Obama’s Speech on Deficit Reduction: “My finely honed Political Instincts”

By | April 13, 2011

Our Obama, who art on vacation, Hollowed be thy head.
Your limo come, vacation’s done,
in Chicago as it is in Hawaii.

Give us this day our daily cheese,
and forgive us our conservatism,
as we forgive those commie, pinko, progressive, tree-hugging environmentalist wacko Van Jones clones who trespass against us.

And lead us not into solvency,
but deliver us from living within our means.

For thine is the Federal Reserve, and the student loans,
and the Obama stash, forever and ever – at least until the worm turns.
Amen.

The stupidity of Barack Hussein Obama’s supposedly intellectual political arguments goes beyond the pale. No, take that back! Obama didn’t say a thing. TOTUS did all the talking. Obama’s overhyped speech today, Wednesday, April 13th, didn’t deviate one whit from his commie track record. In fact it didn’t even start on time. He was late as usual…word has it that he was on the toilet. Presidentin’ makes you want to “go” don’t cha know. And then rumor has it that while walking to the speech he allegedly stopped along the way to squeeze the fruit – regrettably, Barney Frank couldn’t be reached for comment. Another possible reason given for the lateness of Obama’s arrival at the podium was the suggestion that the Obamas were held up reenacting that scene from the Geico commercial featuring Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln. So Michelle supposedly told Barack to get her something good for her birthday and gives him some hints like “I want something shiny, which goes from zero to 200 in five seconds.” So Barack gets her a scale! But anyway, we digress – Time to get back on track with the weightier matter of the stupidity of Obama’s political speechifying arguments.

He’s a moron when it comes to economics, commerce, business, and finance.  Stealing the message of conservatism from the true conservatives, Obama magnanimously called on both Democrats and Republicans to balance the budget and work toward paying down the debt of the federal government. But then his inner communist took over and he decided that the way to accomplish the feat would be to put an end to the Bush-era tax cuts for those making more than $250,000 a year. Somehow, Obama is convinced that penalizing the productive will somehow translate into exalting the nonproductive elements of society. In other news apples and oranges have been deemed to be identical. “The only concrete proposal that he proposed was raising taxes,” said Eric Cantor, a member of the House GOP leadership. “That solution falls far short of dealing with the kind of crises that we’re facing,” said Cantor.

A blogger known only as Freddie Cougar said it best: “Raising taxes = ‘reducing tax expenditures,’ addressing ‘spending reductions in the tax code,’ ‘spending in the tax code,’ and ‘spending reductions in the tax code.’ Doublespeak at its finest.” It was a friggin’ campaign speech. Government has been the source of our prosperity? Good grief, it was another revisionist history lesson from our commie president. According to Obama tax cuts are the problem. “It’s all the Bush’s fault” – signed Moses. Poor Dubya, the Evil Genius. Obama is good at only one thing. He is an exceptional liar. Obama is a crybaby. Obama is a wimp. Obama is a whiner. Obama blames everyone but himself. Obama sucks. His entire talk could have been summed up thusly: “When I took office…it’s not my fault!”

Behold the Lying King! We’ve all heard the old joke that goes something like this: “What is the difference between the Lion King and Barack Obama? The Lion King is an African Lion. Obama is a Lying African.” Liberals inevitably call the joke racist. They don’t get the fact that liars can come from any continent. It’s just the plain fact, Jack that this one’s roots are from Kenya. Last we heard, after that stupefying speech, is that the village doesn’t want its idiot back. Good for the village! Perhaps the HildaBeast can spare a dime.

In a poor zoo of Africa, a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kilogram of meat a day.

The lion thought its prayers were answered when one day a Honolulu Zoo manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the Honolulu Zoo.

The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/C environment and a goat or two every day.

On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed nicely for breakfast. The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained nothing but a few bottles of KGBean dip. The lion thought that maybe they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted locations.

The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of KGBean dip was delivered. The lion was so furious; it stopped the delivery boy and blasted him, “don’t you know I am the lion…King of the Jungle? What’s wrong with your management? What nonsense is this? Why are you delivering KGBean dip to me?”

The delivery boy politely said, “Sir, I know you are the King of the Jungle … but… you have been brought here on Frank Marshall Davis’ visa!”

Now we know that Obama’s speech was timed so as to not go up against Dancing With The Stars. We don’t know why; but considering the way Obama tap-danced around Libya and the economy, he might have won. Some people are saying Obama was a little bit testy during the speech. Hmmm… it looks like somebody’s March Madness bracket pick didn’t do so well. You know, ever since the CEO of G.E. became his advisor, everything Obama says sounds like a light bulb commercial. Walk to the light, little people! Walk to the light!

It was recently reported in the news that Obama had been accidentally locked out of the White House. For that one panicked moment Obama thought that they must have found his real birth certificate. At least the locked door to the White House gave Obama an alibi. “I didn’t do it. It was broken when I got here.” – Barack “Bart Simpson” Obama.

America has taken up the drinking game to pass the time during Obama’s speeches. Drone. Drone. Drone. Drone. Drink. Of course the game gets a little mixed up when it comes to the Obamartini – made with Absolut Zero.

