurts a lot of people’s feelings. Even if everyone else is pretending that a plausible excuse is a satisfactory substitute for performance.

Barack not only lies but brags about his lying to his torchbearers. You know what? It is more than a purely historical question to ask, “How did his reign of terror start?” or even the more urgent question, “How might it end?”. No, we must ask, “Is Man to be free to follow his conscience and worship as he sees fit, or must he accept a conscience and god provided to him by Barack?” I once asked Barack that question—I am still waiting for an answer. In the meantime, let me point out that there are some blockish Luddites who are lawless. There are also some who are foul-mouthed. Which category does Barack fall into? If the question overwhelms you, I suggest you check “both”.

I’m not particularly old, but I do remember a time when honesty, decency, and respect for others were the norm. Nowadays, thanks to Barack’s vainglorious, confused barbs, people everywhere live in fear that lackluster, wanton sociopaths will blow the whole situation way out of proportion. Even worse, many people are being prevented from knowing that it’s our responsibility to get my message about Barack out to the world. That’s the first step in trying to take the lemons that he’s handing us and make lemonade, and it’s the only way to identify, challenge, defy, disrupt, and, finally, destroy the institutions that turn a deaf ear to need and suffering.

For those of you who don’t know, we must work together to stop defending the unbalanced, perverted status quo and, instead, implement a bold, new agenda for change. What can you do to help? For starters, you might want to take away as many of Barack’s opportunities for mischief as possible. I personally derive great satisfaction in doing that sort of thing because Barack has inadvertently provided us with an instructive example that I find useful in illustrating certain ideas. By laying down diktats that force me to experience psychological stress or “cognitive dissonance”, Barack makes it clear that he has conceived the project of reigning over opinions and of conquering neither kingdoms nor provinces but the human mind. If this project succeeds then ophidian warmongers will be free to plant the seeds of revisionism into the tabulae rasae of children’s minds. Even worse, it will be illegal for anyone to say anything about how Barack likes agendas that demand special treatment that, in many cases, borders on the ridiculous. Could there be a conflict of interest there? If you were to ask me, I’d say that the law is not just a moral stance. It is the consensus of society on our minimum standards of behavior.

Barack’s stolid, homicidal admirers are nothing more than subservient blobs of easily controlled protoplasm. That’s why they’re so willing to help Barack go to great lengths to conceal his true aims and mislead the public. If I seem a bit daffy, it’s only because I’m trying to communicate with him on his own level. There are those who are informed and educated about the evils of defeatism, and there are those who are not. Barack is one of the uninformed, naturally, and that’s why if his ballyhoos get any more effete, I expect they’ll grow legs and attack me in my sleep.

Others have stated it much more eloquently than I, but in a rather infamous speech, Barack exclaimed that an open party with unlimited access to alcohol can’t possibly outgrow the host’s ability to manage the crowd. (I edited out the rest of what he said because, well, it didn’t really say anything.) I don’t mean to throw fuel on an already considerable fire, but we must reach out to people with the message that filthy madmen in general, and Barack in particular, intend to stifle the voices of those who are simply seeking to be heard. We must alert people of that. We must educate them. We must inspire them. And we must encourage them to foster mutual understanding.

Barack has never been a big fan of freedom of speech. He supports pogroms on speech, thought, academic license, scientific perspective, journalistic integrity, and any other form of expression that gives people the freedom to state that in my observations upon Pyrrhonism, I have expressed no opinion thus far of the mode of its extinguishment or melioration. I will note, however, though I still have nothing to propose, that Barack takes things out of context, twists them around, and then neglects to provide decent referencing so the reader can check up on him. He also ignores all of the evidence that doesn’t support (or in many cases directly contradicts) his position.

Barack wants us to emulate the White Queen from Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking Glass, who strives to believe “as many as six impossible things before breakfast”. Then again, even the White Queen would have trouble believing that Barack is the best thing to come along since the invention of sliced bread.

Barack Hussein Obama

I prefer to believe things that my experience tells me are true, such as that Barack is willing to promote truth and justice when it’s convenient. But when it threatens his creature comforts, Barack throws principle to the wind. I am more than merely surprised by his willingness to introduce, cultivate, and encourage moral rot. I’m shocked, shocked. And, as if that weren’t enough, people often get the impression that self-serving blowhards and Barack’s helots are separate entities. Not so. When one catches cold, the other sneezes. As proof, note that I profess I know why Barack has been breaking up society’s solidarity and cohesiveness. He considers it an interesting sociological experiment for determining whether people can be influenced to reduce history to an overdetermined, wireframe sketch of what are, in reality, complex, dynamic events.

When I first became aware of Barack’s covert invasion into our thought processes, all I could think was how it’s possible that Barack is a black-belt master of sesquipedalianism. However, I cannot speculate about that possibility here because I need to devote more space to a description of how when Barack says that there’s no difference between normal people like you and me and muzzy-headed vagabonds, that’s just a load of spucatum tauri. Barack is a pretty good liar most of the time. However, he tells so many lies, he’s bound to trip himself up someday. I can’t make heads or tails of Barack’s jeremiads. I mean, does he want to defy the law of the land, or doesn’t he?

While Barack manufactures crises over plagiarism, his camp has been destroying the values, methods, and goals of traditional humanistic study. From secret-handshake societies meeting at “the usual place” to back-door admissions committees, his winged monkeys have always found a way to enable mumpish marauders to punch above their weight. Even though supposedly distancing himself from foul knuckleheads, Barack has really not changed his spots at all. Like a lion after tasting the blood of human victims, he will fragment the nation into politically disharmonious units. He carries nothing but hatred and destruction in his heart. Even more remarkable, the objection may still be raised that mediocrity and normalcy are ideal virtues. At first glance this sounds almost believable yet the following must be borne in mind: Over the years, I’ve enjoyed a number of genuinely pleasurable (and pleasurably genuine) conversations with a variety of people who understand that he consistently falls short of telling the whole story or of making a solid point. In one such conversation, someone pointed out to me that I cannot compromise with Barack; he is without principles. I cannot reason with him; he is without reason. But I can warn him and with a warning he must definitely take to heart: Barack has been trying for some time to convince people that he understands the difference between civilization and savagery. Don’t believe his hype! Barack has just been offering that line as a means to siphon off scarce international capital intended for underdeveloped countries. In the end, Pres. Barack H. Obama is fiddling while Rome burns.

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