And then there was Barry’s Audacity of Hype. Did he really say “My finely honed political instincts”? Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I can’t breathe! First off, Barack, you are a politician. Second, all of our taxes are spent on the entitlements. Everything else is funded by loans. Barack, you are a fiscal imbecile. “Gubmint cheese is the best cheese there is. And it is free. Free for you and free for me,” – the essence of Obama’s talk about his stash and entitlements. “I’ll take Manchurian Candidate for $500, Alex.” Ahhh, Komrades. It is boootiful day in USSA. Did he say corpseman? This dumbass couldn’t even pass a middle school speech class. By Friday afternoon he will backpedal on everything he said by making what he said “perfectly clear”. Got it? For the Obamassiah, there is no issue he cannot straddle. Oh fer cryin’ out loud. Did he just denounce his own 2012 budget? Is he mentally challenged? Does he not recall what he threw out in January? Obama is nothing but a Puppet of Meat. Yo, Meat Puppet! Nobody’s clapping so quit waiting for the applause. It ain’t coming your way.

Is there any doubt about his Marxism? Like was said up front, Obama’s stupidity goes beyond the pale. What level of Hell has the United States of America sunk to when Obama’s sophist rhetoric is actually taken seriously?  Isn’t America starting to feel a bit bloated from all the smoke being blown up its collective arse? Furthermore, what the Hell is a Kwag-mahr? Is Kwag-marh a city in Pohkeesstohn?

Four trillion in cuts over 12 years…backed by his “fail-safe” guaranty. Wimpy: “I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.” LOL, when has congress ever followed up on a guarantee? Lock box anyone? America is going to have to practice bending over a LOT more… Can this get any worse? Of course it can! Darn it, Mr. President, would you at least treat us to dinner and a movie first?

Obama’s pandering for the senior vote is getting old. Note to Obama: You have lost the senior vote and you will not get it back. You stupid meat puppet teleprompter reading political hack. We all find you taxing, which explains this:

The Tax System – Explained With Beer

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100.

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

  • The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
  • The fifth would pay $1.
  • The sixth would pay $3.
  • The seventh would pay $7.
  • The eighth would pay $12.
  • The ninth would pay $18.
  • The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that’s what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve.

‘Since you are all such good customers,’ he said, ‘I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20.’
‘Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.’

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men – the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his ‘fair share?’

They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:

  • The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
  • The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings) .
  • The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings) .
  • The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 ( 25% savings).
  • The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 ( 22% savings).
  • The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

‘I only got a dollar out of the $20,’ declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man, ‘but he got $10!’
‘Yeah, that’s right,’ exclaimed the fifth man. ‘I only saved a dollar, too. It’s unfair that he got ten times more than I!’

‘That’s true!!’ shouted the seventh man. ‘Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!’

‘Wait a minute,’ yelled the first four men in unison. ‘We didn’t get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!’

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn’t have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

For those who understand, no explanation is needed.

For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

So Barry, what are we cutting in order to balance the budget? Oh, I see, you’re cutting employment and taxing the rich. Great plan!!! Okay, JackWagon, WHAT DO WE CUT? – Besides Defense? Typical Obama speech, lots of hype and no substance. I thought Pakistan said no more drones. Obama never ceases to amaze. He is laying on the lies and class warfare like there’s no tomorrow. Logic isn’t his strong suit. Come to think of it…nothing is his strong suit…unless flies on the lip count for something. America felt like it was watching tennis during Obama’s speech. Left – right, left – right. Teleprompter 1, teleprompter 2.

Obama could have stood on the podium and picked his nose for 30 minutes. The Main Stream Media would have still declared the speech a victory, and that was that. Obama throws out accusations at conservatives but offers no plan of his own. He avoids specifics like the plague. You can just envision Obama saying something like this: “I will give every American everything they want and it won’t cost a cent. I’m leaving it to Congress to figure out how to make that happen.”

The jackwagoniest of jackwagons; what a miserable, pathetic president we have. Expectations for today’s speech were low, but he still managed to hook an ankle on the bar he could have easily stepped over.

The highlight of the speech was Rip Van Biden’s reaction to it – which was a big effing deal! Joe slept though it!

Joe Biden engaging in a Big Effing Deal!

See the photo for proof. Old Joe has heard the commie spiel so many times that he can doze off through an entire progressive speech and not miss a thing. No big deal, Joe. The rest of the country was going comatose, too. All you missed, Joe, was Obama saying “My vision for America is one where we live within our means, blinded by my socialistic government ideology.” Got it, Joe? Good! Now, remember, Joe, that for the rest of us our vision for America is to wipe away all you FDR/Johnson/LBJ/progressing/Obama stains from our Republic. All we know is that Obama’s plan is heavy on the “fail” and light on the “safe.” Obama says he wants America to live within its means? Okay! – Then no more flying in a favorite chef from Chicago to make pizza at the White House. No more ridiculously expensive vacations on the public’s dime! No more lobster deliveries for Michelle. No more flying Obama’s dog Bo around on his own private jet. Man, I dunno. I mean, it’s probably pretty hard subsisting on a $15T budget. Perhaps Obama meant everybody but the government has to live within their means. There, that’s better! Be thankful for small gifts, America – at least he’s not using the stupid Slurpee story anymore.

That’s an F+ for effort, Barry, and a G- for substance. “My vision for America is one where we live within our means.” No it’s not, Barry. LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR!

Gene Roddenberry was a prophet. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present Landreu, the automated president….programmed to respond. Click, whir, Dolby Sound enabled. Here’s Barry at his best:

“Let me be clear, as I’ve always said the time for change is now and we are the ones we’ve been waiting for. Thank you and goodnight.” –  Barack Hussein Obama

Conservative Daily News allows a great deal of latitude in the topics contributors choose and their approaches to the content. We believe that citizens have a voice - one that should be heard above the mass media. Readers will likely not agree with every contributor or every post, but find reasons to think about the topic and respond with comments. We value differing opinions as well as those that agree. Opinions of contributors are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of CDN, Anomalous Media or staff. Click here if you'd like to write for CDN.
Put This Story in your Circles and Share with your Friends